A Pariah’s Secret Keeper
by binge316
Summary: COMPLETE After Dumbledore makes his final demand, Severus’ resolve crumbles and his mental stability hangs in the balance. He seeks out one person to keep his secret: Hermione Granger.
1. Chapter 1

Pacing in the dungeons, sweat poured down his face. He tugged angrily at his collar and loosened the buttons directly below his chin. His hands were shaking. He looked around frantically. Slender and calloused fingers found their way around a narrow-necked flask, squeezed tight, and launched it into the fireplace. The flask was followed by others - beakers, test tubes, jars, bottles. When he ran out of empty glass containers to throw, he leaned his hands on the mantelpiece and stared at the broken shards in all of their blues and browns and greens.

 _I can't do this anymore._ He was losing it and he couldn't. Not now. Not with what Dumbledore had demanded of him. _I can't do this anymore._ The last shreds of his sanity hung dangerously in the balance. _I don't want to do this anymore._ It's never mattered what he wanted. Never. _I can't do this alone anymore._ His mind wouldn't last. He wouldn't make it through another war alone. After this, after this unspeakable crime, he would be engrained in wizard history as the epitome of the word pariah. _He asks too much._ Too much. Too much burden. Too much pain. Too much torture. Too much stress. Too much suffering. Too much lying. _I can't._

He would never be able to convince Dumbledore to find another way. If he were going to see his debt paid, he would have to do it and doing it would require bringing someone in. He had started fraying at the ends and tearing at the seams. _I can't do this alone._ As there was no way for him to stay the path without one single ally in the whole world, his mind began clamoring for a solution.

To bring someone into this Hell was an incredible risk. To put over 15 years of secrets onto another human being would be a burden no person should, or maybe even could, bear. The amount of trust a man like Severus Snape, a man who had survived almost solely because of his independent nature, would have to give another person seemed unthinkable. _Yet here I am - thinking about it._

Who? What did this person need to be? Trustworthy. Brave. Empathetic. Understanding. Loyal. Fierce. Forgiving. Strong. Intelligent. This person would have to see beyond the appearance of things. This person would have to _see_ the things.

 _Granger._

 _Fuck. She's a child. She's 16. She's Potter's best friend. She is not a safe choice. She would sacrifice anything for Harry Potter. I can't do this to her._

And yet, as he attempted to talk himself out of it, he became more certain of his choice. She would be more empathetic than anyone else he could possibly think of. Her loyalty has never been in question. She has showcased her Gryffindor bravery many a times, many times much to his dismay. The brightest witch of her age would certainly be able to look beyond the mask to see the man.

 _Granger._

"Screech!" The owl flew to him and waited patiently as he scribbled on a small piece of parchment. After folding the note, he put it up near the tawny bird's beak and said, "Take this to her. Wake her."

The bird blinked at him almost as if he were questioning his master. It lasted probably less than a second and he flew out the window.

In the meantime, Snape sat on his couch in his quarters. Even with the drafts in the dungeons and the cool stone that surrounded him constantly, he continued to sweat. _How am I going to do this to her? To a child? She is no older than I was when I went down this path._ He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but he assumed the note had been successfully delivered when Screech had returned to his post and tucked his head to sleep. The fire crackled and the clock ticked.

There was a faint and uncertain knock at the door to the Potions classroom. _Fuck._ He strode over to the door, gathering as much confidence as possible, and flung the door open hoping to make the same intimidating impression as usual.

"Miss Granger," his eyes narrowed. She was in plaid pajama pants that fit loosely, a grey tshirt, and her Gryffindor robe pulled tightly around her shoulders. She wore a pair of trainers on her feet, but her heels were crushing down the back of the shoe as she must have slipped them on. Her hair was messy and neat at the same time and pulled back into a bun.

"Professor? What did you need, sir? It's quite late and I have exams in the morning," she shifted uneasily and her weight went back and forth between each foot.

"Ah," he said, glancing over his shoulder at the time. He pushed the door open and gestured for her to come inside.

She hesitated, and his eyes raked over her face and body language. He swallowed hard. He said, "I assure you that I have no intention of killing you."

She did her best to smile and walked into the room. Rubbing her shoulders, she turned back to him. Avoiding eye contact, she questioned again: "Professor?"

 _How do I start?_

"Miss Granger... Hermione..." he faltered when her eyes went huge.

"It's my parents, isn't it? Something has happened to them?" His use of her first name had scared her.

He held up a trembling hand, "No."

Her eyes flitted between his face and his shaking hand, "Professor, what's wrong?"

He sucked in a massive amount of air and her eyes searched his face. He ran the shaky fingers through his hair and then wiped his palm down his sweaty face. Swallowing hard and wiping his hand on his pants, he gestured to the couch. She sat. Slowly. _How do I do this?_ Her eyes didn't leave his person.

"What's wrong?" She repeated.

"Everything," he choked. _No. You can't lose it now. Not yet. You'll never get through it._

"Professor?" Her body turned more toward his and he shivered despite how warm he felt.

"Every single thing in my life is wrong," he said, "You know of my position in this upcoming war?"

"You're... a spy? I'm sorry. I'm not sure how to say it best," she said and glanced away.

"Yes. I am. Do you trust where my true loyalties lie?" He grimaced.

"Yes. You are with us."

He was quiet for a long time. Then, his mouth opened just barely, "I have not asked a favor in a very long time," he said so softly she barely heard him.

"What do you need, sir?" The genuine sensitivity in her voice was undoing.

"There is something that has been asked of me. No. It has been demanded of me. This... it's a monstrous act I must commit," his voice trailed off.

"Who demanded it? Dumbledore or Voldemort?"

"Don't say his name, girl!" He hissed and then quieted, "Dumbledore."

She sighed, "How did I know it would be him and not the other?"

Snape looked at her briefly. She caught his eyes. They were red-rimmed. This man had been crying. _I can't._ He shifted uncomfortably under her gaze, "It's late, Miss Granger. You should go back to your dormitory. I should not have woken you."

"Professor Snape," she said quietly yet firmly, "what do you need me to do for you?"

He broke. 15 years of stress and hurt and guilt came pouring out of him. He would later reflect that it must have been absolutely horrifying to see her least favorite and most inhuman professor reduced to tears.

"I... Professor," she whispered.

"I have to do it," he gritted through his teeth, "I do not want to do this anymore. I have to do it. There is no other way. My soul. It. I..."

As he suffocated in his own sobs again, she moved closer to him. She raised a hand as if to reach out and touch his shoulder, but paused and thought better of it and dropped her hand to her lap. She stared at her fingers.

"I can't do this anymore. I can't be in this by myself," his voice was unrecognizable.

"Is that why you need me?"

"Please. Please. Can I trust you? I can't do this alone anymore. I just need one person to know. I need one person to know I'm not the devil incarnate. I need one person to talk to. Only one. Please," he begged, "Oh, God, I am sorry to even ask. My burdens are so heavy. To put them on you.." he faltered. _Please._

"Professor, please," her voice shook, "you're scaring me. Please, just tell me what you have to do. Tell me what you need from me. If I cannot handle it, you can just obliviate me."

 _Never._ He physically recoiled at the thought. He turned to face her directly. The tears were still fresh on his face but they had, for now, halted. The coal eyes settled on the honey. She waited. _Fuck._

"I have to kill Albus Dumbledore."


	2. Chapter 2

She stared at him. He stared back at her. The tension thickened with every passing second. Her jaw was set hard as she searched his black eyes for any sign that this was a sick joke. No. Severus Snape was serious.

He waited. His teeth ground against themselves as he watched her consider his words. _She hates me._ He expected violence, for her to scream at him, for her to cry. She was doing none of those things. Her slender frame held still, as if she were frozen in place.

"I'm sorry," Her reply was quiet, but the words hit him as if she had slapped him.

The tightness in his chest nearly suffocated him. _Sorry?_ His jaw dropped open slightly, "Why are you apologizing?"

She bit her lip and met his eyes. Her eyes were glistening, "Because he asks too much. Because he always asks too much. Of everyone. We are all just playing pieces in this chess match of a war," Her shoulders slumped forward. _Oh, how I know._

"He's dying," Snape said in a voice that was barely

above a whisper.

"Why?"

"There are some things that I cannot tell you until I know that you will stay with me in this," His eyes snapped to hers and then returned to the worn fabric on the couch between them. _She won't do this. She shouldn't do this. I should have never asked this of her. It's too much. I am no better than Dumbledore._

She looked at him. His skin was more sallow than she'd ever seen it. The dark circles under his eyes had become what looked like permanent bruises. His hair was long, longer than she'd ever seen it. He generally looked disheveled in every possible way. She'd never seen him this way, but she wondered if anyone ever had. His face was thinner and his clothes, she noticed, fit more loosely than ever.

"An Unbreakable Vow?"

"Absolutely not," he glared at her, "your potential betrayal would be most unpleasant for me, but not nearly as unpleasant as your death."

"Then what? My faithful and steadfast friendship?" She smirked and he quickly moved his eyes from hers to the fire. She could see the flame reflecting in his dark eyes.

"No. I have no expectation of any friendship. I do not even expect any level of companionship at all," he swallowed, "but I need someone to know. I need...someone to talk to about all of this. I need someone with whom I can communicate freely and strategize with. I fear I find myself mentally unstable enough that, if I am without any ally, my position and role in this war is compromised," his jaw muscle twitched as he stared into the flickering flames, "I cannot do this alone anymore," He trembled, the confession spoken aloud once more.

"Talking to me, confiding in me, and having me help you through this war would, in most situations, qualify as the formation of a friendship," she forced a small smile, "I can't imagine it will be entirely one-sided in conversing, that it wouldn't be mutually beneficial."

"I am certain this would not qualify as 'most situations.' Any friendship with me, I would think, would be a most undesirable thing," His eyes stayed on the fire.

"I am not so sure. I honestly know next to nothing about you. I do know that you are intelligent, brave, and loyal," she said, "and those seem like good qualities to have in any friend."

"You know nothing yet," He stated definitively. _You're better off knowing nothing, child._

"I want to help you. How can I do that?"

That got his attention. He shifted his gaze to her face once more, "Are you certain, Miss Granger? This would change nothing in our relationship and interactions in public."

"So, you're still going to be an arse?"

His eyes widened. The Gryffindor princess smirked at him. "Such language... but, yes, regrettably. Although, I will endeavor to be more sensitive to you only."

"Then you must call me Hermione when we aren't in public. You know, to help with the separation," a small smile graced her face.

His eyes narrowed, "You did not answer my question, Miss Granger. Are you certain you want to do this?"

She stared at him for a moment, "Yes."

"Oh," He said and silent tears began to fall from his eyes.

She scooted closer to him and squeezed his forearm lightly and he, out of habit, pulled away a bit instantly, "You're not alone now."

He cried harder at that realization and allowed her hand on his arm as an anchor. He whimpered as he cried and Hermione's heart nearly broke.

"I am... I am so sorry that I am not stronger. I did this before, but I had..." He choked on the words.

She finished for him, "You had Dumbledore."

He nodded, breaking down into a thousand pieces in front of her eyes. She held his arm with her hand tightly, occasionally rubbing a thumb over his frock.

"This must be terribly difficult for you. I am so sorry, Professor," she said softly.

 _Difficult on me? How difficult am I about to make it on her?_ "I am afraid I am going to ruin you with the mess of myself. You don't have to do this," He assured her.

"I can not only see the benefit for you, but also for me as well. I'm Harry's friend. You've spent all these years working to protect him. Your reasons are your own, but you have been doing just that. After you do... that... Harry will undoubtedly distrust you, but we will still need your protection."

Snape nodded and collected himself. Turning to face her, he pulled his arm out from under her hand. _She's so young,_ "Are you certain?"

"How many times are you going to ask me that? You should know better by now that when I set my mind to a task that it's as good as done," She tried to coax a smile out of him.

"Miss Granger..."

"Hermione."

He glared at her, "I have taught you for now going into six years. I am fully aware of your Christian name."

Her eyes bore the flame of a challenge, "Then you should use it."

Snape sneered, "You are my student."

"Not when I'm doing this! If you won't respect me enough to use my given name, to do something to make me feel the slightest bit more comfortable, then I can't agree. If you can't do this, then you're just using me selfishly and without any regard for me. If you can't do this for me, you're as bad as Dumbledore," She spat.

 _No. No. No._ He flinched at her words. Worry creased his brow and remorse flooded his features, "I apologize, Miss... Hermione. It is not my intent to make you feel used. I do not intend to be selfish in this... situation."

"What are our options?" She questioned, clearly satisfied with his response. He was certainly not going to make things easy, but at least he had conceded in this small way.

"Tell me. What do you know of Secret Keepers?"


	3. Chapter 3

She studied his face for a moment and chewed the inside of her cheek. When she spoke, her voice was thoughtful, "I know that, to become a Secret Keeper, the Fidelius Charm is performed. It's an ancient charm. The person with the secret divulges it to the Secret Keeper, who has agreed to the charm. The Secret Keeper then becomes a safebox for the Secret," Her face darkened, "I also know that Peter Pettigrew was the Secret Keeper for Harry's parents and that he betrayed them."

 _This girl truly is the brightest witch of her age,_ "Very good, Miss... Hermione," He nodded his head, "The problem with Secret Keepers is that a Secret Keeper can reveal the secret. This, obviously, requires a tremendous amount of trust between the two parties."

"I could reveal your secrets?" Her brow furrowed.

"Yes," His face was deadpan, but his eyes were pleading.

"But what if someone finds out what I am to you? Could they not force it out of me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He stared into her eyes, "No one could torture, bewitch, or force the secrets out of you. You would have to willingly tell people. Those people would then find themselves unable to pass the secret onto anyone else. In the event of a Secret Keeper's death," He grimaced at the fear on her face, "anyone else knowing the secret would become Secret Keepers themselves."

"The further the secret gets away from you, the more likely it is to become public knowledge," The realization dawned on her.

"Yes."

Her eyes met his, "You would trust me this much, Professor?"

"Yes," He said. His voice was as serious as she had ever heard it.

"Why? Why me? Why not someone from your own house?" She looked thoroughly confused.

"Because, as you said, the relationship would be mutually beneficial. You are closely connected with Potter. Your reasons that you gave are also the same reasons I had in mind when making this decision. My house is known for a lust for power, and many have an allegiance to The Dark Lord. I could not trust any of them further than I could throw them," He paused and took a deep breath, "And I have seen your ferocious loyalty first hand many times. You are intelligent beyond measure and capable of a level discernment many people much older than you will never reach. You are caring, sympathetic, and you will never jump to a conclusion without weighing all of the factors. I... admire that. That, Hermione, is why I chose you."

When he looked back to her, she was crying, "I'm sorry, Professor. I know that you are quite impatient when students cry. It's just... I don't think you've ever been so nice to me before," She chuckled through the tears.

"I have been remiss in that account. I have been unkind to you and, for that, I am sorry," He didn't break eye contact. _I am so sorry._

"I..." She wiped her eye, "Thank you."

"Being a Secret Keeper is a dangerous position. It should should not taken lightly, as it is serious and bonding. Should someone find out you are my Secret Keeper, you could be subjected to..." He choked, "Unsavory methods of obtaining the secret from you. I am... Very much afraid of anyone finding out about your status as my Secret Keeper." _I am so fucking afraid of getting you killed._

"I trust you, Professor Snape, to me safe, to keep us all safe, to the best of your abilities," She assured him.

"The only person I intend to even potentially tell of your status as my Secret Keeper would be Dumbledore. You may, should you deem it absolutely necessary, reveal our relationship to those you must. But, please, remember that the further away the secrets get from you and me, the more unsafe we become," His eyes never left hers. _Please, don't ruin me anymore than I already am._

"I understand, sir," She said without hesitation, "I will only tell anyone anything if it's absolutely life or death."

"How long do you need to be sure of your decision?" He questioned and glanced away from her again. _How long will it take for you to leave me alone in this hell?_

"What?"

"A day? Two? A week?" He sounded like a small child. _Three seconds?_

"Professor, I've said I'm sure."

"Yes, but I believe you should think it over."

"A day then," She sighed in resignation.

"A day," He agreed, "I need you, but not more than I need you to be absolutely certain of this. You can go back to your dormitory, Miss Granger. I sincerely apologize for keeping you up so late." _I am so sorry._

"It's okay, Professor Snape. I understand. We can discuss this more tomorrow after dinner?"

"Yes. I shall assign you a detention tomorrow in class so as to not arouse suspicion," He said and his voice sounded far off in the distance. _I am so sorry._

"I am sure that will be most difficult for you," She smiled.

 _Ah._ "Indeed," There was a hint of a smirk on his face as she walked out of his living quarters, through the Potions classroom, and out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

Snape stared into the fire for hours. The flames reduced to burning embers. His mind reeled over his present situation, the demand made of him, and the request he made of the girl. _I am cruel, manipulative, disgusting. To take advantage of a girl, to use her sympathy and loyalty against her..._

There was no sleep to be had for Severus Snape. Instead, he invested in transporting the last of his belongings from the Potions classroom to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. The move was almost entirely complete. After a first week of classes, he had nearly cleared out everything from both the classroom and his private quarters. He would have preferred to have this move made completely before the start of term. Unfortunately, other circumstances prevented him from focusing on such a truly trivial task. At his request, however, he was given different private quarters as opposed the normal Defense teacher's housing accommodations. The room was connected via a private hallway to both the Defense classroom and via another private hallway to the dungeons closer to the Slytherin common room.

When the last of his things floated on ahead of him, Snape glanced once more around the space. Horace Slughorn would have this room at his disposal, just like he had the Potions classroom. Slughorn was a good man and an anomaly in Slytherin - there was not an evil bone in his body. Truly, he was all the good of Slytherin House embodied. He was a real teacher, though his ambitiousness could pull him into favoritism. The man came out of retirement with requests of a raise and better living quarters and office space. He received all of the aforementioned. He didn't live in the quarters attached to the Potions class, as Snape had for many years, and thus the rooms remained quite empty after school hours.

 _This is the beginning of the end._

Snape closed the door on his term as Potions Master.

His dark eyes watched the clock tick down to the second his Sixth Year Defenses Against the Dark Arts class began. _Fuck._

As if nothing in the world could ever bother him, he slammed open the door to the classroom and strode into the room. It caused nearly every student to jump. Many smirks appeared across the faces of the Slytherin students who undoubtedly thought this particular class had just become much easier for them.

"Over the next few lessons, you will be practicing the art of nonverbal magic. Tell me: what is the benefit of nonverbal magic?" He drawled.

A familiar hand shot in the air. _Fuck._ He waited.

"Anyone?" He questioned, ignoring the hand as he usually did.

"Sir, nonverbal magic allows for the.." Hermione started without being called upon. _Thank you, girl. You have shown me mercy._

"Detention, Miss Granger! You would think after six years in my classes you would learn to raise your hand. For someone so intellectually inclined, you certainly struggle with simple rules!" He spat at her. Something flickered behind her eyes, and then his. Understanding.

"Yes, sir," She sighed, "My apologies."

"You are not sorry yet," He said, venom lacing every word, "But you will be after supper tonight when I have you scrubbing every desk, chair, and centimeter of this floor with a toothbrush," He sneered.

Her eyes met his. She lowered them to the desk and remained silent for the rest of the period.

At dinner, he stole glances at her. _What if she has changed her mind?_ She did not look in his direction once. She ate, laughed, smiled, and talked with her friends. _How can I do this to her? She won't stick around. They never have and never will._

He gave up even attempting to pick at his food. He walked briskly away from the staff table and stopped briefly where she was sitting.

"Miss Granger. Your promptness is of the utmost importance should you wish to spend any evening outside of detention this semester," He glared at her, then at Weasley, and then finally at Potter. He was met with glares from both boys, but she didn't look at him, "As I have finished the transition between the Potions room and the Defense room, your detention will take place in the Defense room. Do not keep me waiting. I am a man of little patience."

 _She has changed her mind._ As he walked to the classroom, his heart began to race. _This is it. The rejection that will sign my death certificate._ He felt nauseous and feverish and an ache burned in every joint in his body.

The only thing there was to do was wait. Hermione had about seven minutes to get to this room. He leaned against his desk at the front of the room and fought the urge to vomit. When she knocked and pushed the door open, he nearly passed out from the anxiety. He closed in on her in two strides and quickly warded the door.

"Well?" He said, crossing his arms in a way he had so many times, in a way that had made students flee from him for years. He looked down his nose at her. She didn't even flinch. _Here it comes._

"I want to be your Secret Keeper."

He reacted as if she had punched him in the gut. He bent over at the waist and leaned against the nearest desk to support himself. The tears came and he could not stop them. _Oh, God, I am so sorry._

Instead of turning on a heel and bolting from the room, she took a hesitant step forward, "May I touch you, Professor? I know that I did last night, but I should have asked you."

He twitched, but did not answer, so she put a hand on his shoulder. Her small and warm hand on his person, in that moment, was the only thing holding his sanity together. After several minutes, his tears subsided. _I am so sorry._

"How do we do this?" She asked. The usual curiosity in her voice put him more at ease.

"We will perform the Fidelius Charm," He said.

"Yes, but what does that entail exactly? Do we write this out, sign the document, and then charm it?"

"No," He looked at her, "I will ask you once more. Are you sure of this?"

"Yes, Professor," She nodded confidently. _Dear God._

"I will perform the charm. To do so, we must touch hands," He offered his hand in the gesture of a handshake. She looked at his hand briefly, extended her own, and put her small hand in his. _She is so young._

Her eyes were huge when she looked back up at him, "When I begin the charm, I will specify what the secrets entail. I intend to cover everything related to my position as a double agent and spy, the information you receive from me as being from me, and anything to do with my personal history or any personal information with this charm. I believe that the umbrella those stipulations will cover will be the most beneficial. Do you agree, or are there things you wish to be included?"

She looked at him for a long moment, but her grip on his hand never slackened, "I want it to include me. I want it to include my position in this war, any information about the war that you get from me, and any personal and relational information exchanged between us. I want it to be more mutual, more aligned to the idea that we are both Secret Keepers for each other."

 _Smart girl._ "Yes. I believe that can be accommodated," He nodded.

"Let's get on with this, then."

Her searched her face once more and, with his free hand, waved his wand. As he began the incantation, wispy strands of gold wound their way around their hands, wove up their arms, their chests, and eventually around their entire bodies.

The strands circulated over their bodies as he spoke, "I, Severus Snape, hereby entrust Hermione Granger with my secrets. Any and all information pertaining to my position as a double agent and a spy in this war against The Dark Lord, any information passed from me to her shall be protected by her and can never be traced back to me, and any personal and relational information exchanged between the two of us shall remain secret. Any safe home or settlement I possess shall be hers, and shall be protected under this sacred bond. These things we shall share in secrecy and she will protect me to the best of her ability. These things I give her to safeguard. I bond myself to her. I trust her with my secrets, and my life. I proclaim Hermione Granger as my Secret Keeper." _Dear God, I'm not alone. I..can trust. Finally._

She spoke, "I, Hermione Granger, hereby entrust Severus Snape with my secrets. Any and all information pertaining to my position in The Order of the Phoenix, as a friend of Harry Potter, any information I pass to him, and all personal and relational information exchanged between the two of us shall remain secret. Any home or settlement I possess shall be his and will be protected under this sacred bond. These things we will share in secrecy and he will protect me to the best of his ability. These things I give to him to safeguard. I bond myself to him. I trust him with my secrets, and my life. I proclaim Severus Snape as my Secret Keeper," Her voice never wavered. His chest began to swell with pride.

The gold strands disappeared into their bodies. Each time she spoke his given name, a shiver ran down his spine. _My Secret Keeper._ Relief and absolution to decades of loneliness overwhelmed him. He let go of her hand and slid down into one of the desk chairs in his classroom. She followed suit in the desk across from his. Neither of them spoke for a long time. She was staring at her hand and he did the same.

After several minutes in heavy silence, she said, "Professor?"

He looked from his hand to her face, "Where do we start?"

Hermione narrowed her eyes, "Tell me everything. I need to understand everything."

He looked at her for a long moment, ground his teeth, and said, "From the beginning then..."


	5. Chapter 5

He opened his mouth, thought for a moment, and then closed it. He swallowed, then tried again, but stumbled once more. _Merlin, I do not know how to do this._

"Sir? Maybe you should stop trying to think so much and stop trying to organize your thoughts? It doesn't have to make sense entirely. We can work that out together over time."

"Yes," he nodded his head once slowly, "You are aware I went to school with Potter's parents and their friends." _Am I really doing this?_

"Yes, sir," Her eyes stayed on his. _Can I do this? Can I really do this? I've never..._

"His mother, Lily, and I had been close once. Truly, I was closer to her than she was to me. She grew up in a neighborhood next to my own in Cokeworth. We met in the spring before we started at Hogwarts," He sounded as if he had slipped into a trance, "I'm sure it's hard to imagine that I did not have many friends, but I didn't. For all intents and purposes, she was the only one. I did not have a happy childhood, not so different from many other children where I grew up. My father, who was a muggle, was physically and emotionally abusive to both my mother and to me. He hated magic. Lily was a sort of safe haven and provided a semblance of happiness for me. I knew more of magic and Hogwarts than she did because my mother was a witch and, when my father was out drinking himself into a stupor, my mother would share things with me. My mother's knowledge allowed me to share something with Lily, and to have something to keep her interested in me. I did not grow to be a kind man, but I was a kind child, who was terrified of his father, adored his mother and, at the same time, resented her for not leaving him."

"Can I ask you something?" Came her quiet voice.

He did not look at her, but continued to stare at the floor, "Yes," He said just as quietly.

"Why didn't your mother leave?" _She didn't love me enough._

"Marriage is taken much more seriously in the wizarding world than it is in the muggle world. Divorce is a viable option for muggles, but the bond of marriage for us does not hold that same option. I suppose she, or any witch or wizard, could have left him, which was what I wanted, but she would have been shunned."

"Oh," Hermione whispered, "I didn't know that."

"On the train to Hogwarts our first year, I met James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin. Lily and I shared a car and discussed the different houses. I told her that I hoped I would be in Slytherin because I wanted to become the best wizard I possibly could be and Slytherin was known for being achievement driven. Potter overheard me and immediately had a problem with me because of what I said. He told me that only evil wizards and witches came out of Slytherin. It's not true, of course. The only house to never birth an evil witch or wizard is Hufflepuff. When we got to Hogwarts, I hoped desperately that Lily and I would be placed in the same house. Obviously, it didn't happen that way."

He glanced out the window behind her for a moment, and she could see that his eyes were filled with tears, though none had escaped down his cheeks yet. _Oh, Lily._

He continued and his voice was just as distant and steady, despite his obvious emotional struggle, "When Lily was placed in Gryffindor, I knew in my heart that we would eventually be driven apart. She, however, seemed quite determined to keep her friendship with me. That, of course, made me love her even more. Potter and his 'friends' continued to make my life a living hell, and it only got progressively worse. They called me names, pushed my school things out of my hands, shoved me into walls. Once, Black tricked me into going into the Shrieking Shack when Lupin was transformed into a werewolf. I was nearly killed, but Potter pulled me out just in time. It changed nothing in our relationship, though. They were hardly even punished for nearly killing me."

He paused, shivered, and she saw the tears began to fall down his pale cheeks, "By fifth year, I developed a fascination with the Dark Arts. Many of my housemates had the same obsession as well and, at first, it was a way to fit in. It grew to be something more. It became a way to defend myself, to feel control and power over my life. Lily hated my developing interest and frequently reminded me that she did. A distance grew between us. Our relationship broke when Potter bound my legs and strung me up in front of a gathering crowd. Everyone laughed with him. He pulled my pants down. They all laughed. It was quite horrifying. Lily appeared and shouted at James to put me down. He dropped me. His desire to win Lily's affections demanded he do something 'noble.' She ran to my side as I struggled to gain my footing and put my pants back on, and asked me if I was hurt."

He looked away from Hermione completely and closed off his body language, "I screamed at her that I didn't need her help, that I didn't..." he choked on the words. _God, I'm sorry, Lily. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Hermione._

"I said that I didn't need help from a mudblood like her," His head dropped and his hair fell in curtains around his face.

"You were humiliated. You had just been abused and assaulted by a group of teenagers in front of a crowd. Of course you didn't mean it. She was your best friend," Hermione wasn't angry. _Foolish sweet girl._

"She did not see it that way," he said after he was quiet for a long time, "I tried desperately for weeks to apologize to her, to gain her forgiveness. She refused to see how lost I was, how important she was to me, and how sorry I was for hurting her. She told me that, because I called everyone else like her that word, that I couldn't possibly make the exception for her," His hands were trembling.

"I'm sorry, Professor," She said.

"We never spoke again. We finished school, she married Potter, and I... joined the Death Eaters. The Dark Lord was on the rise for the first time. I overheard a prophecy from Madam Trelawney in a bar during her interview for the Divination job with Dumbledore. I'll never forget it."

"What did she say?"

"'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...'" He shuddered.

"Harry," She said.

"I did not know that at the time. I did not even know Lily had a child. I had done my best to keep away from her. The Dark Lord informed me that two children met the requirements - the Potter child and the Longbottom child. The Dark Lord chose Potter because he saw more of himself in Potter than Longbottom, as the Longbottoms are pure blood, and therefore he saw Potter as more of a threat. Potter is half-blood just as he is."

"You..."

"I am the reason Potter's parents were killed. When I realized that the Dark Lord meant to kill her son, I begged him to spare her. I was selfish, and willing to sacrifice her husband and son if only to save her. He did not understand why she mattered so much to me, but said he would attempt to spare Lily. In the meantime, I wasn't satisfied with his answer. I went to Dumbledore. I had realized how selfish I had been in my request to the Dark Lord. I begged him to hide her entire family. I begged him to keep her safe, to keep them all safe. In return, I said I would do anything. That is the moment I betrayed the Dark Lord and began to work with Dumbledore as a double-agent and spy. Dumbledore hired me as Potions Master to keep a close eye on me, and the Dark Lord, using my proximity to his enemy had me spy on Dumbledore," He let out a heavy sigh that he did not know he was holding. _She will leave now. She will flee from me now that she knows I am responsible for the deaths of her best friend's parents._

"After they were killed, I was distraught. Dumbledore assured me the Dark Lord would return and that Lily's son survived and would need my protection. He repeatedly reminded me that the child had precisely her eyes. To continue my role, to repay my debt to Lily and to her husband and son, I agreed to continue this double agency under one condition. Dumbledore agreed to never reveal my motives to anyone," He looked at her face. She was crying silently. _I am so sorry, Hermione._

She did not speak for several minutes, only looked at him. She studied his face, his eyes, his body language. The tears running down his face were so genuine that it hurt her, and her heart broke for him. This man was so damaged and traumatized.

"It's quite difficult to reconcile this version of you with the version I've known for six years. I think I like this version much better. You seem..." She hesitated, "So much more human."

His jaw set, "Yes, please feel free to share that with all of your classmates. The Greasy Dungeon Bat cries frequently and cannot handle his stress on his own. Besides, I'm quite certain I do not like either version."

Her eyes went wide, "That's not what I meant! I only meant that I feel as if I can relate to you and understand you so much better this way. I have never called you any name other than your own."

"It matters not," He avoided her gaze. _It matters a lot, really._

"I am so sorry, Professor Snape," She said, "for your suffering, for your loss, and for the guilt you feel. You have more than atoned for your mistakes already."

"That forgiveness isn't yours to give," he snapped. _She dares?_ He could feel his fuse shortening. He was emotionally and mentally spent and his nerves were fraying.

"No, but I know that it means something for you to hear it all the same," she glared at him.

"Why do Gryffindors always apologize for things that they had no control over and had nothing to with?" _It's quite unnecessary and unhelpful._

"I'm not sure," her eyes went to the floor between them, "but I think that we have plenty of time to work through these things and to help you feel more at peace inside of yourself, and to help us make sure we get the victory we both want."

 _Dear God, child, have you not heard any of what I just said?_ Defensiveness filled his chest. _She thinks I have time? I am dead either way this shit war ends._ His temper flared.

A glare, then a sneer, "Fortunately for you, my time left is probably quite limited. You might have all the time in the world - heroes and heroines conquer all in the end. All the glory will be yours despite the guts and lives of the peasants beneath you holding up the ground you strut on," As soon as he finished, he regretted it.

Her eyes were huge, staring into his. The tears welled up, but her Gryffindor pride would not let them fall, "I cannot believe you would honestly choose to degrade me right now, after what I've agreed to do for you and for this cause, after what I've just sat and listened to and been quite empathetic toward!" She stood and looked down at him. Her eyes were drowning in forbidden tears.

His head hung, "Hermione..."

"No, Snape," she spat.

"I'm sorry," He whimpered. _Please._

She looked at him. She remembered his words, that Lily refused to forgive him. He didn't deserve that then, and he didn't deserve it now.

"I forgive you, but I am angry with you. You deserve to know you're forgiven, but I deserve time to decompress and process. Should anything of import arise, you can arrange my next 'detention.' Otherwise, I'd like to be left alone for a bit," she crossed her arms.

"How long?" He said, looking at her with eyes so broken. _I can't do this without you._

"Maybe a day or two," she could feel her resolve and anger crumbling. _I've already ruined it. She is already leaving._

"I'm sorry," His voice was small and childlike. _I am so fucking sorry._

"I understand, but if this is going to work between us, you can't do that to me. I won't allow it. I understand you have not had many people you could trust or call your friend in a very long time, but that changed tonight. I'm going back to my dormitory. Goodnight, Professor," she turned on a heel and walked toward the door.

"Hermione," He said and when she turned, she jumped, as he had taken long strides to catch up to her.

"What?"

"Thank you. For this. I can never express how much it means to me. I can only hope to repay you in kind," His hand reached out, but he flexed his fingers and brought it back to his side. _Please, don't leave me alone in this._

"You're welcome. Goodnight," she turned away again and put her hand on the knob.

"I am sorry. Goodnight, Hermione," He said so quietly she almost missed it.


	6. Chapter 6

He wasn't sure how long he stood in the classroom staring at the closed door after she had departed. _Fuck._ Panic seeped into every cell in his body. He barely controlled the urge to go after her, to beg her to not take any sort of space. _I can't. I can't. It's improper. Get a grip._

It was another long night without sleep. At breakfast, he tried his hardest not to glance in her direction, but he felt eyes on him. When he glanced up, her eyes met his across the hall. She smiled, just slightly, and a sense of calm washed over him. _She doesn't hate me._ He very nearly cried right there in front of hundreds of students and dozens of staff.

With a sweep of his robes, he walked out of the room. He didn't attempt to look at her anymore. She asked for distance, and he would respect that. She had given him a small assurance, and he could lean on that. _Thank you._

During class with her, he was unusually distracted and subdued. He gave the students a written assessment as opposed to a lecture or lab, and he sat at his desk pretending to read their previous essays, "When this class is over, leave your exams on your desk. I will collect them myself," he drawled, causing several students to jump.

That evening, Friday, he was sitting in his quarters when his left arm began to burn. As Severus had many obligations, he was allowed more time to apparate to the Dark Lord than other Death Eaters. _God damn this maniac._ He floo messaged Dumbledore that he had been summoned.

Before he made his way out of the castle, he scribbled on a small piece of parchment, "Screech," he called, "make sure she gets this when she is alone." Screech stared at him and then flew off with the note.

Much to Severus' luck, Hermione had been studying on her own at the time Screech found her. She read the scribbled and rushed handwriting, "Summoned. Thought you should be aware." He hadn't signed the note. Of course, he hasn't. She quickly wrote a short note back to him, "Hurry, before he leaves!"

The owl took off and raced toward Severus, who was very near the school's barrier. The bird landed on the ground before him, and he grabbed the note. _What's this?_ He read the note, Hermione's sloppy yet delicate handwriting, "Please let me know when you've returned. Be careful."

 _Why I never..._

His arm burned again more intensely. He stepped through the barrier and apparated.

"Severusss, I was worried you would not come," Snape met the pale snake eyes.

"I am sorry, my Lord, Dumbledore..."

Voldemort cut him off with a demented grin on his face, "Ah, yes. How is the old man?"

"He remains blissfully ignorant," Severus said without hesitation.

"Good, my faithful spy," Voldemort smiled and revealed his animalistic razor sharp teeth.

 _Fucking psychopath._ Snape nodded and took his seat. These meetings were stagnant. There would be very little to discuss until Dumbledore was out of the way. _Murdered. By me._ Until then, Voldemort could not progress much, if at all. _Thank Merlin._

"Severuss," Snake face called to him, pulling him out of his thoughts.

"Yes, my Lord?"

"You will keep a close eye on Draco, yes? His task is very important."

"Of course, my Lord," Snape looked from the slits of Voldemort's pupils to the fearful blue eyes of Draco Malfoy. Draco quickly averted his eyes. _Stubborn child. He wants to do this all on his own._

"You may go back to to Hogwarts, Severuss. Thank you for joining us." _Mercy._

At this dismissal, Snape pushed his chair out and began to walk toward the stairs and out of this god forsaken house.

"Oh, and Severus?" The cold voice came again.

"Yes, my Lord?" Severus turned back to face him.

"Do not be so late again," The Dark Lord's voice was icy.

"Yes, my Lord. I apologize for my tardiness." _Fuck you, you sick fuck._

He walked out of the mansion, but heard footsteps behind him.

"Severus?"

He turned to face Narcissa Malfoy trailed by her sociopathic sibling, Bellatrix.

"Can we talk?" She looked at him uncertainly.

"Are we not talking now?"

"Don't trust him, sissy. He is already playing word games!" Bellatrix hissed.

"Somewhere private, perhaps?"

"Number 9 Spinner's End in Cokeworth. Meet me there in five minutes." _This should be exceedingly painful._

A knock on the door of his dingy childhood home came quickly after his arrival. He opened the door and allowed both Narcissa and Bellatrix into his home.

He listened as Narcissa asked for his help with her son's task. Severus assured her he was aware of the situation, which irked Bella tremendously. _Good. Bitch._

"Will you help him, Severus?"

"I will try, Narcissa," He said seriously.

"It's just empty words!" Bellatrix circled him like the mad dog she was, "He'll give it his best and when it falls apart, he'll slither back into his hole," she poked her wand into his back, "Coward."

 _No._ "Take out. Your. Wand," He said emphatically.

Before he could really process what was happening, Severus had taken an Unbreakable Vow to protect Draco and to make sure that his task was carried out. _Fuck. What have I done? Fuck._ Bellatrix giggled between them, "Oh, Sevvy, my, my. You certainly have a pair of bollocks on you, don't you? Not that you ever let anyone see," She pouted.

When he looked at Narcissa again, she was crying, "He intends me to do it in the end, I think. But he is determined that Draco should try first," He stared at her, making sure to keep his features blank. Her eyes flickered and he saw... _Sympathy..._ In her eyes. _Sympathy?_

"Thank you, Severus," Narcissa breathed.

"I must return to Hogwarts. I have been gone too long."

With that, the two women left his home, and he disapparated back to Hogwarts.

Upon returning to his quarters, he began throwing things repeatedly - essays, textbooks, quills - anything that he could get his hands on. He flipped several desks.

"God damn it!!!!" _I am so tired of being a puppet to two different psychotic power hungry puppeteers._

A soft knock on his classroom door brought him back a little to reality. He flung the door open, "Dumbledore, this can wait... I..." he met the tired eyes of Hermione Granger.

"Professor, I.. I'm sorry to come here. I hadn't heard from you," She stumbled over her words, "I... I was worried." _Worried? About me? How long has it been since anyone has worried about me?_

"I am still amongst the living," He said. He noticed her shivering. She was standing in a drafty castle in Scotland in only pajamas and a thin sweater, "Good Lord, girl, get in."

She sat at a desk. He stripped his outer cloak, put a warming charm on it, and handed it to her. _I am definitely going to need that back._ She took it and wrapped it around her shoulders and relished the warmth, "I'll need that back," He gestured to the cloak.

"I imagine it would be hard to get the same billowing effect without a cloak," She smirked.

"Indeed," He raised an eyebrow.

"Thank you, sir."

"You can't stay here long," He told her. When she looked put out, he added, "Your headmaster will come looking for me as well. Unless you'd like to explain to him why you're sitting in my classroom at half past two in the morning wearing my cloak, it would be prudent for you to be gone soon," he raised his eyebrow again, "Besides, you were the one who was seeking space."

"I was hurt, emotional, and tired," She explained. _I'm sorry._

"As you had every right to be," He said coolly.

"Was it quite bad?" She asked.

"To what are you referring?"

"The summons," She said and glanced around the disaster of a room, "It looks to me that it was. Did something happen?" _Worry._

"Not at the meeting, no. After, I was stopped by Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange," The names caused her to shiver and pull his charmed cloak tighter around her, "Narcissa asked me to help Draco with a task the Dark Lord has given him."

She looked up at him. He was leaning against the wall while she sat at a desk facing him, "What task is that, Professor Snape?"

"To assassinate Albus Dumbledore."

"What?!" Her mouth dropped open.

"Close your mouth, Granger, it's quite unflattering," His dark eyes sparked just briefly. _Well, that went swimmingly._

"He's just a boy! He's a bully, a vile, pompous, and arrogant little toe rag, but he's still a child!" She fumed.

"Quiet, young lioness. Tsk, tsk," he clicked his tongue, "Look at you. Defending a snake."

"He's just a boy," she said and a single tear fell from her eye.

"Indeed," He said, "The matter is irrelevant."

"How?"

"Because both Dumbledore and the Dark Lord intend for me to carry out the task. Draco being involved is merely an attempt to humiliate and disgrace his father even further," Snape picked at a piece of skin by his nail.

"What did you tell Draco's mother?"

"I told her that I would help him," He said.

Something in his face gave him away to her, "You're not telling me the entire truth."

He bristled. _Fuck,_ "To prove the seriousness of my commitment to help Draco, Bellatrix performed... She... I made the Unbreakable Vow."

Hermione started crying heavily, "But I... But if he doesn't succeed..."

"Yes, well, that isn't a snag. It's quite redundant really. Dumbledore says I need to kill Dumbledore. The Dark Lord says I need to kill Dumbledore. That was covered by Bellatrix, I assure you. She leaves very few loose ends untied," He said, trying to stifle his emotions. _Be strong for her. You have put so much weight on this young girl already._

She searched his face, "I'm sorry."

"You really must learn to stop apologizing for things for which you are not responsible," He signed.

"I'm not apologizing for them. I'm apologizing for the weight they have on you. This is just another chain that binds you. It's another thing that takes away your humanity and your freedom, and it's another thing that preys on your sanity," She wiped her eyes.

His tears came involuntarily. He struggled to master himself, but it became easier when the classroom door handle began to twist. Both heads snapped to the door and he stepped protectively in front of her with his wand drawn.

Albus Dumbledore stepped into the room. _Shit._


	7. Chapter 7

Dumbledore's blue eyes met his, and Snape stepped aside slightly and the twinkling eyes moved to Hermione.

"Miss Granger?" Dumbledore's eyes narrowed, and Severus winced. _I hadn't intended for this to happen. Please, Hermione._ His eyes dashed to her face.

"Good evening, Professor Dumbledore," Snape glanced at her and could see as many thoughts rushing through her head as through his own. _I'm so sorry._

"Just what exactly do you think you are doing here, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore's voice was scolding, with a hint of knowing condescension. _Bastard._

Snape saw her eyes flash, her jaw twitch, and then her features settled. _A decision?_

"I was merely worried for Professor Snape after I learned he had been summoned," She said with a little bit of Gryffindor arrogance. _Oh, my._

Snape looked at Dumbledore's stricken face and had to cough to suppress the laugh threatening to escape. He nearly choked on it and the cough turned into a right fit. _Damn it! This girl will kill me. I am sure of it._

"As you can see, Professor Snape is in fit condition. He was not summoned anywhere. He's been right here in this castle for the whole evening," Dumbledore tried to pass off his words as truth.

"Oh, come off it, man," Snape scoffed and caught the smirk on Hermione's face.

Dumbledore's voice was cold, "Severus, what have you done?"

Snape opened his mouth to snap back, but Hermione pushed in front of him, "What he's done is finally given obtained someone trustworthy, someone with cleverness and intelligence that nearly rivals his own, and someone who will be his friend so that he doesn't have to spend every single day of this god forsaken war bouncing between power hungry men who intend to use him as some sacrificial lamb," She growled and then spat, " _Sir._ "

 _Sweet mercy. She... defends me?_ Snape had read about the intensity of the bond between Secret Keepers, but he also knew that it was different for each pair. His chest swelled with pride as he stared at the back of her head and magic sparked across her hair. _Little Lioness defending a Snake again._

Dumbledore looked over her head, "Severus," He said through gritted teeth, "What have you done?" He repeated the question.

"Miss Granger has just described what I have done perfectly well," He sneered, "However, since you find yourself confused, let me make it plain for you. Miss Granger is my Secret Keeper," He folded his arms across his chest. _Her confidence is contagious._

"And he is my Secret Keeper," She mirrored him, let his cloak fall to the floor, and crossed her arms over her chest and stood there proudly. _My Secret Keeper._

"Miss Granger, I believe I need to have a conversation with Professor Snape," Dumbledore's fury blazed behind his eyes, "In private."

Snape shrunk at the tone and he was just about to agree, but Hermione spoke up, "Whatever it is you feel you need to scold him for, you can say to me as well. I believe that I am now a safer bet than even you are when it comes to helping him to play his part in this chess match war of yours," She snapped. _Hermione..._

Snape's heart swelled at having been so defended, and his smirk widened when Dumbledore looked absolutely pissed.

"You have done the charms?" He questioned as his eyes flitted between the two of them.

"Yes," They answered in unison.

"Severus, I cannot believe you have made such a rash decision," Dumbledore chided, "She's only a child!"

"I'm standing right here, Professor," Hermione seethed, "And we both happen to believe that I am not only capable of handling Professor Snape's delicate situation, but also that this situation is mutually beneficial."

Her magic crackled across her skin once more, "Miss Granger," he drawled, and her head snapped to his. Something burned behind her eyes at being called that once more, but meeting his gaze, she understood and backed down, "The insufferable know-it-all," he smirked, "is, unsurprisingly, correct. It is to our mutual benefit."

"You, Severus, have compromised everything," Dumbledore shook his head in disappointment.

"Quite the contrary, actually," Snape's voice was lethal, "After you have me murder you, what was to be the plan moving forward? Who was to be saving Potter's life? Who was to be passing the golden trio information from the inside? It certainly couldn't have been me on my own. Potter won't let me near him after what I've done, and not everything will be able to work out in perfect stealth executed by me and me alone as it has before," The venom in his voice was palpable, "Not that it would matter to you, since I'll have murdered you."

Dumbledore was quiet for a minute, "Whose idea was this?"

"Mine," Hermione's piped up. _Why? Why are you lying for me?_

Dumbledore's gaze searched hers, "Why did you ask Professor Snape to agree to this?" _Legilimency? No. He wouldn't. I'll have to teach her._

"I knew of his position in the war. Granted, I had no idea of his upcoming 'task.' I figured he would be the most valuable ally to have. I'm one of Harry's best friends. Professor Snape is working to protect Harry, so we have a mutual goal in mind, and we're both working for the same side." _So clever._

Snape watched Dumbledore's face and kept his face impassive.

"Severus, do you realize what you've done? Without intent on either side, you will grow to care for one another. You'll be distracted, biased. You'll be put into a position where your decisions aren't your own. You will be influenced."

"That's rich coming from you," Hermione barked.

Dumbledore looked at her carefully, "Miss Granger, has Severus done anything untoward to you? Has he pressured you into this in any way? You do not need to defend him, young lady."

 _How dare you?!_ Severus' mouth opened, but Hermione cut him off once again, "How dare you?!" She echoed his own thoughts, "Because he is human and needs someone he can trust, he's been acting inappropriately toward me??"

The headmaster sighed, "I understand, Miss Granger. Your loyalty is to Severus."

"You're damn right it is," She huffed, "And you better get used to treating him as a human being and not as some expendable pawn. People are not chess pieces."

Snape stared at her. His mouth hung open slightly. _Hermione._

"We will speak later... When tempers are calmer," Dumbledore rose from his chair and walked away from both of them, "I hope that you both will take care of this situation and discuss the seriousness of your irrational act," His voice was chastising.

"Indeed," Snape said slowly.

Dumbledore left and closed the door forcefully behind him.

"You should go," Snape said quietly.

Hermione looked at him closely. His jaw was twitching. His eyes were dark, "Are you okay?"

He didn't answer that question, but instead said, "I need to teach you both legilimency and occulumency. I have not yet figured out a way for us to communicate discretely, but I have an idea" His words were slow and deliberate.

"Are you okay?" She repeated. She was completely undeterred by his avoidance.

"I..." He stopped, "I am grateful for your support. I do not know that I have ever been so taken care of before in my entire life," his voice quaked, "but I... Thank you," He met her steady gaze.

"You deserve to be taken care of, Professor Snape," She said, "You are a good man."

He shuddered at her words. _My God, "_ Goodnight, Hermione."

"Goodnight, Professor Snape," The door closed behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

Sleep avoided Severus for much of the remaining night. He needed to work out a way to communicate with Hermione that was completely private. Dumbledore staring at Hermione had frightened him. He knew that much of their relationship was now protected, but not everything, and her mind was not a box to be unhinged. Her mind was sacred. _And clever. And protective. And kind._

The Dark Lord was able to access the minds of people physically far away from them. Albeit, he was probably the most skilled Legilimens alive. _Well. Not alive._

He pulled a book from the trunk in his office and searched for information. He had a hunch. Perhaps if he could strengthen the mental bond between them, and form a joint mental defense with Occulumency while also permitting total access to one another with Legilimency. _This... It will be quite difficult. To perform both at the same time..._

Snape still wanted her to have her own mind independent from him. He wanted his privacy as well. It needed to function as some sort of... door that either could knock on and gain entrance. And it needed to work when they were far apart physically. _It might work, but it will take months of practice._

He spent hours pouring over any book that could possibly help. A small owl tapping on the window in his office interrupted his thoughts. He opened the window and outside air rushed in and smelled of impending heavy rain.

He took the note and read "May I come see you, Professor?" _Hermione._

He wrote back, smirking, "Has anything ever stopped you before?"

Within minutes he heard his classroom door open and close, "Ward the door," Came his low voice.

"Has Professor Dumbledore tried to contact you?" She questioned softly.

His eyes snapped up to hers, "No. Has he tried to contact you?"

"He requested that I come to his office. I didn't," She crossed her arms and leaned on the door frame, "He probably wants to interrogate me to make sure you haven't slipped me any potions. Really, I avoided him because I feared I might slip him something..."

"My, my. I might make a Slytherin of you yet," He smirked.

"Impossible," she chuckled, "Have you learned anything interesting?"

"I have a theory."

"Out with it then," She pulled the chair in front of his desk out and sat across from him.

Snape explained in great detail what he was thinking. He could see her mind working throughout the conversation. When he finished, he asked, "What do you think?"

"From what I've read on those two particular skills, a witch or wizard must have some sort of natural inclination or aptitude..." She sighed, "I am not sure that I do."

"Would you like me to try?" He leaned back in his chair.

"What?! Right here? Now?" Her eyes widened.

"Neither the time nor place matter, Hermione."

"I..." She swallowed the lump of nerves in her throat and steeled herself, "Okay."

"Look at me," His velvet voice called to her. Her eyes met his, "Legilimens."

 _A birthday party. Young. 7. Her Hogwarts letter. 11._ He pushed deeper, trying to see if she had natural defenses. _McLaggen. Weasley. Competing for her affections._ Strange jealousy pitted in his stomach. _Weasley kissing Brown. Hurt. Anger. Heartbreak._

"No!" She yelled, and shoved him out so forcefully he had to catch his breath.

He looked at her face and she was glaring at him. He straightened up in his chair, "I am sorry, Hermione. I... did not mean..." _I'm sorry._

"Doesn't matter," She scowled, "What of my abilities then?"

He didn't respond and she narrowed her eyes. He was studying her. Gauging her. For what? His features looked stressed, confused, worried.

"You're worried you've hurt me?"

 _I am so sorry._ He neither nodded nor shook his head, but she could feel the accuracy of her interpretation radiating off of his body.

"You haven't."

 _I am so sorry._

He nodded, "Truly, I can think of no time when I have been thrown out of someone's mind more forcefully," He raised an eyebrow.

"What does that mean?" _Ever the student._

"It would seem you are more than able to fine tune and strengthen Occulumency."

"What about Legilimency?"

He clenched his jaw several times, "Would you like to try?" _She already knows the worst of me._

"On you?"

"Unless you see someone else here in this office?" His eyebrow nearly reached his hairline.

"Right. Sorry," She flushed, "I just... say the word?"

"No. You will need to use your wand until you get better at it. Point it at my face," She did as she was told, "Good girl. Now, say it."

"Legilimens!"

 _His father chasing him up the stairs._ She steered away. _His Hogwarts letter. His sorting. The Slytherin common room._

 _Can you hear me?_ He felt her consciousness jump.

 **Yes.**

 _Good. Focus on me. Focus on my voice. Use that defense you used against me and use it around me. Protect me. Protect us._

 **I can feel your shields.**

 _That's promising. Focus on me, Hermione._

 **I'm trying, Professor.**

 _You can do it. Protect me. Please._

That did it. Her shields wrapped around him. They were weak, but they were there. It could be worked with.

 **This is... ours?**

 _Indeed. It is my hope that we can grow this and strengthen it. It needs to have no weaknesses or flaws, and needs to be able to work even over great distances._

 **His voice is so...**

 _Miss Granger..._ He cut her off _... it would be unwise for you to finish that thought._

 **Fuck! Sorry! I'm so sorry.**

The connection broke. Her face was beet red. His eyes were narrow and shielded, "I do not take being mocked lightly."

"What?" Her face lit up and surprise, "You... Think I was going to mock you?"

He glared at her then glanced at the clock, "You should meet your friends for lunch."

She nodded, "You're not going?"

"I am not hungry," He said steadily, his voice distant.

"Okay," He was avoiding her now, "I wasn't mocking you Professor."

With her back to him, he dared to look at her once more. _My voice? If she wasn't mocking me, what else could have possibly finished that thought? Unless... Oh. No. There was no way._


	9. Chapter 9

He stared at the knotted wood on his desk. _There is no possible way. None. Zero._ He shivered and shook his head. _I need sleep._ He moved from desk and went into his quarters. _Yes, this should really deter the 'Snape's a vampire' theory._

Severus slept for a few hours, but it was restless. When he woke, he continued his reading and took notes on his findings. The more he learned, the more confident he became in his theory.

He did not meet with Hermione again for several days. He was, immaturely, avoiding her. His classes with her were suffocating for him, but his demeanor did not convey any discomfort. It was business as usual to the outside world. After their Thursday class, he walked out of his classroom only to nearly bump right into the Golden Trio.

As he moved to avoid contact, he scowled and prepared to fire a scathing remark, but Weasley said, "Oh, c'mon, Mione. It's your birthday! You're 17 now! We've got to do something to celebrate!"

He flinched, but kept his pace moving away from them in long strides. _It's her birthday? Selfish. I've... been a terrible Secret Keeper for her. I have put so many of my burdens on her and taken none of hers on myself._

He ducked into the next available classroom, grabbed Floo powder, and went to Diagonal Alley. He had a rather good idea for a birthday present.

After the purchase, he went back to Hogwarts. _How the fuck am I supposed to give this to her? What the hell was I thinking? Sure, Snape, walk right up to her and give her a gift. That's appropriate and in character. Well, perhaps this could be an experiment?_

He sat at his desk again breathing deeply and slowly. He focused on what her presence had felt like in his mind, the safety of it, how she demanded her shields to wrap him within them to protect him. He focused on the feeling of her shields. _Steady._ He could feel them now, encompassing him. The faint buzzing in his mind that signaled her protection and presence. The comforting hum of her.

 _Hermione?_ He called to her.

 **Professor Snape... I... What is this?**

 _An experiment. Where are you?_

 **We just got back to Hogwarts. We were at The Three Broomsticks.**

 _If you can spare a moment and can get away, I'd like a minute of your time._

 **Of course, sir.**

He had reached her all the way in Hogsmeade. _That's promising._ He sniffed. His nose had started running. _A cold is just what I need._

Hermione caused him to jump when she walked in the room, "Professor?" _That was quick._

He walked out of his office and met her in a row between desks, "I... have something for you."

"Professor, your nose is bleeding."

"It is?" He pulled a handkerchief from his frock jacket and pressed it against the underside of his nose. It was, indeed, bleeding.

"Are you feeling okay? You look unwell."

"I am fine. It was harder than I thought it would be to connect with you," he waved his hand dismissively, "I have something for you."

"Oh?" She questioned.

He summoned the book, wrapped in thick brown paper and tied up with twine. She opened it and smiled up to him, revealing beautifully white and straight teeth, "Professor! This book is wonderful. I have been wanting this book for a long time. This... must have cost you a fortune. How did you know I love Charms?"

He shrugged, "I have known you for six years," He raised that eyebrow.

She snorted, "Thank you."

"Happy Birthday, Hermione," He gave her a small smile.

She beamed at him, "Go back to your dormitory and celebrate with your friends. Congratulations on becoming an adult. Happy Birthday," He nodded.

Before he knew it, he was crushed in an embrace. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his rib cage and she still had the book in one hand. The spine poked into his kidney. He could smell her hair. _Almond...and Shea?_

His arms were restricted by her embrace and were pinned tightly to his sides, "Miss Granger. You shouldn't do this," She pulled away. _Empty._

"Sorry. I was just excited," Her eyes went to the floor.

"Do not trouble yourself over it, Hermione. Go. Enjoy your birthday," he pointed his chin toward the door. She went.

 _Empty._

 _Shea._

 _Almond._

 _Empty._

 _Shea._

 _Almond._

 _Empty._

 _Empty._

 _Empty._

A knock on his door interrupted his strange feelings. He opened the door and expected to find a first year Slytherin year feeling homesick.

"You have been avoiding me, Severus," The old man stood in the doorway - a cold fire twinkling in his eyes.

"Oh, bloody hell..."


	10. Chapter 10

"We need to talk, Severus," Dumbledore peered at him over his half-moon glasses.

"I see little point in it."

"I disagree," Dumbledore stepped around Severus and into the room.

Snape made no move further into the room. Instead, he planted his feet and crossed his arms, "Spit it out then, Dumbledore."

"Do you realize the danger you've put her in? I know you are an intelligent man, Severus, but this was stupid."

"Yes, because your death certainly would not ever make her less safe," The sarcasm dripped in every word. _I am quite aware of what I've done._

"The severity of this..."

"Oh, spare me, Albus," Snape waved his hands in exasperation. _Bugger off, old man._

"Why would you do this? How could you do this to me?"

"TO YOU?" Snape roared, "YOU! YOU HAVE LIED TO ME, USED ME, ISOLATED ME, ABUSED ME, AND HUNG ME OUT TO DRY MORE TIMES THAN I CAN COUNT."

"Severus!"

"NO! SHUT UP! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE YOU WILL LISTEN TO THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE!" He bellowed and then took a deep breath, "You have ruined me, Dumbledore. You ask me to split my soul, you ask me to kill the one person who knew I wasn't... bad. You do that knowing what it does to me, what it makes me to everyone. You... You used the worst parts of my life against me. You've turned me into a husk of a man. You had a chance to save me, but you didn't choose me. Instead, you've always chosen boys like Harry Potter, like his father - your blessed Gryffindors. You expected me to function after making me your total pariah? You expected me to be able to handle it? Well, it may have escaped your notice, but I'm a fucking human being. God forbid, Severus Snape has emotions and feels stress and needs a friend, yes? I'm sure that's a really tough potion for you to swallow, Dumbledore, but your puppet is flesh and blood. Now, I've had my fill on you, so if you could be so kind and get the fuck out of my classroom," Snape wandlessly tore the door open.

Dumbledore's jaw was hanging open. His face was intense and focused, "Severus..."

"Get. Out."

"Severus, please."

"GET OUT! I said get out! Leave me the fuck alone for once in my damn life, you self-serving, arrogant, and heartless bastard!"

With that, Dumbledore turned and walked slowly out the door. Snape grabbed the thick wooden door frame with both hands and slammed it shut with all of his strength.

"FUCK!" He growled and turned around and kicked a classroom. In the act, he broke two toes.

 _Why can't I have anything good?_

 _Why can't I be human?_

 _Why can't I have one friend?_

 _Why can't I have emotions?_

 _Why can't I have a say in what I am to do?_

 _Why can't I have a friend?_

 _Why can't I have one friend?_

 _Almond._

 _Shea._

Snape leaned his back against the door and slid down to the floor. He held his knees to his chest and sobbed. For hours. _Why? Why? Why can't I have one single shred of happiness in my life? Why don't I deserve even that? Why can't I at least be left alone to rot in peace? All of this will be for nothing for me. I will die either way. I..._

The tears streamed endlessly down his face. He cried so hard he nearly vomited. He scraped his fingers on the cement floor until his nails bled.

 _I can't do this anymore. I can't. I can't live this way anymore. I can't do this anymore._

Thoughts of suicide crept back into his head. He travelled down a progressively darker path in his mind.

 _Just do it. Just do it. Your life is worth nothing. Nothing. You are nothing. You killed the woman you loved, her husband, and cursed her only child. You're a spiteful, vindictive, and pathetic excuse for a man._

He pulled himself up off of the floor and turned around to the door. He swung hard with his right hand, then his left. Over and over and over and over. The wood chipped under the force of him. His hands split and bled profusely.

His heart rate slowed down slightly and he pressed his palms to the door and rested his forehead on the old wood. _Fuck you, Severus._

 _Almond._

 _Shea._


	11. Chapter 11

Hermione didn't see Snape at breakfast, lunch, or dinner. Worried, she knocked on the classroom door. After several moments of silence, she peaked into the room. There was no sign of Severus.

She tried to reach out to him with her mind, but her nose instantly started bleeding.

Monday afternoon, Snape walked into the classroom. He avoided her eyes. The dark circles appeared darker. His eyes were red rimmed and when he instructed, she noticed his hands were bruised, swollen, and scabbed. He had obviously tried to heal them and used salves to help.

She stared at him as other students began to work around her. By luck, she caught his gaze and he heard the hum again.

 **What's wrong? You're unwell. You're injured.**

 _I am fine._

 **Professor... What's happened?**

 _Later. Please._ He looked away and blocked her out.

After dinner, she sought him out.

"What happened?"

"Dumbledore," He grunted.

"What did he do to you?" She asked.

"He... reminded me of the burden I've asked you to carry," He looked away, "He also claimed that I did this as some sort of slight to him."

"Well, that's certainly a very self important thing to assume."

"Indeed," His eyes moved to the window again.

She moved toward him, and touched his elbow. He was trembling. He looked at her face, and then at her hand on him, "Hermione," His voice was so soft.

"You're not going to have to face any of this on your own," She reminded him.

"I... He's right. I've done a terrible thing to you."

"I don't agree. You're a human being."

He searched her face and pulled away from her, "How are you?"

"What do you mean? I'm okay, sir," She half smiled.

"How are you coping?"

"I admit this is all a bit overwhelming," She chuckled slightly.

"Only a bit?" He raised his eyebrow.

She smiled, but didn't say anything.

"You know that you can talk to me, too. I agreed to keep your secrets as well."

"I know," She looked up at him, "But, to be honest, I'm not sure I have the words, yet."

"Understandable," He nodded his head and stared out the window again.

She took a deep breath, "I think our communication is going well. At least so far."

"Indeed," He said, "It will take time to strengthen the connection, our stamina, and the ability to communicate over greater distances, but if we continue to communicate at least daily, in different circumstances, I believe this will be reliable."

"Yes, I hope so."

He turned to face her. She was facing the window. Her eyes were unfocused. Her hair was pulled back and some stray waves framed her face. The freckles were clear on her porcelain skin. Her frame looked thinner than he remembered it being. _Have I ever paid attention before?_ She had dark half circles under her eyes.

"You are not sleeping," He said pointedly.

"I don't think that's really fair for you to say considering you haven't been either," She didn't look at him and her face dropped a little. _Do something nice for her, Severus, you idiot. Get her mind off things._

"I suppose so," He said, "Do you want to go out for a walk?"

"It's after curfew," She looked at him.

"I do not have a curfew, Hermione."

"Yes, but I do," She said, "Don't I?"

"I'm certain I can make an exception," He smirked.

She smiled, but her face was still sad, "Okay."

As they walked toward the lake, he struggled to come up with a conversation topic. _I have absolutely no clue how to do this. Usually, I avoid conversation._

He cleared his throat, "What do your parents do in the muggle world?"

"They're dentists," She said, "They tend to people's teeth."

He leaned toward her and bumped her shoulder, initiating contact for the first time, "Half-blood," He chuckled, his laugh a deep rumble in his chest.

"Right," She said and smiled, "Sorry."

"You're an only child, yes?"

"Yes, sir. Are you?"

"Yes. What do your parents think of the wizarding world?"

She shrugged, "Obviously, they don't really understand much of what goes on in our world, but they're supportive. They're proud of me."

"As they should be," That drew a smile. _Hermione._

"They worry though," She said, "They're muggles, but they sense the world changing." _Yes._

Severus sighed and nodded, "It feels like it did last time."

She chewed on the inside of her cheek. _I am so sorry you have to experience this._ They walked around the rest of lake in comforting and understanding silence. When they arrived back at the castle, Severus turned to face her. He reached into his pocket, "Take this tonight."

She looked at the vial, "Dreamless Sleep?"

He nodded, "And you need to be eating more."

"Yes, Dad," The sarcasm in her voice rivaled his own.

"That, Miss Granger, is very much not the case," He raised that infamous eyebrow, "Goodnight, Hermione. Sleep well. Eat well."

She touched his elbow again, "Thank you, Professor."

He dipped his head to her, and brushed by her. He smelled her again.

 _Almond._

 _Shea._

 _Definitely not "Dad."_

 _Bloody Hell._


	12. Chapter 12

By November, their mental communication had strengthened tremendously. There were, occasionally, nosebleeds when they pushed themselves too far, but, on the whole, things were progressing well.

 **I need to speak with you. May I come now, Professor?**

 _Can you give me five minutes to get the meddlesome old man out of my office?_

 **I'm not sure.**

 _Come now, Hermione._

He felt the connection break and blinked. Her voice sounded... tense.

"Albus, we're going to have to wrap this up," he flicked his wrist.

"And why is that, Severus?"

"My Secret Keeper needs me," His jaw set.

"How do you know that? What have you done?" His eyes narrowed in curiousness.

"It is," His eyes sparked, "A secret."

"I am glad, at least, that you find yourself amusing, Severus. I sincerely hope there is nothing improper going on here."

Severus scoffed, "Leave, man." _That's not ever going to happen. Not that I'd ever want that anyway. She's a student. Almond. Shea. Freckles. Fucking hell._

"Severus..."

"Go. I need no lectures. I am as celibate as the day you met me at 11. I am just priestly," He sneered. _Prick._

"That, my boy, is far too much information," Dumbledore peered over his glasses at him, "I hope that is true. She is a young girl with a bright future ahead of her." _Yes, and I would ruin it all for her, you son of a bitch._

"I am well aware," He glared. _So aware._

Dumbledore took his leave and Hermione arrived probably 30 seconds later in a flurry of black and scarlet.

"I think Harry is getting into dark magic," She was out of breath.

"Why do you think that?" His eyes darkened - his expression was serious.

"He got this... textbook, for Potions, and there are notes written all over it, and spells I've never heard of," _No. It couldn't be, could it?_ "The only thing it has in the front of it is 'This book is the property of the Half-Blood Prince.' Except I couldn't find any such prince in the library anywhere." _Well, fuck,_ "It's filled with curses, and tips for potion making. He's top of the class," Her brow furrowed, "He's obsessed with it. He spends hours pouring over it. He's angry. Defensive. All the time. He meets with Dumbledore in private, he won't share much of anything with us, and he spends all of his spare time with his nose in that book."

"Hermione... I..." He struggled to find the words. _I made all those fucked up spells, Hermione. It's my book. I'm sure you needed more evidence of my deplorable character._

"What?"

"I'm the Half-Blood Prince," He stared into her eyes.

Her eyes went wide, "Those spells..."

"Are mine," His body sagged in disappointment and self-loathing, "I thought that the book was safe enough at the bottom of all the newer textbooks because I never had high enough enrollment in that class. Slughorn accepted OWL level students with Exceeds Expectations. I didn't," He picked at a scratch on his desk.

"How old were you?" Her eyes were serious and worried, "Those... curses... They're... changing Harry. They're...lethal."

"16. Perhaps 17," He shrugged and looked like a small child.

"Oh," Her voice was distant. _The straw that broke the camel's back?_

"I'm sorry," He said. He looked at her with tears threatening to fall. Her eyes, too, were watery, "I am so sorry. You need to get that book away from, Potter," He looked away.

She stood, and backed away from him. Her hand was massaging the back of her neck. _She's leaving._

"I'll speak to you later, Professor Snape."

"Hermione, please. I was lost. Hurting. Filled with angst and anger. I was depressed. Please. Please don't be afraid of me," _Please don't leave._

"I know. I..." She watched as he broke again.

"I'm so sorry," He cried, "So sorry."

She walked around the desk and put her hand on his shoulder, "Professor, do... would you like a hug?"

 _Yes. Sweet Merlin, yes. NO._

"NO!" He blurted out before he realized what he was doing. He stood quickly and back away from her so quickly that he stumbled over his chair.

She bit her lip. Confused. Disappointed, "I'm not sure what it is you want from me," She sighed.

"You can't touch me," He shook his head. _Touching is bad. Student. Student._

"Okay," She said, "it's just... I've touched you before."

"And you shouldn't have," He said. _Please, don't ever stop. NO, "_ I... am not accustomed to being touched. You are my student. Do not grow attached to me," _Please don't go. NO._

"Honestly, it's a bit late for that, Professor," She said, a single tear falling down her cheek, "I had assumed we were... friends."

He stared at her, thinking hard. _Push. Pull. Push. Pull. Almond. Shea. Fucking fuck, "_ We are."

Her eyes snapped up, "I don't understand."

"We are, but we shouldn't be. We can't be. It's improper. I won't ruin your reputation. I won't take advantage of you. I won't put you in a compromising situation."

"Isn't every meeting a compromising situation? I have to lie to my friends. They know I couldn't possibly get this many detentions."

"Then we can work something else out if this is putting you in a corner. I won't have you sneaking around and lying to people. That's unfair to you. You deserve better," His voice was low. Defeated. _I'm sorry, Hermione._

"That's not what I was after," She shook her head.

"But it is what you said. You are valuable and deserve to be treated as such. I won't add the stress and anxiety of lying to people, of sneaking around," He wasn't looking at her.

"I..."

"Go, Hermione." _Please don't go. I'm so sorry._

"But what of our arrangement?"

"I will work something else out. If it is not possible, we will communicate privately as we have practiced," He nodded.

"I didn't... I wasn't asking for this."

"Go," He said, and turned away from her. _I'm so sorry._


	13. Chapter 13

He didn't hear her leave. Instead, he heard slow, deliberate footsteps behind him. He crossed his arms and hunched over trying to disappear into himself. He felt her small hand on his right elbow. She tried to pull at him, to turn him around. _Hermione, no. No. Please._ The tears fell harder. He resisted her tug.

She didn't leave. She wouldn't leave. Her arms snaked around him under his folded arms. He held his breath. Trying to contain himself. _I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't..._

"I won't go. We're friends. I can't go. I don't... I don't care what other people think. You've done nothing improper. You've done nothing against my will. I told you that first night that you weren't alone anymore, and l will say it as many times as it takes for you to believe it..." She squeezed tighter. He could feel her cheek pressed against his back.

He pushed back slightly against her, just barely, craving contact, but he was unwilling to release the desperation for human contact that he's kept locked up since he was a child. _Stop. Stop. Get it together. She's a student._

She was talking to him. He hadn't realized it, but he heard her voice now. It was soft and steady, "It doesn't matter to me what other people think. I used to care a great deal what other people thought. I don't anymore. I can't really anymore. I used to get picked on in school. I was too weird or too smart or too ugly," _Never,_ "and it hurt. It really did. When I came here, things seemed to be the same. Ron and Harry accept me. I accept them. I accept you." _Hermione._

He shivered, "I think you think you're not a good Secret Keeper to me. I think you are. You protect me and take care of me in your own way. You nag me to eat, even if that means having food brought to your office. You give me sleeping aids so that I can actually rest," She paused to squeeze him even tighter when she felt his sobs racking inside him.

"I think you are a great Secret Keeper. You don't force things out of me. Honestly, I'm not much good at talking about things. I was an only child. My parents are great parents, but I was always a fairly independent child. I didn't have many people to talk to, and my parents worked a lot. My things seem insignificant compared to yours. Perhaps I can do better for you so that you feel as appreciated and valued as I do," She whispered against him. _Hermione._

"I'll talk to you more. As long as you don't think it's stupid or a waste of your time. Maybe it will be something frustrating Ginny said, or a headache I have. I just... I'm sorry for making you feel so alone in this," She said, and he could practically feel her emotions through his skin, "You're trying so hard for me, and I should meet you halfway. I've been focusing so hard on letting you have a friend that I've forgotten to let you be a friend."

"I'm sorry," He said between ragged breaths.

"You have nothing to apologize for," She assured him.

"Your... Your days are important to me. I do not think anything you say is trivial. I would hope that we would be rooted in more than an impending war. I want to have you feel as safe as you make me feel. If you have a headache, and that's what you talk to me about, that's acceptable. I imagine it's probably difficult to wrap your mind around if you judge off of the first six years of you knowing me, but I am not bothered by you at all. Your conversations are never a waste of time. I can't take that you're sneaking around and that you're having to lie to your friends. I will think of something else, Hermione," He turned his head and glanced at her over his shoulder.

"It's stressful, I'll admit." _I'm sorry._

"It feels dirty to me. You deserve better," He said.

She pulled off of him and stepped back two steps. He raked his fingers through his jet black hair. He turned sideways and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

Suddenly, his left arm began to burn, "Fuck!" He hissed.

"Oh, no," Her slender fingered hand covered her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Hermione. I have to go," He grimaced as the burning intensified. The Dark Lord was impatient, "I'm sorry."

"Do you want me to wait?" A few tears trailed down her cheeks.

"No," He shook his head hard, "Go back to your dormitory. I will contact you to let you I have returned when I am back," He said. The shields in his eyes dropped like a curtain over him.

"You promise?" She stared at him, "That you'll tell me when you're back."

"I promise, Hermione," He said.

She stepped back, looked at him for a moment longer, and then turned. As she wiped her face, she heard him. He followed her a minute later and turned the opposite direction. Less than a minute later, the familiar snap of apparition.

 _I'll be back, Hermione._ He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince - Hermione or himself...


	14. Chapter 14

When he arrived, it wasn't a meeting after all. It was private.

"Severus," He heard the voice before he saw the creature.

"Yes, my Lord?"

"Can you enlighten me as to why Draco Malfoy's attempts on Dumbledore's life seem as if he doesn't have his heart completely invested?" Voldemort didn't turn to face him,"A cursed necklace?"

"My Lord," Snape swallowed, "The boy is stubborn to the point of foolishness. The inherited arrogance has certainly become even less flattering and difficult to negotiate."

Voldemort turned on him quickly and advanced to him. Snape flinched, but forced himself to not step backward, "I gave you a task, Severus."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Then why isn't it done yet?" He hissed and moved in on Severus until he was less than an inch from Snape's face. _Fuck._

"He hides from me, my Lord. He will tell me nothing. Someone has taught him shield his mind - for at least long enough to expel an intruder. I believe that he is using the Room of Requirement."

Voldemort narrowed his eyes, "The Room of Requirement?"

"Yes. I am not sure, however, what for as of yet," Snape drawled, "Part of its appeal probably lies in the simple fact that he cannot be found whilst in the room."

Voldemort studied Snape's face, and Severus steeled himself for an assault on his mind. Voldemort's entrance was rough. Snape's mind was well-trained to show only what he wanted it to show, and Voldemort moved quickly through several memories of Snape confronting Draco about his task, asking to aid him in it, Draco refusing Snape, Snape scouring the castle to find the boy.

As brutally as he had entered Severus' mind, Voldemort pulled out of it even harder. Snape's eyes closed briefly as he regained his footing, "I assure you, my Lord, Draco is trying. His skills are growing. He is preparing and he is determined. I am afraid that he just needs time."

"I am growing restless, Severus," The Dark Lord glared at him.

"Yes, my Lord," Snape nodded.

"I suppose I must be merciful on young Draco. He is only just a boy. You, however, my faithful spy," Voldemort paused for dramatic effect. _Fuck,_ "This will hurt me than it hurts you."

White. That is the color one sees when under the influence of the Cruciatus Curse. Severus collapsed to the floor and, upon being unable to catch himself, promptly slammed his head onto the wooden floor he had stood on. Under no circumstances has Snape cried out during these experiences. Voldemort, being as psychotic and mentally unstable as he is, found it to be a great compliment - Snape knew it would end, he trusted his master. Meanwhile, hundreds of razor blades seemingly sliced over every inch of his skin. This seemed particularly long-lasting.

When Voldemort finally released him, Snape pushed himself up off of the floor.

"You will do well to escalate this process," Voldemort looked at him, and after Snape bowed his head, he said, "You may go."

Severus, not needing to be told twice, immediately apparated back to the castle. He did fear briefly the possibility of splinching himself. _Ridiculous. I have been in far worse condition and somehow managed to drag myself back._ The tiredness began to consume him.

As he stumbled through the barrier, he felt his legs cramping. He fell to his knees in the snow that signified the upcoming change from November to December. He fell onto his side and then rolled onto his back. The cold snow felt good on his still-reeling nerves.

He closed his eyes. _Hermione._

 **Professor?** Her mental voice was exasperated.

 _Gate._ He winced from the effort of communicating. His eyes closed. He wanted her there with him, needed her there with him. The effects were already fading, and he knew they never lasted long. The haze demanding sleep encircled his mind.

Prolonged exposure to the curse causes palpable mental trauma, of course. The physicality of the curse, however, is brief after the release of the spell.

During the curse, all pain receptors fire at full blast, and, while it takes perhaps an hour, the physical side effects dissipate. The exhaustion, however, is most crippling and would often leave its victims beside themselves, almost as out of it as if they were suffering from a dangerously high fever.

She was by his side much faster than he had anticipated. Dropping to her knees beside him, she reached for his hand, "Professor, what happened?" She tucked her feet under her and sat back on her heels to look over his entire body. She did not see any obvious wounds.

He turned his head to face her with tired eyes, but didn't pull his hand away, "The Cruciatus Curse."

Tears filled her eyes, "I am so sorry."

"Shhh," He brought a finger to his lips in a gesture so unlike Severus Snape that she, for a moment, questioned if this man truly was Snape. The gesture seemed so childlike and innocent. _Hermione._

"Is there anything to help?"

"Sleep," He mumbled. Exhaustion. He's probably delirious from exhaustion. _Hermione._

"Okay, Professor," She said, "Can you stand?"

"Mmm. Shh," He whispered and turned onto his side. He slid his head onto her lap. She held her breath. This moment was so uncharacteristic, so trusting, but her heart lurched.

 _Almond. Shea. Hermione. Hermione._

He didn't move and, in fact, appeared to be falling entirely asleep. She placed her free hand on his hair and brushed it away from his face. She stroked his hair a few more times. Not truly greasy at all. Perhaps Potions had not done wonders for his hair. Something wet and warm drew her attention to her hand.

"Blood?" She peeked at the back of his head, "Accio Dittany!" Grabbing the bottle out of the air, she turned his head so she could see the wound better. It was a small, but typical crack on the skull.

"This will sting, Professor," When she put several drops into his hair, he did not react. She waved her wand and the area became clean and blood free.

She put her hand back on the side of his head gently, "Professor, we need to get you inside. It's freezing out here," Her teeth began to chatter.

He groaned in the way a teenager would at being woken up early, but pulled himself off of her. She helped him stand and he leaned on her with his arm around her slender shoulders. His head was hung slightly and he didn't speak. _Hermione._

When they reached the castle doors, he pushed himself off of her. He must have surprised even himself with the act because he stumbled. If Professor Snape were to get drunk, she imagined this to be a likely outcome.

"No one is awake, Professor. We won't be seen. It's well after one in the morning," His eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. He looked so unbelievably tired.

"In that case," He mumbled and it came out so jumbled she hardly understood it, but he slung his arm unceremoniously around her shoulders again.

When they reached his classroom, she felt the wards recognize him and allow them entry, "Where are your sleeping quarters?"

He pointed lazily to a door under his office. She felt the wards again, stronger this time, but the door opened. He stumbled next to her moving between the fireplace and familiar couch, tripped on a single step between the sitting room and the dining room, and pulled her toward the left. He kicked the door open with a grunt, pulled off of her, and flopped down on the bed in a heap.

"Do you need anything?" She asked, allowing herself a glance around the room. She could hardly see much of anything in the actual bedroom because it was so dark.

"Tell the duffer," He was mumbling again, but a little more clearly. She snorted at his slang, which seemed so beneath the Snape she knew, "Tell the duffer we need to move faster," He sighed, but heard her gasp. _I'm sorry, Hermione._

"Okay, Professor," She nodded.

"Youuu should go," He slurred, "You don't want to be caught in your teacher's bedroom. It would be quite the scandal," His voice was light and humorous in a way she hadn't before heard it. She heard the small laugh from the dark figure on the bed.

She giggled and rolled her eyes, "Yes, of course, Professor," and moved away toward the door. Despite his outward demeanor, he was truly a gentleman and had her best interests and reputation at heart.

"Severus," Came a nearly incoherent whisper.

"What?" She glanced over at him once more.

"My name. It's Severus," And his breathing was heavy and even. He was asleep.

She chuckled, "Definitely delirious."


	15. Chapter 15

"Severus?" A voice came from outside his bedroom.

He stirred and went to sit up, "Bloody hell," He groaned as he cramped up all over his body.

He slowly stood and opened his bedroom door. He winced as his eyes adjusted. Dumbledore. _This man will never give me a single moment's peace._

"What do you want, Dumbledore?" His voice was gruff with sleep.

"Well, I suppose if you feel less than conversational, perhaps you would rather me speak with your errand girl?"

His eyes snapped up to meet the blue eyes and narrowed, "Errand girl?"

"Surely, you remember your evening, Severus?"

He glared as he struggled to piece together the night before... Cruciatus. The Dark Lord. Impatience. Hermione. Snow. Hermione. Hermione. Hermione. 'My name. It's Severus.' _God, no. What have I done? I'm so sorry, Hermione. So inappropriate. I'm so sorry._

"Bloody hell," He wiped his hand over his face.

"I concur, Severus," Dumbledore looked at him with a look of mild disgust.

"I didn't do anything to your Gryffindor princess, Albus," He seethed, "I am quite tired of the accusations. I have done nothing untoward to any student, unless you count my general disposition. I have pursued neither student nor former student. Ever. Leave me be," Snape gestured toward the door.

"You know of the bond between Secret Keepers?" Snape's mouth twitched, "It is different between each pair. You have made each other Secret Keepers. The bond is that much more intimate and strong. It is, probably, inevitable that you should grow to care for one another. This is a consequence you chose for her, Severus," Dumbledore's gaze never left him and Severus flinched, "In acting so selfishly, you took away every other opportunity for her. All for a friend?" His head shook.

"You mean that I took every BETTER opportunity for her, yes?" He was vulnerable and tired, "I'm aware of the strength of this type of bond and how it may or may not influence one's feelings. If you are insinuating that I am acting inappropriately toward a student, relieve me of my post," He growled, "Let me remind you that Hermione Granger is not some ignorant little school girl. She is neither stupid nor oblivious and she does what she wants how and when she wants to do it," He said.

"I am aware that Miss Granger is a force to be reckoned with," He nodded and held up a hand.

"I suggest, if you have suspicions, you should go ask her," He said, "But if you do, Rest In Peace, Headmaster," Snape's black eyes burned.

Dumbledore appeared unphased, "What time frame would you estimate Voldemort has given Draco?"

Snape shrugged, "He is restless and impatient, but not to the point of dire urgency. I would estimate that early spring would be the longest we could stretch this."

"Harry has made little process with Horace," Dumbledore said wistfully.

Snape sneered, "Potter is not as charming to most people as you seem to find him."

"Tut tut, Severus, your prejudice is showing," Dumbledore peered at him.

"At least I can hide mine," Snape's eyes were dark and shielded.

"Horace will come around, I am sure. I have an inkling as to what was really said in that memory, but I am sincerely hoping I am wrong," Dumbledore's face looked troubled, which made Severus' stomach turn.

"What do you suspect?" Snape's voice was quiet.

"Horcruxes, Severus. Horcruxes."

 _Fuck. No. Fuck,_ "The ring?"

"And Tom Riddle's diary," Dumbledore said.

 _Fuck,_ "How do we combat... that?" Severus, in that moment, felt more defeated than he had in his entire life.

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it, if we come to it," His voice was shaky, "Severus, keep this secret from your Secret Keeper."

Snape flinched. Whether it was because he couldn't stand the idea of not telling Hermione or because he couldn't stand the idea of telling her, he couldn't be sure, "She wouldn't tell you if I did."

"All the same, Severus," Dumbledore left him alone.

After a long, moment, Severus concentrated. He felt her permitting hum.

 _Forgive me, Hermione._

 **Good morning to you, too, Professor Snape.**

 _Forgive me, please._

 **Whatever for?**

 _My inappropriate behavior last night. I meant absolutely no offense, I assure you._

 **Oh, please, Professor. You were quite unwell, feverish, post-Cruciatus, and suffering from extreme exhaustion. Besides, even in all of that, you were and are a perfect gentleman.**

 _Forgive me, Hermione. Please._ His resolve was crumbling. _I have never in 15 years made any sort of advance on any student or former student. I understand how uncomfortable I may have made you. I'll do anything to fix this. I am so sorry._

 **Professor, stop! It's okay. We're okay. You did nothing that crossed any boundaries.** Her focused lapsed and he sensed the connection wavering. **Besides it wasn't exactly unpleasant...** the connection faded as she got lost in thought and was blissfully unaware that he had heard that last bit.

As his heart raced, Severus considered the Dark Lord and Dumbledore, and decided that Hermione Granger was now the greatest threat to him. _I am so unbelievably fucked._


	16. Chapter 16

Nearing the holiday break, Severus scanned the Great Hall. His eyes settled, as usual, on Hermione, and then narrowed in concern. Only Potter sat next to her. Not Weasley. Potter was leaned in closely _(too closely)_ to Hermione and he seemed to be having a very private conversation with her. He looked up and down the Gryffindor table, but didn't see the red-headed menace. _Was she with Weasley romantically and he hadn't known? Had they broken up?_

She wiped her eyes and he could see her nose was red. His stomach boiled in defensiveness. Potter put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her tightly to him, and she stood. He grabbed her hand quickly _(Potters...)_ and let go. Hermione walked out of the hall with her arms crossed tightly across her stomach and her head down.

 _Wait. Wait. Wait. If she needs you, she'll let you know._

 _No._

His worry got the better of him and he walked quickly out of the hall, robes billowing behind him. Focusing on Hermione, he reached out.

 _Hermione?_

 **It's not a good time, sir.**

 _You are upset. Do you want to talk?_

 **I'm not sure.**

 _You can talk to me._

 **Okay. I'm out by the lake.**

He walked out to find her. It was snowing heavily. He cast a warming charm himself and a water repelling charm on his boots.

"Hermione," He whispered, "What's bothering you?"

She wiped her eyes and shrugged. _Oh, Hermione._ His heart ached to see her upset, "It's nothing," She shrugged again.

"Obviously," He said sarcastically.

"It's... Stupid."

"I doubt something stupid upset you so," He looked at her, then back to the frozen lake.

"It's Ron."

 _Weasley. I knew it,_ "What happened?" He tried to swallow his anger.

"He... This is so stupid, Professor Snape. It's... awkward."

He shifted his eyes away, "If you don't feel comfortable talking to me, you don't have to." _I'll never be able to be close to her. It just won't happen._

"Ronald was trying to... pursue a relationship with me. I wasn't interested. He overheard Ginny talking with me and we were talking about how I..." She swallowed and shifted nervously, "I kissed Victor Krum."

 _Bastard._ "What did that have to do with Weasley?"

"He got angry. Jealous, I guess. He won't speak to me. Harry has tried to help us, but Ron won't entertain it. Now, he's dating Lavendar Brown and he keeps snogging her in front of me. It doesn't bother me in the sense that I'm not jealous, but it's just..." She trailed off.

"It's inappropriate. Disrespectful to your friendship."

She nodded, "It feels as if it was either date or we can't be friends. I don't understand."

 _Arsehole. Can't handle rejection,_ "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"Thank you. For listening."

"I hope you know that love is love, regardless of returned affections. When you love someone, you love them. Whether or not they love you also is irrelevant. If your feelings are contingent on them feeling the same, it isn't love," He said softly. _I would know._

"Thank you. I was supposed to go to the Weasley's for the holidays. My parents are traveling. I think I'll just stay here."

 _Spend it with me. Please. I haven't spent any holiday with anyone in decades,_ "I'll be here."

She looked up at him and searched his face, "You're sure? What about your propriety?"

His jaw twitched, "Yes. I'm sorry. I should not have said it." _Damn it. Why did I do that? I've messed it all up. Everything. Inappropriate._

"I'm only joking," She said and pushed her shoulder into his arm, causing him to sway just a bit, "I'd love to spend the holidays with you." _Love?_

"That would be nice," He agreed. _So nice._

"Do you decorate? Or have you already?"

"Do I seem like the kind of person who decorates for holidays?" She giggled, "Besides, I haven't spent a holiday with one single person in decades."

"What? Really?" Her eyes widened and she frowned.

"Indeed," He said.

"I'm sorry, Professor," Her voice was quiet and her face pensive.

"It's quite alright, Hermione," He said, "I'm not exactly fond of people, and people are not exactly fond of me." Despite himself, he bristled slightly.

"Well, I am," She said. _She's going to kill me. I swear it._ His heart thumped in his chest.

"That's all that matters," He said as one corner of his mouth turned upward.

"We can decorate your quarters. If you don't mind," She suggested, "I quite like decorating for Christmas."

"If that would make you happy," He said.

"Yes, I think it would," She smiled up at him.

Snowflakes covered her hair and sweatshirt. Before he could stop himself, he reached out and tucked a loose wave back behind her ear. When he realized what he had done, he froze and met her eyes. _Honey_. _Flecks of gold_. She was still smiling. _She likes this?_ He returned her smile. His thumb brushed the corner of her jaw lightly. _No._

He jumped back, "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"What's wrong, sir?"

"Please don't call me that," He said.

"What would you prefer I call you?"

"My name," He avoided the honey eyes.

"Okay, Severus," The sound of his name on her lips caused him visibly shiver.

"We can't do... This. Whatever this is," He gestured between them, "It's not appropriate. I shouldn't."

"Perhaps," She shrugged, "I understand. I don't want to make you uncomfortable?" _Me?_

"It's not me that I worry about. You have an unblemished reputation. You have a very bright future. You do not need anything dragging you down," His voice was quiet.

She shook her head, "Don't, Severus," She stared into his eyes and he felt drawn to her like a moth to a flame.

He cleared his throat, and stepped back, "Do you feel better?" He changed the subject. _I can't pursue this._

"Yes, much," She said.

"For what it is worth, I do think Weasley will come around."

She smiled, "I'll see you at breakfast in the morning," He said. She nodded, a flicker of sadness in her eyes. _I'm sorry. I will only bring you sadness._ He turned and walked back to the castle, brushing snow off of his cloak.

 _I'm sorry. How I wish..._


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you to all of my reviewers and readers! You are all so amazing and kind. I love hearing your ideas to use as inspiration, and then putting my own spin on them. Also, I do sleep... Sometimes!

Hermione spent much of the first part of the holiday break preparing for her next semster's classes as did he. He felt tense and uncertain. Much of him felt that he should forbid any affection between them. He would be, in all likelihood, be dead soon. He had never expected to make it out of the war. She deserved someone whose days were not numbered. At least so definitely numbered. _But I want her to be with me._ He shook his head in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose.

One knock came from his door and he looked up to see the person walking into his classroom.

"Minerva," He said, "I was not expecting you." He rose from behind his desk. He leaned back against the front of his desk and crossed his arms.

"Were you expecting someone else?" She raised an eyebrow, "Miss Granger, perhaps?"

 _Fuck. How the fuck?_ He swallowed, "Minerva..."

"Albus told me," _That fucking bastard._

"I..." He looked down at the floor. The rivalry between the two Heads of Houses was real, but, for the most part, quite friendly outside of House points and Quidditch matches. Minerva had always advocated and stood up for Severus.

"I'm not here to yell at you, Severus," His head was hung low, "I'm here to talk. Sit," She pointed to his desk seat and pulled a desk up across from him. He obeyed like a small child.

"Have you thought this through, Severus? You are a very intelligent man. I don't think you would enter into this sort of... agreement without thinking it all through," She looked at him. There was no judgment on her face.

He stared back at her. His eyes became unfocused, "Yes. I have."

"Why did you choose her? Why didn't you choose somebody else? What about me, Severus?"

"It wasn't meant to be a slight to you, Minerva," His voice was deep, low, like thunder in the distance, "You must know that. She is... She will be with Potter, no matter where he is. She will stay with him until the very end. That is the most important thing. She is brave, trustworthy, and perceptive," He didn't look at her.

"I know, Severus," Minerva said. He slowly pulled his eyes back into focus and met her greyish blue eyes.

"I haven't done anything to her...or... with her. I assure you," He said, his eyes imploring her to believe in him.

"I know," Her voice was quiet, "I'm not here to forbid or condone anything. You are a grown man, Severus. You are incredibly intelligent and capable of making your own choices. I have supported you, and will always support you. I will keep you safe, at whatever cost. I will never assume the worst of you. I see your loneliness," She wiped a tear from her eye, "and it breaks my heart, Severus. You've never deserved all of this. Your sins are long forgiven."

He looked at the desk, "I know that you are on my side. I... Have to do something very bad, Minerva. Please. Do not hate me," His lips trembled. _Please. Please. Please._ Tears stung in his dark eyes.

"I could never hate you, Severus. Some day, when this is all over, we will talk, and everything will be plain," She assured him.

He nodded. She spoke again, "I saw you both. Yesterday. By the lake."

 _Fuck._ His heart began to race, "It wasn't what you think," He started. _I'm so sorry._

"Severus, stop," she held up a hand, "I saw you, and I... truly, at first, I was angry, and shocked. I approached Dumbledore and asked if he had any information as to why you would be close to her at all. He was too forthcoming. Then, I was worried for your reputation at this school as a teacher, and I worried for her. The line you walk in this war is very dangerous, but I remembered what I saw when I watched you both. I saw you... The real you, more so than I've ever seen you. I saw your hesitation, your desire to protect her. I saw your heart for the first time in so long," She stopped, "You deserve that."

His eyes moved away from hers and back to his desk. It had been many years since Minerva had seen him cry. _Please, don't do this to me._

"Severus..." She said quietly, "Please, look at me," He obeyed, "I think you deserve to be happy. The Headmaster does not think you need anyone as we move closer to face-to-face war, as we move into a world growing darker and darker by the day. I disagree. You deserve this. Whatever may come of it. I trust you. You have always acted with the utmost integrity...when it counted," She smirked. _Cheeky cat._

"I... Thank you," His voice was rough and full of emotion.

"I worry for you. For her, too. But, I recognize the necessity of this," She looked off over his shoulder. _Thank you._

"Yes. I worry for her, too," He said, "I fear... I fear her attachment to me will only destroy her. I... I won't make it through this war, Minerva. I know it in my heart," He choked on the words and looked down again.

"Severus Snape, you are already in the deep end. You better do everything and more to make sure your arse makes it through this. If you don't, I will resurrect you only to kill you again myself," Her tone was light, but laced with seriousness.

He nodded, "Okay. I will do my best..." He paused, "Nobody intends for me to live. Not Dumbledore. Not the Dark Lord. I am... expendable."

"I intend for you to live. So does Hermione. In fact, we need you to live," She said firmly, "You are not expendable to me. You are not expendable to Hermione." _Thank you. Thank you._

"I... Okay," He accepted her assurance.

"I should go. I have several Gryffindors staying for the holidays. I must make sure they are not blowing up the castle," She said, and he smirked slightly.

When she reached the door, she turned back to him, "Severus?"

He looked up at her.

"Be good to her. Take care of her. Protect her," Minerva said as tears filled her eyes.

"Always," said Snape.

"Yes, or there will be hell to pay," She nodded and left him to his thoughts.

 _Always._


	18. Chapter 18

On Christmas Eve, as usual, he sat at the staff table for dinner. Fewer staff were present because most of them had families.

He felt Hermione's hum calling to him.

 **Hey.**

 _Hello, Hermione._

 **Can I come help you decorate after dinner?**

 _I'll pencil you in, Miss Granger._

 **Very funny, Professor Snape. Then again, you might prefer to decorate with Madam Hooch.** She glanced at him with an ornery smirk.

She had caught him in the middle of a drink and he choked in both surprise because of her joke and disgust at the thought. He coughed for about 30 seconds.

 _There are many things I would rather do than decorate for a holiday with Hooch. Chewing on broken glass would be one such thing._

 **After dinner then?**

 _Yes._

In his quarters, he shrugged off his robe undid the many buttons of his frock coat. He hung his robe and coat in his closet. An unfamiliar fluttering feeling raged in his stomach. _Butterflies? Really? I'm not a school boy._

He walked back to his sitting room and lit the fireplace. He could smell the scent of pine and balsam coming from the tree he had purchased this morning. He walked over to the record player on one of shelves of an another filled bookshelf. Glancing through his collection of records, he found his mother's favorite Christmas album. It was Frank Sinatra's album "A Jolly Christmas from Frank Sinatra." Sinatra had always been one of her favorites, and she had played this record at Christmas time often when Severus was young and his father was gone.

He started the record. _How pathetically cliche am I? The things I would do to make her happy..._ He spent the next several minutes pacing and his nerves flared even more.

She knocked and pushed the door open. She smiled, "Christmas music, Severus?"

He inclined his head, "Yes. I do not think one can properly decorate for Christmas without any supporting and appropriate background music."

She grinned at him. _Good Lord, she is... beautiful._ He caught his mouth hanging open slightly and promptly snapped it shut.

"You got a tree," She looked at it.

"Astute deduction," He raises his eyebrow and smiled smugly.

She huffed at him, "Do you have ornaments?"

"Yes, of course. I purchased them this morning when I picked out the tree."

"You didn't have to do all that," She looked at him seriously.

"Obviously, I did. You asked if you could decorate with me for Christmas. I accepted. I could not exactly make that happen with out the necessary items," He said.

She smiled again, "True enough." _That smile will undo me._

He moved two boxes of ornaments to the couch and opened him for her, "Here you are," He gestured to her.

"Oh, no, Severus. You are absolutely doing this with me," She said as she folded her arms and gave him her best impression of him.

He rolled his eyes," Yes, Miss Granger."

She took an ornament and handed it to him. She walked over to the tree. He stared at the back of her. _She wants to be here. She chose me over her family and her friends. She wants to be here._ He swallowed hard and moved toward the tree. When he was next to her he lifted his ornament and mirrored her actions, placing it on a branch. He pulled his hands away from the tree.

Without thinking, he began to roll up his crisp white sleeves, starting with the left. He looked into her eyes as he did, and her eyes snapped down to his arm. He stepped back, realizing what he had exposed and yanked his sleeve back down.

 _I'm so sorry. She will run from me now._ "I'm sorry, Hermione. I was... not thinking."

She didn't speak. _Please don't leave._ He swallowed nervously and looked away. She took a step toward him and grabbed his left hand. She flipped his hand over so his palm was facing up. His hands were shaking. Then, slowly, she began to roll up his sleeve. His whole body began to tremble and tears threatened to fall. When she had rolled the sleeve up to just below his elbow, she stared at the Dark Mark. He closed his eyes and turned his head toward the ceiling. _I've ruined it._

His eyes snapped open when he felt her thumb running over the hideous tattoo. He looked at her, but she wasn't looking at him. Instead, she was staring at his arm intently and thoughtfully, stroking the mark with her thumb. His breath hitched in his chest. His fingers began to flex nervously. _Say something._

She looked back to his face, "I knew that you had it. I've never seen one up close," She whispered.

"Good," He said in a breathy voice.

"This doesn't define you, Severus," He closed his eyes tightly, flexed his jaw, and tears fell from his eyes. Her thumb continued to caress the worst decision he ever made. _She is too good for me._

His breath hitched again, "Please, look at me, Severus."

Slowly, he opened his eyes. She smiled ever so slightly, "It's okay."

He shook his head and a small sob escaped. He looked at the Mark, "That... has never been okay."

"It doesn't matter what you chose to do then. It matters what you have chosen to do now," She stepped forward and enveloped him into a hug, sliding her arms under his and around his back. Her cheek pressed against his chest. _My God. Nothing has ever felt this good._

Slowly, so slowly, his arms moved around her to return her embrace. He was still shaking, and he turned his head down and pushed his nose into her hair. _Almond. Shea._

He didn't know how long they stood there, holding each other. The unspoken conversation between them gradually calmed him down as he cried silently against her hair as Sinatra's voice surrounded them.

Eventually, she pulled away and took a half step back, "Well?" She said and pointed to the ornaments.

He wiped his eyes, "Yes. Right. Of course." He rolled up his other sleeve.

They filled rest of the tree gradually with ornaments in relative silence. When she grabbed the sparkling star, she handed it to him.

"You can reach," She smiled.

He looked at the top of the tree, "Indeed, I can." He reached to attach the star to the top of the tree, when he felt her hand on the center of his back. He shivered and bowed his head. Exhaling slowly, he returned his attention to the tree. When he finished with it, he stepped back, and admired their work.

"It looks wonderful," She said as she stared at it.

He glanced at her profile. _Yes, you do._

She turned to face him. The tension between them was thick and palpable. He stepped toward her slowly, uncertainly. His hands found themselves settled on the sides of her face and neck, his fingers under her ears and his thumbs on her cheek bones. His eyes searched hers. _She wants this._

"I am a jealous man, Hermione," He whispered, "I am possessive, bitter, and on a downward spiral into the very pits of Hell in this war." _God, I want to kiss you._

"I don't care," She said softly.

"You are so young. You have so much ahead of you. So much more than I could ever hope to give you," He said.

"I don't care, and I don't believe you."

"I don't know that I will survive this war," He said and looked deeply into her eyes.

"You will. I won't let you die," She said firmly.

"Do you think that I can resist you, resist this, forever?" His eyes blazed.

"I hope not," She whispered.

"Hermione," He whimpered. _Please._

"Severus, please," The invitation was clear.

 _How can I deny you anything?_ He brought his head down to her as they closed their eyes slowly and he pressed his lips to hers lightly. _My God._ The kiss was soft, chaste, but did not lack any emotion. He opened his mouth slightly and closed them on her mouth again softly. Her hands touched his face gently.

He pulled back, agonizing at the movement away from her, and breathed slowly. Resting their foreheads together, his thumb moved back and forth lightly on her cheek. They stood there silently with their eyes closed.

 _I cannot lose you._


	19. Chapter 19

They stood in silence for another minute, foreheads and noses touching. He moved his hands down her arms and rested them in her waist. She shivered. She was so slender. He could feel her rib cage under his hands.

He pulled his head away from hers and looked at her. His cheeks flushed. She smiled at him. _Beautiful._

"How do we handle this outside of this room?"

He left go of her, and moved to the couch where he sat. He put his elbows on his knees and put his hands in his hair and leaned on them.

"We will have to hide this," He said. She sat next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. _I'm sorry._

"I figured as much," She sounded so sad.

He leaned back and looked at her carefully, "I am not ashamed of you, Hermione. I do not want to hide you, but it is much safer for you if we do," He frowned.

She nodded, "It's safer for you too."

He didn't respond. _Probably. But I do not really think I'm safe at all._

She put her hand on his back and scratched it lightly. Subconsciously, he arched into her nails and moaned. _Nobody has ever done this._

"Does that feel good?" She asked.

"Yes," He answered without hesitation.

She continued to scratch for several minutes and his breathing slowed considerably.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"I'm worried," He sighed.

"About?" She moved her hand away from him and turned her body to face him.

"I... I don't want you to be upset with me, but I..."

He steeled himself, "What is it?"

"Professor Slughorn is hosting a party for his top students after the holidays," She said and shifted nervously on the couch.l

"The Slug Club," He said. _I do not like where this is going._

"I... invited someone to go with me. A boy..."

 _Fuck no._

"Who?" He said. His voice grew cold and he seemed distant.

"Cormac McLaggen."

"What?" He snapped. _Oh, hell no._

She avoided eyes and picked at her fingernails, "I thought it would make Ron the most jealous," She shrugged.

"Why do you need to make Weasley jealous?" He growled.

She shook her head emphatically, "No. No, it's not like that at all, Severus. I promise you. I just... miss my friendship being whole. I just want things to go back to normal, and I figured if he saw me with him, or knew I was going to this party with him, it would make him realize that our friendship was worth more than how he's treating it," She folded her arms and her posture sank.

 _No. No fucking way that bumbling idiot is going to put his hands all over her._ He didn't respond to her.

After a minute or two of watching the darkness on his face, she asked, "Severus, do... do you want me to go back to my room?"

He looked at her, "No," He said firmly, "But I do not want you to go to that party either. At least not with him."

"I understand, but I can't just un-invite him. That's unbelievably rude."

"Yes, you can."

"Some people might be able to, but I can't. I'm sorry. I can't do that. Nobody deserves that."

"What do his feelings on the matter mean so much to you? Why do they matter more than my own?"

"Severus, please," She pleased.

"I do not want him near you."

"I can take care of myself," She snapped at him. Her voice was so cold that he physically shrunk.

His voice softened, "I apologize, Hermione. I am a jealous man."

"I know. I'm terribly sorry. When I asked him, we weren't... Together? I don't even know if that's what we are now," She said.

"I do not walk around kissing women," He sneered.

"Right. I'm sorry. I just..." She fumbled for words.

"I... I understand, Hermione. I hope that, for your sake, that Weasley will see the err of his ways," He said, "But he better keep his fucking hands off of you."

Her eyes went wide, "It isn't a date. Not really. At least not for me. It's just meant to be a statement."

"I wish that I could take you," He said quietly.

"So do I. Are you very mad at me?"

"I am frustrated at the situation. I do not want you to go. Mostly, I do not want you to go with him."

"Yeah..."

"I am not angry with you," He said finally. _I don't want to share you, even in theory._

"Okay. I'm really sorry, Severus," She sighed.

"Did you consider my feelings for you when you asked him?" He asked. There was a brokenness in his eyes that she couldn't miss.

"I did, but... you had told me that nothing could or would happen between us. You stayed away from me for the most part after that day by the lake," She said and scratched the back of her neck anxiously.

 _I fucked that up royally._

"Indeed. Did you think I would not consider us together after I had kissed you?"

"I wasn't sure, really. You are not exactly the easiest man to read, Severus. I didn't know what this meant. I didn't know if we were together, or if we were seeing how things go," She shrugged.

"I do not 'see how things go.' I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours. I do not do casual, Hermione."

"Okay. I like the sound of that," She smiled at him. _Mine._

He leaned over and kissed her again. The desire in the kiss was much more overwhelming for them both. His hands slid down her sides and rested on her hips.

He pushed her backward on the couch and crawled over her. He held up his body weight off of her and kissed her fiercely. Her hands rested on his ribs, nails digging in as she moaned under him. _Fuckkk, Hermione._ He moved from her mouth to her chin and jaw. When she reached for the first button under his chin, he grabbed her hand and pulled off of her.

"Oh, no, no, Miss Granger," He smiled deviously. His cheeks were flushed and his lips looked like they had been thoroughly kissed. _No. I will take care of her._

"What?"

"Despite how badly I want you, and believe me, I do, I will not do that," He shook his head and sat back on the couch.

She sat up, "Why not? Virtue?"

"Yes, Hermione," He said, "It may come as a surprise, but I am quite old fashioned for the most part."

"You'll wait until we're married?" _We're married?_

"No, not quite. At least until you are no longer a student at this school. Don't pout, Hermione," He said and touched her chin.

"I understand. In a way, I'm quite happy with that. It's... nice to hear that. Most of the boys I know just want one night stands."

"I am not a boy, Hermione," He said.

"No. That you are not."

"It's quite late," He said looking at the clock.

"Can I stay?"

"Oh, no, Hermione. While that is quite the offer, I believe Professor McGonagall would have my head on a platter."

Hermione's eyes went wide, "She knows?"

"Not exactly, but she suspects. Oh, relax, woman. She has no intention of judging us or keeping us apart," He huffed.

"If you're sure," She said uncertainly.

"Oh, I am. Unless I were to keep you here all night. Then, she would probably kill me before Dumbledore or the Dark Lord had a chance." _There is no way I can fight that Lionness. She will die for her cubs._

Hermione smiled nervously. He walked her to the door. Before she could open it, he grabbed her face and kissed her gently again. His kiss was so sweet.

He stared into her eyes. _My Hermione._

"Goodnight, Severus," She said.

He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers and dropped his hand away from her, "Goodnight, Hermione."

When the door closed, Severus released the breath he had been holding.

 _Lord have mercy on my soul._


	20. Chapter 20

On Christmas morning, Severus sat at his dining room table staring at a tiny black velvet box. He opened it and stared at the delicate ring inside it. _I know what this will look like._ He shook his head. The band was thin white gold, and was much sturdier than it appeared. In the middle of the ring was a tiny rose and in the center of the rose was a small emerald. The white gold rose petals stuck out off the emerald slightly and had a leaf on each side of the flower. The detail was incredible. Severus had spent weeks perfecting every detail and making sure that it would work. _It has to work. It has to. I have to keep her safe._

He looked at the band on his right ring finger. The brushed matte black Tungsten with a thin scarlet line running down the middle all the way around it. The scarlet was inlaid - slightly lower than the rest of the ring and he could feel the ridge of it - of her. He ran his thumb along the band. He wasn't used to wearing a ring. _It will work._ He tapped the ring with his thumb and it turned vanished. He closed his hand and felt the ring pressing into his other fingers and knew it was still there.

He flicked his wrist and red paper wrapped the box up neatly. Placing it under the tree, Snape sighed. He hadn't bought Christmas presents in many, many years.

When she knocked on his door, his heart started racing. She smiled at him, "Merry Christmas, Severus."

"Merry Christmas, Hermione," He smiled. She had three presents balanced in her hands. He walked to her slowly, leaned down, and kissed her lightly on her lips. She smiled at him, "Can I get these off of your hands for you?" He nodded toward the gifts.

"Yes, sure."

He put them on the couch in the middle of the bench. He floated his gifts for her over as well. She sat at one end and he at the other.

"Ladies first," He smiled and handed her a gift.

She smirked, "Chivalry isn't dead after all."

She unwrapped it. Under the paper was a miniature trunk. She raised her eyes to him curiously. He pointed his wand at it. In an instant, it grew until it fit perfectly on her lap, "Open it," He said.

She did. Inside were five large beautiful brand new books.

"I know it is not the most happy or wonderous gift in the world, but it is practical, and I am afraid probably quite necessary," He said quietly.

Two of the largest were about healing - plants, potions, spells, and charms. The other three were about protection - enchancements and charms.

"It's perfect, Severus," She beamed at it. The light in those honey eyes made his heart skip a beat.

"Alright, your turn," She said excitedly.

He picked a thin package. He unwrapped it and he gasped at what was inside. It was a picture of them by the lake in the snow. He watched himself in the photograph. He tucked her hair behind her ear and strokes her cheek with his thumb. She smiled up at him as he smiled down at her. He watched it replay several times over and his thumb caressed the frame. _Incredible magic._

When he looked back at her face, there were tears in his eyes, "How did you do this, Hermione?"

"I used a memory charm and captured the picture from that," She shrugged.

"It's beautiful..." He whispered. _It's perfect_. He shook himself out of his trance, "Okay. Your turn."

She grabbed the next present and unwrapped it. A miniature tent, "Is this an extendable tent?"

"Yes. In case you ever need it. It is fully stocked and furnished. It can shrink down to that size, so you can store it somewhere. When you need it, you just place it on the ground. It appears small only on the outside," He trailed off after realizing he had been rambling.

She smiled at him, "Thank you, Severus."

He nodded to her. She pushed the next two presents toward him, "They go together," She said.

He opened the first. It was a calf length black peacoat. It was thick and would be warm and had a hood. He felt the fabric, "Thank you, Hermione."

"It's for all your other snowy walks by the lake," She laughed.

"Indeed," He said as he opened the next present. It was a glass mason jar with a tiny blue flame flickering inside it. The jar had a small transparent engraving.

He narrowed his eyes and read the inscription.

"Fidelitas usque ad mortem," He drawled and his eyes widened and looked at her.

"It means..." She started.

He cut her off, "Fidelity until the death."

"Yes," She said.

"Hermione..." His voice was choked with emotion, "I... you...you cannot possibly know how much this means to me."

"Oh, I beg to differ. It means just as much to me," She said happily tapping him on his hand, "It will keep you warm, like the coat.

 _You're perfect._

She reached for the last present and he swallowed hard. His palms began to sweat. She looked at him and noticed the change in color in his face.

"Are you okay?" She has stopped unwrapping.

"Quite."

When she pulled the velvet box out of the paper, her mouth dropped open, "Severus... I..."

"Open it," He encouraged.

She did and gasped when she saw the ring, "Severus, I... what?"

"Hermione, I only kissed you for the first time last night. Even still, that took me months. I assure you that I am not proposing at the present time," He smiled nervously.

She looked back down at the ring, "It's beautiful. An emerald, Severus? Green? You had to go and put a little bit of you in it, didn't you?" She teased

"That is because it is me," His voice was low and serious.

"What do you mean?" Her brow furrowed.

"Put it on."

She did as he requested, and the ring molded itself perfectly to her finger.

"Hermione, look at me," He said.

She did. He moved his hands to the side of her face and stared deeply into her eyes. Immediately, the ring responded. She could sense affection, desire, and... love. Love was hidden, shielded away because it wasn't yet known to him. She knew instinctively that these were his emotions. They were powerful, and distinctly masculine.

"I... I don't understand," She said, "It's incredible, but what is it for?"

"The ring has been charmed to alert you of any strong emotions that I feel. Minor emotions, like frustration or annoyance, will not come through. Otherwise, you'd sense every emotion all day every day. That is not practical. The ring is designed to tell you the most important emotions in the most important situations. Fear. Danger. Hurt. Love. Pride. Success. Safety. Anything strong and important. Mine does the same, except I feel you," He finished.

"Yours?"

He tapped his thumb to his right ring finger and the band showed itself on his hand. She gasped again as she noticed the scarlet inlaid ring.

"Me?"

"Yes."

"You can feel me?" Her eyes were wide with wonder.

"I have not yet, but I imagine I will, yes. I spent a very long time enchanting these, so they better work."

"What about over long distances?" She said looking at the ring on her hand.

"Distance makes no difference. Probably the most important function of these rings is that, when needed, you can use the ring as a portkey to the other person," He said while studying his ring. _I have to protect you. I have to keep you safe._

"Really? How does that work?"

"Press your thumb to the ring. Pressure. Close your eyes," He instructed, "Can you feel it? You don't know how or why, but you know where I am. You see it in your mind."

"Yes."

"Good," He nodded.

She stared at the ring, "So, if something were to happen... You could find me?"

"Yes," He stared at her. His eyes were very focused.

"But...After...Dumbledore. Would you even be able to come to me?" She bit her lip nervously.

"Hermione, look at me," He said.

"I'm just scared. I'm sorry. I'm ruining your present," She swatted at the defiant tears on her cheeks.

"I will always come to you."

"What about your position?" _You are my life._

"I do not care. I will always come to you."

She looked at his face. She trusted his answer and nodded.

"I apologize that my gifts are all a bit... morbid."

"They aren't, Severus. They're practical. Useful. Helpful."

He shrugged. _You deserve so much more._

"This is you taking care of me," She held his hand.

He could feel the ring on her finger, "Make sure you tap your thumb to it twice. It is most wise to keep it hidden."

She tapped it twice and it disappeared from sight. Then, she leaned on his shoulder and stared at the fire. They sat comfortably in silence, but both could feel the mounting anxiety of the upcoming end of the school year.

 _I cannot lose you, Hermione._


	21. Chapter 21

The rest of the holiday break ended much too soon. They spent the new year together as they had every other day over the break between semesters. They read, laughed, cried, kissed, and sat together quietly.

The Friday evening after the first week of classes, Severus was in a rather foul mood. Hermione's party with Slughorn was about to begin. The original party date had been for December 20th, but had been moved back as Horace was in search of very rare potion ingredients and had received word that there were some available in India. _I wish it had been the 20th. Before I kissed her. Before she was mine._

He had seen McLaggen escorting her down the hallway as he went searching for Draco. McLaggen's hand rested on the small of her back. Even though she moved away from his hand, Severus had to turn down a different hallway so he could be sure did not confront the idiot boy. _Mine._

He had spent the day and evening ignoring her requests to gain access to his mind so she could speak to him. _Talk to your arm candy, girl._ It was petty, and he knew that, but he couldn't stand the idea she was there with someone else. _Fool. Even if I wanted to take her, I couldn't. What would I do? Have her show up with the Dungeon Bat?_ Anger and jealousy coursed through his veins and brought him to the darkest place he'd been in within himself since he had asked Hermione to keep his secrets.

Stopping in his tracks, Snape caught sight of a blur of white blonde hair. He made his way quickly down the corridor and caught Filch dragging Malfoy into Slughorn's party. _Damn it. She's in there with McCockface, and I need Malfoy and now he's in there too. Fucking hell. I suppose Potter is in there as well. Might as well deliver the old codger's message and make it completely unpleasant._

Snape gathered himself before entering the party. When he walked in, he walked in with all the confidence in the world. He was both intimidating and captivating and he radiated power. Every head turned toward him. He scanned the crowd. _Where is she?_ He caught sight of Potter behind a sheer curtain with the arm candy. _McLaggen._

He yanked open the curtain and McLaggen promptly bent over at the waist and vomited on Severus' shoes.

 _Oh, you must be joking. Fool! "_ You just bought yourself a month's detention, McLaggen," _He_ seethed. He caught Potter sneaking away from him out of the corner of his eye, "Not so quick, Potter."

Potter stopped, "Sir, I really think I should rejoin the party. My date..."

 _Bloody hell, "_ Can surely survive your absence for another minute or two. Besides, I only wish to convey a message."

"A message?"

"From Professor Dumbledore. He asked me to give you his best and hopes that you enjoyed your holiday. You see, he's been traveling," Snape said.

"Traveling where?"

 _I think not._ Snape turned and walked away. He saw Filch confronting Slughorn with Malfoy, who claimed he was gatecrashing the party.

"I'll escort him out," Snape sneered.

"Certainly. Professor," Draco's voice was snide. _Insolent brat._

On his way out, Hermione stepped out of the bathroom to his left. He met her gaze, and assessed her well-being. _She looks fine._ He looked her up and down once. Her pale pink dress on her porcelain skin caused a shiver to run up his spine. _God._ Looking back at her face, he saw a sadness there, a nervousness, as she chewed her cheek. He could feel her hum again. _No._

Then he shoved Draco out of the room quite forcefully. As they made their way away from the party, he quickly grabbed Draco and threw him into the wall. He pinned him there, towered over the scrawny boy, and put all his hatred for the night into that confrontation. Despite Snape's volatile mood, Malfoy rejected any offer for help.

Snape released his shirt collar and Malfoy practically ran from him. He stared at the wall for a moment before returning to his quarters. About an hour later, after persistent requests, he allowed Hermione access.

 **Severus, you've... been ignoring me.**

Yes.

 **Why?**

 _Jealousy. Pettiness._ At least he could admit it.

 **In a moment, I'm leaving this party. Can I come to you?**

 _If you must._ He broke the connection and scowled. The image of the younger boy's hand on her back replayed over and over in his mind and his stomach twisted and turned over inside of him.

He was standing behind his couch when she opened the door. He approached her in two long strides and his mouth descended on hers before she could even close the door entirely. He reached up and pushed it shut behind her, then picked her up and wrapped her legs around his waist and pinned her back to the door. Her arms went around his neck as she allowed him full access to her mouth.

His tongue found her jaw. He nibbled on it and then moved his teeth to her throat. She moaned and he could feel her throat vibrate on his mouth. His hands moved from her waist to the bare skin on her thighs. They traveled upward lightly, pushing barely under the fabric of the dress. _No. Stop._

He pulled away from her and set her down. She looked at him. At first, she was in a passionate haze, but her face quickly darkened and she reached out and shoved him away from her. He flinched. _Don't hit me._

"You're an arse, Severus Snape!" She yelled at him, "You ignored me all day and all evening. I was worried sick over you! How am I supposed to enjoy a party that I earned because I am one of the top students in the class when you're being childish and ignoring me!? You had me upset the entire day!"

His eyes went wide and he dropped them to the floor. Her words hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Then, I come here, angry and worried, and the first thing you do is snog me! Not that it wasn't enjoyable, but I think an apology is in order!" She spat.

 _Apology? "_ I did nothing, Granger. Nothing except shield myself from your day and your date," His voice was lethal.

"Excuse me? Just ten minutes ago you were saying your actions were petty and born out of jealousy."

"That does not mean I was wrong to feel them, or that I should apologize. You are the one who went to a party with another on your arm, hanging all over you," Venom again.

She glared at him, "Seriously, Severus?"

He sighed and the defensiveness and anger fell away from him, "No. You are right. I should not have treated you this way. I apologize for ruining your party."

Her eyes searched his face. He certainly would not make things easy on either of them, "I forgive you."

He dropped his chin a little lower and stared at the floor. She approached him and grabbed both of his hands in hers. His eyes found hers. There was a blazing fire behind his as he stared at her.

"We could snog, if you want," She giggled.

"No," His answer was quick and firm, "I cannot."

"What? Why? You just did!"

"I cannot. I cannot. I want you too badly, and I have spent an entire day wallowing in dark emotions. My self-control is wavering, and this is not how I'd like to do this," He said quietly. _I'm sorry. I want you so badly._

She nodded and sighed, "I'm going to go back to my dormitory." _Fuck._

"You are upset."

"Yes, Severus. I forgive you, but today was downright awful. Now, I wanted you to make me feel better, and you 'can't.'"

She dropped her hands away from his and his face begged her not to be angry. _Please, Hermione._

She turned on her heel and spun away from him. _No._ He grabbed her wrist tightly and pulled her back to him. His hands were on her hips and he pushed her against the back of the couch. The kiss was fierce and held within it anger, desire, jealousy, and darkness.

He tugged her right leg up around him and held it there firmly. He could not get close enough. A touch starved man, Severus devoured any skin he could. He moaned and pressed closer. His desire pressed against her heat. She moaned and ground against him to seek the contact she craved.

"Hermione, no," He shook his head and spoke softly, "I do not want to do this like this. After this sort of day. Please, do not be angry with me."

Her eyes were half-open, "I understand."

"You should go," He said.

"Yes. Probably," She said as he returned her to her feet.

"I am sorry, Hermione. The desire for you is not the problem. I am... quite broken," He sighed, "And there is a darkness in me that I try hard to escape from, but I am not always, or even usually, successful. I have no intention of ever mixing that and this," He gestured between them.

"You're not a bad man, Severus, but I will go," She said. She stood up on her toes to press her lips to his cheek.

He didn't turn to watch her leave. He clenched the back of the couch and hung his head. His body was hot all over and jealousy still raged in his veins while something else all together raged in his pants.

 _I need a shower. A very, very cold shower._


	22. Chapter 22

Toward the end of March, Severus' relationship with Hermione provided him a sense of calm he had never experienced in his life. He felt more secure within himself and his mental health than ever. Her friendship with Weasley had moved from the cold-shoulder to a moderate cordiality.

Severus was grading essays when a silver cat, McGonagall's patronus, burst into his room.

"Severus, we need you in the hospital wing immediately," Her voice came from the cat.

He rushed as quickly as possible to the hospital wing. He feared the worst - that Hermione was hurt, but he felt nothing from his ring. When he walked into the hospital wing, he saw Ronald Weasley asleep on a hospital bed. _Sleazy bastard._ Hermione was standing next to him. She met Severus' gaze.

 _Are you hurt?_

 **No. He was poisoned.**

His eyes snapped to Weasley. He noticed that he did look incredibly pale. His lips were chapped and he looked frail overall.

He listened briefly while Horace explained what had happened and how Potter had saved Weasley's life using a bezoar. Albus complimented Horace having taught the boy about using a bezoar. _Not that anyone cares, but that was me._ Severus rolled his eyes. Then, Horace disclosed that he had intended to give the bottle of poisoned mead the headmaster.

Snape's eyes moved slowly to the bottle that Dumbledore was sniffing. Albus passed it to Severus. He definitely smelled the poison. It was subtle, but still discernible.

 _Draco._

 **I thought he might be the culprit.**

 _The boy is frightened for his life, for the lives of his family. It has made him even more foolish than usual._

 **Apparently.**

Severus felt a push in his back as Lavendar Brown moved in front of him.

"Has he been asking for me? My Won-Won?" _Dear God. She is insufferable._ He stared at Hermione's face. Her expression was cold and annoyed.

"What're you doing here?" Lavendar spat at Hermione. _This should be interesting._

"I happen to be his friend, you daft bimbo!" She snarled. _Oh, my my. Such language._ He barely contained his smirk.

Then, Weasley began to mumble.

"Her...my... Hermione," He said from in his sleep. _What the bloody hell was that?_

Lavendar rushed from the room. He glared at Hermione as she held Ron's hand and spoke to him soothingly, telling him was okay and safe now and that he would recover. Potter sat next to her, mirroring her words.

 _Get your hand off him._

 **He's my friend! I care for him.**

 _That does not require touching._

 **He's ill! He nearly died!**

 _I still do not see how that necessitates holding his hand._

 **Leave, Severus. Just leave! Leave us alone. Leave me alone.**

His eyes went wide and his heart wrenched in his chest. He turned in an instant and fled the room. _Fucking Weasley! If she wants me gone, she'll get it._

He slipped the ring off and put it in his pocket. Snape left the grounds and apparated back to Spinner's End. He spent the rest of his weekend there brooding. _Leave? Fine._

When he returned to Hogwarts, he did not attempt to contact him, but she didn't make any attempt either. The separation made him feel ill, stole his ability to sleep, and made his chest hurt. He didn't even look at her during Defense class, but he very much doubted she had looked at him either.

That night, he was summoned. _Perfect end to a perfect fucking weekend._

"My Lord. It is good to see you," Snape said silkily.

"Yes, as always. It is good to see you, my faithful servant."

"What do you require of me, my Lord?" _Hopefully, nothing and this is just a friendly chat. Maybe we'll have tea._ Snape had grown incredibly bitter over the weekend.

"I am growing impatient, Severus. Draco Malfoy made another pathetic and feeble attempt on Dumbledore's life. I am growing weary of his weakness."

"Yes, my Lord. The boy has informed me, however, that he is working on mending the vanishing cabinet in the room of requirement. It takes time, my Lord. It is a difficult process, but Draco is making progress with it," Snape explained.

"That is, at least, some good news, Severus. Unfortunately, I am displeased. I am impatient, and I am tired of waiting for you to do something about his inaction. You are responsible for excelling this! I made a demand of you, Snape," Voldemort stared right into his soul, "Crucio!"

White. A thousand knives stabbed into him. Every inch of his body. _Good. Good. I feel nothing else._

When he was released and dismissed, he apparated back to the castle and, somehow, managed to find his way to the headmaster's office.

"Severus? You're injured!"

"Like you give a fuck. The Dark Lord is angry it's taking Draco so long to kill you. He must make moves on your life and quickly or it will be death of us both. If we die because he did nothing, I'll have been robbed of the pleasure of killing you," He sneered.

"Horace did tell Tom Riddle about Horcruxes," Dumbledore ignored his jabs.

Snape's eyes went wide, "No."

"He asked Horace if it would be possible to split his soul seven ways."

"SEVEN? THERE ARE SEVEN BLOODY HORCRUXES?!"

"I am not sure. We have found the diary, the ring, and I believe I have found another."

"Three. He asked about seven, Albus. Christ!" Snape turned and practically ran from the room.

On his way back to his quarters, the exhaustion and soreness from the curse washed over him like a monsoon.

Hermione was walking in the opposite direction in the same corridor. He did not look at her.

"Severus?" Her voice sounded so small.

"Professor Snape," He snapped.

She stared at him. Something flickered behind her eyes, but then it disappeared. _I don't care. I knew this would ruin me from the beginning._

"I'm really sorry that I said what I said to you the other day in the hospital wing. No matter how frustrated I was with you in that moment and no matter how misunderstood I felt, I wasn't justified in telling you to leave," She said quietly.

"Yes, well, it was said, wasn't it, Miss Granger?" He stepped toward her and towered over her small form.

She reached for his arm and he jerked away from her violently, "Don't. Touch. Me." His words were emphatic as his eyes scanned the corridor for any nosy student who might see them speaking. _How dare you?_

"Severus, please," She said and stepped closer to him

He grabbed her by her upper arm and pushed her into a classroom. He warded the room and leaned over her, "Do not ever compromise my position as a staff member at this school, Miss Granger. Don't you have a Weasley to fall all over?" He glowered at her.

"He's my friend, Severus!"

"You chose him over me. You told me to leave!"

"I've said I'm sorry!" She was frustrated.

"We cannot take back words once they have been spoken," He said and she looked up at him and saw the occuluded eyes and his emotional distance.

Something inside her snapped. It shouldn't be this difficult to work things out with him. "Yes, well, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?"

 _Fuck._ "Don't..." He stepped away from her. _Fuck that hurt,_ "Don't use that against me." His shields waned.

She looked at him closely. He had tremors. All over his body. He looked like he did when Voldemort had used...

"Severus, you're injured..." She said and stepped toward him. He stepped back.

"Why can't you forgive me?"

He looked at her, "Because it hurts! Because it fucking hurt to hear that! Because I can't sleep or eat or function without knowing we are okay and that you are mine!" His body shook harder and he looked like he was about to collapse.

"Severus," She said, "I am so sorry that I hurt you. I was hurt and I felt very misunderstood. I should never have said that to you."

He whined like a wounded animal and then was quiet for several minutes. She waited patiently. His mind turned over possible outcomes in this situation. _I don't want to lose you._

"I forgive you," He said in the midst of an exhale.

She walked to him quickly and hugged him tightly. He winced, but returned the hug with equal fervor. _Mine._

"I missed you so much, Severus," She whispered.

"I missed you too."

"I couldn't feel you. I couldn't feel your ring," She said softly.

"I took off my ring," His voice sounded quite remorseful.

"Put it back on," She didn't let go of him or look up at him, "You were summoned?"

"Yes."

"Cursed?"

"Yes."

"Because of Draco? Because of how long it's taking?"

"Yes."

"I'm so afraid to lose you," She said and the tears began to fall from her eyes.

 _As am I, Hermione._


	23. Chapter 23

She slipped out from under his arms, "Severus, can we talk?"

 _Oh, no._ "I do not have much experience in relationships, but I do know I should be anxious when that phrase is spoken..." His voice shook slightly.

"No, I just... I think that we need to talk about some things," Her eyes moved over his face and then to the floor, "Can we go to your rooms?"

He nodded apprehensively and walked escorted her there. Once there, he paced nervously.

"Severus, sit, please," She said.

 _Don't leave. Don't leave. Don't leave._

He sat. He searched her face for any sign of what this conversation would entail.

She spoke calmly, "I just think that we should... Well... I just... There are some things that don't make you happy and some things that don't make me happy. When I look at the whole picture, what we are facing, what we will go through, I want our relationship to be strong. If we aren't strong, if there are these negative aspects and these hostilities between us, we won't last. I understand that you are jealous. I understand that completely. I get jealous too - any time I see you talking freely to another female professor. I can't do that with you. I get jealous if another student that has your attention."

She paused and searched his face. He was listening, but his eyes were downcast, "Sometimes, your jealousy is scary. I know that we don't fight all that often, and that it's been months since we have, but I need to be able to have friends. I need you to trust me that I am faithful to you, that I won't leave you," She saw the tears building, "Because if these things keep happening, they'll poison our relationship and make it toxic. Instead of building each other up, we'll be tearing each other down. We shouldn't go days without speaking. We shouldn't say harsh things to each other. Yes, there will be spats here and there, but the jealous blow ups don't work for me. If you're honest with yourself, I think you'll find that it doesn't work for you either."

She waited to see if he would respond. He wiped a single tear off of his cheek, but didn't speak, "I know it bothers you that I am friends with Ron and with Harry, or that I am friends with other boys, but that's all they are - friends. I will speak with Ron and make our relationship status clear. He's an idiot, but he would never do something to me that I didn't want him to do, including pursue me. He is a good friend. You don't have to like my friends, but you have to respect that they are my friends. I know where your jealousy issues come from, where the possessiveness comes from, and I understand, but I need those things to change into something that's more productive and into something that never tears us apart. We have too many dark and hard things ahead of us. We need to lean on each other completely. We need to be safe within ourselves. Our relationship needs to be our best kept and safest secret. I know we don't fight often at all, and it probably sounds like I am saying that we do, but I just... I feel tense. I feel nervous about what's coming, and I want to be solid here, so we can make it through all of this."

He could feel her eyes on him. _She's right. She's always right. I'm already fucking this up and it hasn't even been half a year._

He sighed, "You are right. I am sorry, Hermione. I am quite flawed, but those two aspects are especially unflattering."

When he swallowed nervously, she encouraged him to speak.

"I know where the jealousy and possessiveness come from as well. As I have told you, I did not have a happy childhood. I had no model of a healthy relationship. I really had nothing that I could call my own, and I had only one friend, and then no friends. I was jealous and possessive of everything and everyone. With you, I... I finally have something that's my own. I do not mean to imply that I own you, but you are with me..." He fumbled for words, "I will work on these things for you, Hermione. I see the value in what you are saying. I am not much for words, but I do not want to put our relationship at risk needlessly." _I'll do anything for you. Anything._

She stared at him with wonder in her eyes. She had not expected him to be so self-aware and willing to work with her, "Thank you, Severus. That means... so much to me. I will be sure to set clear boundaries with my friends, okay?"

He nodded. _I just don't want to lose you,_ "Things will be most difficult in the near future and the difficulty will be, for the most part, outside of our control. We do not need to add to the challenges and situations we will face by not functioning well as a couple. I do not enjoy arguing. At least not with you."

"Thank you for understanding me."

He looked into her eyes, "I want the same things as you, Hermione. Truly."

She watched his face. He looked nervous and uncomfortable, so she moved on, "Do you have any updates on Draco's plan?"

Snape looked at her, grateful for the change in subject, "Do you know of vanishing cabinets?"

"Yes," She said.

"There is one in Borgin and Burke's, and there is also one in the room of requirement. Malfoy has been mending the passage and strengthening it. When he comes for Dumbledore, he will not be alone," Severus' voice was full of worry.

She stared at him and chewed her lip, "Do you know when he plans to..." She dropped her eyes away from him.

"No. It would depend upon when he finishes with the vanishing cabinets," His voice was quiet.

"Severus... I..." She said.

He searched her face.

"What happens after you..." She stopped again.

"We will flee the castle. Go to the Dark Lord. Report. After that, I am not certain," His voice was shaky, but thoughtful.

"When will I be able to come to see you after?" She was crying.

He swallowed hard, "I... am not certain. As... as quickly as I can arrange it, I suppose. We will be able to communicate," He tapped his temple with his forefinger twice and then to his ring.

"It's not the same as being able to hold you in my arms," She sighed.

 _I know. God, how I know._

"Then hold me now," He said quietly.

 _And don't ever let go._


	24. Chapter 24

Toward the middle of June, Severus was filled every day with a sense of dread. He struggled to eat. He had spent much of the precious previous weeks helping Hermione strengthen her healing abilities, practicing protective enchantments, and her knowledge of medicinal plants.

"I know that this seems gruesome, but I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that they will be necessary," He was somber, "I do not anticipate the three of you returning next school year."

"I know, Severus. I know. I have the same anxiety. We haven't discussed returning, but I believe you are right."

 _My poor girl. She is too young to know the horrors of war. I am too young to know the horrors of war._

Any spare second they had, they spent it together knowing that they would soon be apart for an undetermined length of time. His wards allowed her entrance at any time.

Several days later, very late at night, she came to him. She was shivering, clammy, and crying. He felt her sadness and fear pulsing from his ring.

"Hermione, what happened? Are you hurt? Are you sick?" He walked toward her and grabbed her hand.

She shook her head quickly, "I had a nightmare."

"What about?"

"You. Dying," The sobs came and wracked her entire body. He pulled her into his chest. _I am so sorry, Hermione. I'm so sorry._

"I am alive and well, my Hermione," He said softly.

She just clung to him for several minutes and cried into his pajama top. He held her tightly and buried his nose into her hair.

"I love you, Severus," She said.

He pushed her gently away from him and stared into her eyes, "What did you say?"

"I love you, Severus. I don't expect you to say it back." _Holy fuck._

His mouth hung open. He was quiet, but then pulled her to him and crushed his mouth to hers. His tongue instantly sought entrance and his hands squeezed her bum to him so that she was pressed right against the immediate hardness in his pants.

He ground her against him and she moaned into his mouth. He pushed her shirt up and felt the taut muscles of her stomach. His hand slid up further and cupped a breast. She reached down between them and gripped the length of him. He gasped. This was about as far as they had ever gone before he stopped them. He nipped at her jaw and her neck and moaned against her throat as he squeezed his hand on her.

"Tell me to stop," He growled. _Don't say stop, please don't say stop._

"Don't stop. Don't ever stop," She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her toward his bedroom and kicked the door open.

He laid her gently on the bed and pulled back to look at her in the soft light that came from the old lamp on his end table, "Hermione, I wanted to wait until you were not a student anymore."

She shook her head, "I won't be much longer," She whispered, "Please don't stop."

"You've never?" He kissed her ribs.

"No," She shivered.

"Nor have I," He murmured on her hip bone and she squirmed. He smiled at her, "Old-fashioned, you see."

"I cannot believe you've never done any of this before," She giggled.

"Oh, I did not say I was entirely innocent," Came the silky voice of the man who was untying the string of her pants.

"Nor did I," She smirked.

"Mmmmm," He growled and captured her lips once more. _Mine now._

He pulled her shirt off, then her pants, and sat back to admire the view. She pushed him over and straddled him and his raging hardness settled beneath her legs dying to be released from his briefs and out of his pajama pants. He groaned and wiggled for friction. _If she doesn't stop, I'll lose it here and now._

She slowly unbottoned each one of the buttons on his pajama top. He squirmed out of it completely and she dragged her nails down his chest.

"God, Hermione..." He moaned and his neck arched backward. He sat up and fumbled to undo her bra. After succeeding, he took one breast into his mouth and flicked his tongue over her nipple. Then, he moved to the other. _I have to be fair._

She pushed him back down on the bed and slid off of him, taking his pants and briefs with her. She wrapped her hand around his length.

His eyes squeezed shut tightly, "Fuck, Hermione!"

She released him and he watched her slide her panties down and step out of them. He flipped her quickly and trailed his fingers down... down... down...

"You're so fucking wet for me," He shivered and slipped a finger inside. _Goddddddd._

His thumb worked that sensitive nub while he pumped one finger, and then two, inside of her. She was so slick and all because of him. _Mine._

She reached for him and gripped him. She began to slide her hand up and down the length of him, and he twitched in her hand. His moans became louder as hers did.

He moved up her body, and poised himself at her entrance, "Are you on muggle or magical contraception?"

She shook her head and he murmured the incantation as he nibbled her collar bone, "Are you... ready?"

His eyes were nervous and she put her hands on his face, "Yes."

"You are sure about this? About me?" He looked so apprenhensive.

"I love you," She said and nodded.

He bit his lip and stared at her, but she interrupted his thoughts, "I know, Severus. When you're ready, you will say it."

He looked deeply into her eyes. _Say it, you fool. Say it. You have felt it for months! Don't fuck this up!_

His voice was a hoarse whisper, laced with desire and emotion, "I love you," and he slid into her fully.

She gasped, winced, and shut her eyes, "Relax," His velvet voice filled her ears. He held still inside of her, but returned his mouth to her neck and covered it in gentle kisses.

He moved his hand between them and touched her again, rubbing softy back and forth, "You tell me when I can move, Hermione," He continued kissing her throat, her jaw, her face.

She adjusted under him and he looked at her eyes, "Are you okay? We can absolutely stop."

She looked thoughtful, "No, I think it's okay now," She moved against him and he shuddered. _Mercy, girl._

He moved slowly, gently. His chest touching hers with every smooth thrust. He kissed her mouth and her nails ran down his back. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He leaned back to touch her again, moving with an end goal in mind.

His fingers were magic on her as he buried himself inside and worked them. Her moans came closer together, louder, more desperate. _Give me your release._

"Let go," His voice was thick with want and need.

And she did. _Beautiful._ She fell apart on his length, convulsing around him, and he pumped through her orgasm to his own. With a grunt, he emptied himself inside of her. When the initial wave passed, he looked at her face. _Beautiful. Perfect._

"I love you," She said.

He swallowed, then smiled, "I love you." The words were still so foreign on his tongue.

He rolled off of her and held her naked body against his own. His fingers trailed over her perfectly smooth skin. _I do not ever want to lose this._ He noticed she was sleeping. _She shouldn't stay here._ But he couldn't, and didn't, send her back to her dormitory. _I love you._


	25. Chapter 25

Severus hardly slept that night, but for different reasons than the usual thoughts that kept him up all night.

 _I can't believe this._

 _I can't believe she said she loved me._

 _I can't believe I said I loved her._

 _I can't believe I love anyone._

 _I can't believe she's here._

 _I can't believe she chose me._

He woke her around 4:30am, "Hermione, as much as I want you to stay in my bed forever, you should probably go back to your dormitory so nobody suspects you spent your evening in your professor's bed," He chuckled.

She only scooted closer to him, melding her body into his. She groaned in response, "Oh, someone's grumpy, and it isn't me!" He laughed a thick, rich laugh.

She pushed away from him and sat up on the edge of the bed and ran her fingers through her tangled mess of hair.

"Are you feeling okay, Hermione? Are you sore physically? I have things that can help you if you are," He moved to sit next to her.

She paused, "I am sore," and he went to move toward his cabinet. She grabbed his arm. He looked at her curiously, "But I quite like the reminder that you were inside me," Her smile was ornery and devious and beautiful.

 _I am in so much trouble here._ Blood rushed below his hips, "Unless you plan on killing an old man, you'd better get moving."

She stood and dressed completely. She walked to him and he put his hands on her hips. Standing on her tiptoes, she gave him a light kiss.

The happiness and afterglow faded as soon as he heard the door close behind her. _Minerva._ He glanced at the clock. _It's too early. She'll kill me._ He debated another minute, and then left his rooms.

He knocked loudly on the Gryffindor head's door several times. After a minute or so of shuffling noises on the other side of the door, it opened just barely.

"For the love of all things holy, Severus! Do you have any idea what time it is?!" She had a thick fleece robe pulled around her tightly, maroon pajama pants, and she was standing barefoot.

He looked at her, then at the door, "Yes."

"What the devil do you want at this hour!?"

"I need... someone to talk to."

She looked him over carefully. He was as casually dressed as she'd ever seen him. And by casually dressed, she meant he was completely in pajamas. Black pants and a gray long sleeve t-shirt. He had socks on and some form of slippers that made him look 20 years younger than he was.

She sighed, "Well, come in, then."

She made some tea and handed him a cup. He sat across from her in a living room chair on the other side of the fireplace.

"What's on your mind then, Severus?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

He opened his mouth and then shut it. He opened it again, "Hermione."

"Oh, my, Severus. What's happened?"

"Many things, Minerva," He said quietly. _So many things._

"You two are together then, I take it?" He wasn't looking her, "I'm not here to judge you, Severus. I know better than most how much of gentleman you can be when you want."

"Yes," He said and his lips barely moved, "I am quite tired of hurting. I am tired of feeling anxious."

"Is there a problem?"

"She is afraid."

"Of what? You?" She sounded surprised.

"She is afraid of the possibility that I will die in this war," His face was solemn.

Minerva's eyes dropped to the rug between them, "I am too, Severus." He looked at her and read her face and body language. _She's serious._

"I am afraid that I will die in this war," He choked up, fighting back the anxieties that threatened to rip him limb from limb.

She met his gaze, "Severus, we can work through anything. I will do anything to protect you, and to protect her. I know that you both will do the same for me."

He nodded once to assure her, "I am so afraid of losing what I have. I was never afraid to die... before her. In fact, I think I much preferred that I would die in this shit storm war."

"Severus, you must live because you deserve to live," Her voice shook.

"I..." He stopped, "I... I want to survive, but I do not know that it is possible."

"We can work together to make sure you make it out of this," She was desperate for him to have hope. _She will hate me when she finds out what I've done once I've done it._

"I want to live, Minerva. For the first time since I was 16-years-old, I want to live," He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"We will figure this out, Severus. You must take comfort in that."

"She is afraid of losing me. She...loves me," He couldn't help but to let several tears fall.

"Oh, Severus..."

"I never meant for this to happen, I swear it. I never meant for her to... love... me. I never wanted to have any sort of romantic relationship with a student, present or past."

"Severus, I'm not questioning your propriety."

He stopped. _I don't have to defend myself to her. She... trusts me. For now._

"Will you take care of her? If I can't... if I..."

"Shut up, Severus Snape. You will not die. I will not allow it," She snapped at him.

"Minerva, please!" He implored her to answer.

"No, Severus, dying is not a bloody option," She shook her head firmly.

He sighed. _At least she wants me to live. For now._

"Thank you... for listening," He said and stood. She stood and walked over to him. She pulled him into a motherly hug. He didn't return the hug entirely, but he didn't shove her into the next decade either.

"It's going to be okay, Severus," she rubbed his back briefly and let go of him, "I'm sure of it."

He nodded. He walked toward her door, but stopped. _Tell her. Tell her something. Give her some belief in you._

She had sat back down in the chair to finish her tea, "Severus?"

"Will... Do you trust me?"

"Yes, of course, boy," She waved her hand at him.

"Minerva... Will you always support me? Will you always believe in me?"

"Severus..." She was confused and concerned.

"When I do what must be done, what has been demanded of me, you must not doubt me. Please," His hands flexed, "I could not stand if I did not privately have your friendship. Aside from Hermione, you are the only one."

Her face creased with worry, "What must you do?"

"Something abominable. A crime against nature," He said and avoided her eyes, "All will not be as it appears. Please. Remember that. Remember the comfort you have just offered me. Remember that when it hurts the most."

She nodded.

He left.

 _Please remember that._


	26. Chapter 26

He wasnt in his room for more than 20 minutes before Minerva came into his quarters with Hermione.

Secerus turned and narrowed his eyes moving them back and forth between the two women. Hermione looked apprehensive and McGonagall just looked flat out angry.

Hermione spoke first, "Professor McGonagall wants me to tell her your task."

Snape raised his eyebrow. _No you don't, Minerva. You truly don't,_ "Does she now?"

McGonagall mirrored him and raised her eyebrow, "Yes, Severus. I very much do want to know."

"I'll admit that I had not expected this, though, when I think more on it, I probably should have," He touched his finger to his chin.

"I am tired of being kept in the dark. I am tired of agonizing over whatever it is you're going to have to do, and I'm tired of worrying about how whatever it is will destroy you. I have known you since you were a boy. You have done bad things, Severus Snape, but you have changed in ways I didn't think people could, and you deserve allies. In the plural," She nodded and pursed her lips.

His jaw flexed over and over. He was thinking deeply and so hard the women could practically hear the wheels and cogs in his head moving.

"Very well, Minerva. But rest assured, I sincerely think you will regret this. Ignorance is bliss, as they say," His voice was low and even.

"Hermione, you may tell her the task. Only things directly related to the task," He said without looking at Hermione. _I'm sorry._

"What? Why do I have to tell her?!" Hermione crossed her arms, "It's hard enough to know, let alone say." _I'm sorry._

"Try living it," He laughed darkly. _I am honestly not sure which woman is closer to killing me. Perhaps this is more dangerous to me than Dumbledore and Voldemort._

Minerva turned to Hermione, "He wants you to tell me because you are his Secret Keeper. If you tell me a secret he has confided in you under your vow to each other, I can tell no one else," She looked from Snape back to Hermione, "As much as Severus may like me, he does not trust me fully. He doesn't trust anyone fully. Except you. You can make sure it can't go anywhere else."

"Who told you I liked you?" Snape smirked, "Whatever person told you that must have been clinically insane," He mused.

"Severus, stop. This isn't a joke. It doesn't help to be funny," Hermione bit her lip.

Severus spoke up, "You might want to sit down, Minerva."

"I am perfectly fine where I am!" She insisted.

Severus muttered, "How Gryffindor of you."

Hermione pointed to the couch, "No. Honestly, you will want to sit."

Minerva looked at her. Concern grew on her face and she moved toward the couch. Hermione sat on the end opposite of her, much like he had with her when he told her, and Severus leaned against the wall near the fireplace.

Hermione opened her mouth, but Severus cut her off, "Only the task. Only things directly related to that," When he caught her glare, he added, "Please, Hermione."

"Okay... Professor... Severus has been ordered to kill the same person by both Dumbledore and Voldemort," She looked at Severus nervously. He nodded in assurance.

"Which person?" Minerva looked at her carefully.

"He... he has to kill Dumbledore," Hermione winced and Severus held his breath. _This is going to end quite badly._

"WHAT!?" She screamed, "THAT ARROGANT ANCIENT BASTARD HAS ORDERED YOU TO DO THAT?!"

"Well, yes, but he is already dying," Hermione answered for him.

"I don't care," Her voice was shrill.

"Voldemort ordered Draco to do it. Dumbledore knows this. He commanded Severus to do it, to save Draco's soul. Voldemort intends for Severus to do it in the end anyway, that is his command, because he doesn't think Draco can or will do it."

"What of Severus' soul?!"

Snape snorted and kicked at the carpet.

"Dumbledore will die anyway," Hermione looked at her lover.

"That does not matter! He asks too much!" She flew off the couch and headed toward the door.

 _Fuck,_ "Just where in the bloody hell are you going?" He growled.

"I need to have a chat with our blessed headmaster," She snapped.

Hermione and Severus chased after her. For her age, the woman could move fast.

"Minerva, please," Severus said quietly so as to not draw any attention despite the early hour. _Shit. Shit._

"Professor..." Hermione tried.

McGonagall heard none of it. She stalked ahead of them so quickly that the trailing two had to leap into the steps as they turned to go up to the headmaster's office.

"Fucking Gryffindors," Severus growled and Hermione elbowed him.

"Albus Dumbledore!" She screeched at him. He looked up from his desk. _What the devil is he doing up?_ Minerva slid her hands across his desk effectively throwing every single thing on it off onto the floor.

"Minerva?!"

"You are an arrogant, self-righteous old fool who would sacrifice your own flesh and blood to achieve your preferred end, wouldn't you? It's no real surprise you have Severus do all your dirty work for you! You'll have him killed in a second to get what you want!" She leaned over the desk until she was less than an inch from his face, "You are a coward. You are unworthy of the Gryffindor colors you wore so long ago."

"Technically, he did. Sacrifice his own flesh and blood," Snape added and Dumbledore looked at him with wide eyes, "Oh, yes, I knew. I have known for many years. I, unlike you, do not pride myself on flaunting people's sins in front of their faces to keep their loyalty."

"I am unsure how you found out about this," Dumbledore said as he looked back to McGonagall.

"Liar," Snape seethed, "You do know."

Dumbledore glared at Hermione, "I had so much hope for you, Miss Granger. This... relationship... will only lead to heartache and ruin for you."

Snape sneered, but Hermione grabbed his arm, "As long as it's far away from you, I don't give a fuck where it leads me." Snape sniggered and leaned back against the stone wall.

"You have disappointed me many times, Severus, but this... this is the worst. This is a monstrous betrayal."

"Oh, really, Albus?" Minerva's voice was scathing, "Says the person willing to sacrifice his soul. You're lucky the only thing he did was find a Secret Keeper. Had it been me, I would've skinned you," She peered down at him over her glasses.

"Minerva, listen," The old man started.

"No, I think I am done listening to you, Albus. I am very much done with you. Many years I have considered you family and have been honored to know you, but you ask too much."

"I am saving Draco Malfoy's soul."

"His is not worth more than Severus' soul," Minerva's voice was as cold as ice.

"To you, perhaps," Dumbledore said.

"What the fuck does that mean, Dumbledore?" Snape brushed Hermione as he stepped in front of her.

"This war was fated to be, but you... You were the catalyst," He said, "Even though it would have happened no matter what, you were the spark that lit this fire," Dumbledore said. He even had the gall to feign sympathy, "This is destiny."

Snape's wand was out and between Dumbledore's eyes in a flash. His chest heaved with breaths he tried to control. His magic crackled across his skin, his clothes, and his hair. Minerva stared smugly at Dumbledore while Severus' wand trembled in rage at the bridge of his nose. _You son of a bitch._

Hermione stepped up and touched his ribs under his raised arm, "Severus, no." _Hermione..._

"Listen to her, Severus. Isn't that why you picked her? So you could have someone else to follow?" Dumbledore was a cruel man. He had always been so. Everyone was beneath him. Everyone was expendable. Every person was a pawn, a peon. He could talk anyone into anything, and he could manage to befriend even the least friendly of people to achieve his goal. He was ruthless. If someone lost their value to him, he disposed of them as quickly as possible. _Fuck you. I'll do it now!_

"No, Professor. That isn't why he picked me, but you'll never even understand why he did, so I won't bother trying to explain it to you. It would be a waste of my time. He isn't a killer, despite what you've commanded him to do. You are not worth his anger. You are not worth much to anyone anymore, at least not in this room, except yourself. The world doesn't know you, the real you, but they will. Mark my words. You may wound him, but his soul is mine now. I won't let you have it. We're together" She put her fingers into Severus' and looked up at him, "You'll not take him from me." _Don't ever let go._

She pulled Severus away, back to the stairs, and McGonagall followed them. When they got to the bottom of the stairs, they stepped off and stood in silence and stared down the long corridor.

Minerva spoke, "I think I need a drink."

Severus looked at Hermione, and then the Gryffindor Head of House, "Yes."

 _A lot of drinks._


	27. Chapter 27

Not my words - don't sue me JK.

Severus looked up from the breakfast table and met the pale gray eyes of Draco Malfoy. He stared at him and then nodded. He was ready.

 _Fuck me._ He struggled to keep his composure. His heart began to race and his hands began to sweat.

 **Severus? What's wrong? I feel your worry.**

 _Tonight._

 **What do you mean?**

 _It's tonight, Hermione._

 **Dumbledore has asked Harry to meet him after dinner. He's taking him somewhere for the evening.**

Snape didn't respond. She watched as he got up from the table and walked out of the hall as he did every other day. He looked, to the average person, no different than any other day. But to her... she could see the flexed jaw, the trembling fingers...

"Ron, I'm going to go study, okay?" She tapped him on the arm and interrupted his conversation with Seamus briefly.

"Yeah, okay. That's a surprise," He smiled at her.

Hermione expected him to be in his rooms, so when she almost ran into him standing outside of the Great Hall, she jumped and squeaked.

He was standing in front of a window. His eyes were looking out the window, but they were unseeing. He was pale. The normally tense and upright posture of the man before her sagged and turned inward, like a puppy who had been kicked too many times.

 **Severus, let's go back to your room. There are too many people here.**

He looked at her sadly and then nodded. When he turned to move, Albus Dumbledore moved in front of him.

"Severus, we must speak. Now," His blue eyes penetrated Snape's. Hermione was about to snap at the old man when Albus' gaze moved to her. He looked ill and genuinely very sad. Perhaps he had learnt his lesson, "Miss Granger, please."

She shrugged. Severus did not speak, but instead merely followed his headmaster. Hermione was left standing there watching their retreating backs.

When Snape and Dumbledore reached his office, Dumbledore began to pace slowly. Severus did not look at his face, "Severus... There will come a time when Harry Potter must be told something, but you must wait until Voldemort is at his most vulnerable.

Snape didn't move, didn't even appear to breathe.

"On the night that Lily Potter," Snape flinched, "Gave her life to protect her only son, she protected Harry. The curse rebounded, struck Voldemort, and split his soul. That part of his soul latched itself onto the only living thing it could find... Harry himself."

"He... He is a horcrux himself?" Snape's voice cracked as his dark eyes looked up at Dumbledore. _No... no..._

"Yes," Came the strangled reply.

"So... So the boy must die?"

Dumbledore dropped his head, "Yes. And Voldemort must do it himself. That is essential, Severus."

Severus was numb. Completely and totally numb, "But I thought that... all these years... that we were protecting him for her. For Lily," His voice shook.

Dumbledore shook his head, "We have protected him because it was essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength," Dumbledore's eyes closed, "Meanwhile, the connection between them grows stronger, a parasitic growth: sometimes, I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will truly mean the end of Voldemort."

Snape sat in the chair across at the front of the desk. stared at the floor. He was horrified, "You have kept him alive so that he can die at the right moment?" _No. Surely, he wouldn't be that cruel. Not to Potter._

"Don't be shocked, Severus. How many men and women have you watched die?"

He swallowed, "Lately, only those whom I could not save. You have used me," Numbeness boiled to anger.

Dumbledore looked at him curiously, "Meaning?"

Snape hissed, "I have spied for you and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you. Everything was supposed to be to keep Lily Potter's son safe. Now, you tell me you've been raising him like a pig for slaughter," Bile rose in his throat.

Dumbledore clicked his tongue and his voice was surprisingly sympathetic, "But this is touching, Severus. Have you grown to care for the boy, after all?"

 _No. No. I have a debt. I have a debt. Lily... Her son..._

Snape shouted, "For him?! Expecto Patronum!"

The beautiful silver burst from the tip of his wand, galloped about the room, and soared out of the window.

Dumbledore watched the doe in awe, then turned back to Severus with tears filling his eyes, "After all this time?"

 _Always, "_ Always," Said Snape. _I owe her. I owe her family._

"Severus," Dumbledore said quietly, "I am afraid I have abused you badly over the years. Minerva has so many valid points..."

Snape cut him off, "Don't you dare, Albus. Don't you fucking dare. You don't get to get soft on your death bed."

He turned on his heel and walked toward the door.

Dumbledore's voice brushed against his ears, "I am sorry, Severus."

 _Fuck you._

The steps twisted and he stepped out into the corridor. His stomach twisted and turned as he walked as fast as he could to his quarters.

He slammed open the door. Hermione rose from the couch, "Severus?"

He waved her off and rushed to the bathroom. He vomited profusely for several minutes. He wretched until he thought his throat would bleed. His stomach felt as if it were turning inside out.

When he finished, he washed his mouth, and then he stepped out of the bathroom slowly. His eyes were on the floor, tears sliding down his face.

"Severus, what happened? What did he say? I've never seen you sick before..." Her voice was thick with fear and worry. He could not look at her.

 _How do I tell Hermione her best friend must die?_


	28. Chapter 28

"Hermione..." _I can't do this to her. I've already put so much on her..._

"Severus, what did he say?" Her lip was bleeding slightly from where she had chewed it.

 _I can't tell her this. I can't. Not now. Not yet. I can't. It will destroy her._

He glanced at the clock. _Shit, "_ It happens tonight. We have only maybe an hour or two for me to give you all the supplies I have that might be of value to you," He said.

"Severus, are you okay?"

"I am as okay as I can be. I want to focus on you. I want to help you as much as I can right now," He looked at her, "Please, Hermione."

She summoned the undetectably extended bag. He began pull potions from his store - Pepperup, Skele-gro, Veritaserum, Essence of Dittany, Antidote to Common Poisons, Bezoars, Antidote to Uncommon Poisons, Burn-Healing Paste, Calming Draught, Polyjuice, Revive, Star Grass Salve, Wound-Cleaning, Blood-Replenishing, Anti-Venin, and one labeled "Nagini."

He gave her multiples of most of them. He moved to the herbs and handed her several that would help to replenish their stock of potions should she find the need.

"Polyjuice, Severus?"

"I do not know what you will face, or what you will do. I am just being cautious. I won't... be with you. I must give you everything I can that might be helpful," He said softly.

"What about this one?" She held up the three vials labeled 'Nagini.'

"That is the Dark Lord's pet. He values her more than anything else, really. I have a sneaking suspicion there is more to that snake than we realize at the present time," He sighed, "That vial is the Anti-Venin for that damned snake. That venom is unlike any other I have ever seen. I made it for Arthur Weasley. There was little venom that I could work with, so I was only able to make four vials. That is one I hope you will never have to use. You must be careful, Hermione," He said.

 _Please, be careful. I don't want to leave you alone. I don't want to be without you in this._ He was facing away from her. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her forehead to his back.

"I'm scared," She whispered. Her body was shivering.

"I am too," He shuddered against her.

He turned and held her in his arms while he could. The sense of dread filled every cell of their bodies. He kissed her lightly, held her face, and rested his forehead against hers.

"I will not abandon you. If you have need of me, I will come. I do not care about circumstance or potential exposure of my role. You, and Potter I suppose, are my priorities," His voice was as serious as she'd ever heard it.

"I won't abandon you either, Severus," Tears trailed down her cheeks.

"You must be safe, Hermione. You must. I could not bear it if I lost you," The tears fell for him then as well.

"You have to survive, Severus. You must," She cried into his cloak.

They stayed that way, crying, holding each other. For a moment, it seemed like only they existed, that the outside world could not touch them here in this storeroom.

And then it did.

His left arm began to sting. He pulled his sleeve up a bit to see the red lines glowing. He looked at Hermione, "The Unbreakable Vow. I... must go."

"I'm coming with you," She said firmly.

"Like hell, Hermione," He grunted as he straightened out his frock coat and cloak.

She pulled out her wand, "I'll disillusion and silence myself. When it's done... when you're... leaving, you can cast the counter spell on me wordlessly."

 _She's too bright, "_ Hermione, I do not want you to see this... To see me... To..." He choked. _Please don't leave me alone._ He pulled her face to him, "I love you more than anything," He whispered.

"I love you," She breathed.

His arm stung. Harder. He hissed.

"I'm going, Severus," She said. With a flick of her wand, she disillusioned herself and silenced her body completely. She grabbed onto his arm tightly. He put his hand where hers would be, and left the room with her.

He walked quickly, as he usually did, and she had to jog to keep up with his long strides. They reached the astronomy tower quicker than either of them wanted to arrive.

 _I can't do this, Hermione._

 **You must, Severus. You will die if you don't, and you can't do that to me.**

She dropped her arm out of his and pushed him forward slightly. He walked toward the steps and looked under the platform. He stared for a moment.

 **What is it?**

 _Potter. Under his cloak. In a body bind. I am so sorry, Hermione. Someday, tell him I am sorry._

She didn't respond, but instead put her hand on the small of his back and guided him toward the steps.

He heard Bellatrix screaming, "Do it, now, Draco! Now!"

He saw Draco's arm tremble and the boy began to lower his wand, "No," Snape said with all the confidence he could muster. He stepped forward in front of Malfoy. Hermione's hand on his shoulder blade grounded him. He looked casually at Bellatrix, who grinned at him maniacally, and then to Dumbledore.

"Severus," Dumbledore pleaded. _But he's not begging for his life. He's begging for his death._

He felt Hermione's hand rubbing on him comfortingly.

"Severus, please," Dumbledore spoke again.

 _Fuck, "_ Avada Kedavra!" The deadly green light shot like lightning from the tip of his wand. It hit Dumbledore square in the chest. He stumbled back, died, and fell from the tower. _Fuck..._

 **Oh my god...**

He didn't respond and snapped his head to Bellatrix as she cast the Dark Mark into the sky above the castle.

He turned and pushed her toward the steps, unseen by the other Death Eaters. _Move._ She rushed down in front of him. _Don't follow me. Get Potter. It isn't safe for you with me._

 **I love you.** She was crying. She ducked around around the door to the astronomy tower.

 _I love you._ She reversed the charm and was fully visible now. Snape stuck his head back around the corner of the corridor, as if to check to see if someone was following them, flicked his wrist, and she could hear her breathing again. His eyes met hers briefly and then he was gone. She knew she had to turn back for Harry, make up some story about how she saw the Mark and was looking for him.

Snape led the Death Eaters through the castle. Bellatrix took a detour into the Great Hall where she promptly blew out all of the windows. _Fucking psycho._ Draco looked horrified. He was a strange greenish-grey. Snape grabbed him by his arm and pulled him along. They walked out of the castle and down toward Hagrid's hut where they would enter the Forbidden Forest and apparate to Malfoy Manor to the Dark Lord.

Bellatrix, being the sociopathic witch she was, lit Hagrid's home on fire. As it blazed, he heard a dog barking from inside. _Fang. No._

"SNAPE!!!" He knew that voice. _No. No. Potter, no!_

Snape turned to see him running and he was followed by Hermione, who was yelling for him to stop.

Harry cried out, "Crucio!"

Snape blocked it. Hermione screamed at Potter, pulled at his arm, "No Unforgivables from you, Potter!" He sneered, his eyes occuluded, "You haven't got the nerve or the ability."

"Fight back, you coward! Fight back!"

"Coward? Your blessed father wouldn't attack me unless it was four on one. What would you call him, then?"

"Incar - " Harry fried again.

Severus deflected his spell with ease, "Blocked again and again until you learn to keep your mouth shut and your mind closed, Potter!"

Snape turned away again, and Harry yelled in pain. He turned to see Potter seizing, "No!!" He screamed at Bellatrix, "He belongs to the Dark Lord!"

Bellatrix shrugged and skipped away. Snape stared at Harry's trembling body, then took several steps away from him.

"Snape!"

 _Fucking hell._ He turned. _Give it up, Potter, please. You're only making this worse._ Potter was a mere feet away from him. In the distance, he heard Hermione yelling, screaming at Potter to stop, to back down. He could see her running toward them.

"Sectum-"

Snape snapped his wand and Harry flew backward, slamming into the ground in front of Hermione. Potter's wand flew just out of reach.

 _You insolent little fool,_ "You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? Yes. I'm the Half-Blood Prince," **Severus, don't hurt him. Please!**

Hermione covered him with her arms, "Don't touch him!"

Harry lunged from under her toward his wand and Severus hexed it far from them. He stalked off toward the forest to rejoin the others.

 **I am so sorry, Severus. I'm so, so sorry.** Even her voice in his head sounded like it was crying.

He did not respond.

He could not respond.

Nobody would ever be as sorry as he was.


	29. Chapter 29

Within a minute, they stepped through the boundary around Hogwarts. Everyone around him disapparated. He stood for a minute and looked back to the castle. This is the first and only place he had ever felt was his home. The Dark Mark hovered over the ancient structure. He narrowed his eyes and saw a thin ray of white light pierce the Mark. A hole appeared in its place. There were more lights. The Mark was disappearing - torn apart by their magic, their hope, their goodness.

 _I don't want to leave._ His chest heaved. _Don't throw up, Snape. You'll never stop._ He held his breath, closed his eyes, and disapparated with a crack.

He stood at the gate of Malfoy Manor. He waved his wand and stepped through. As he walked up the steps, he was greeted by a round of applause, a standing ovation.

 _You sick pieces of shit..._

He smiled and a bitterness boiled inside of him that he could barely contain. The room went silent then.

"My most faithful servant," The Dark Lord spoke so smoothly he was almost singing, "Whatever took you so long to join us in our victory?"

"I was chased, my Lord, by Potter and his friend. I stayed back a moment to be sure I was not still being followed," He inclined his head.

"So vigilant, Severus. Which friend did he bring with him in a pathetic attempt to hunt you down?"

 _I shouldn't have said he had anyone with him. God, kill me. Just let me die._

"Granger," He drawled.

"The girl?" Voldemort hissed and Snape nodded.

"Ahh. You did not harm the boy, yes?"

"Of course I did not, my Lord." _Don't speak_ _more than necessary. You are weak, Snape, weak. Get it together. Hold it together._

"Thank you, Severus. I am sure it was most difficult for your comrades to obey such a command, which is why I had you lead them." _Contain the rabid beasts_ _, more like it._

"Thank you for your trust, my Lord," He smiled painfully.

"As for the girl, Severus, I will make sure you can have her in the end," Severus' eyes snapped to the slits in Voldemort's eyes, "She is your reward, Severus. She is yours to have, to do what you wish with, and then she is yours to dispose of."

Voldemort laughed in a way that made Severus' ears ring. His stomach flipped a hundred times in his belly. He swallowed vomit three times before he could speak.

"My Lord, I am undeserving of this reward."

"Oh, I disagree, Severus. It is the exact reward you would want in the end anyway. You, for some reason I cannot fathom, have a thing for mudbloods. I will reward you with one. You have earned it," The Dark Lord's sharp teeth flashed at Snape.

 _Dear God. No. No. No. Hermione. No._ The room began to spin.

He stayed for the party. He had to. He leaned against the wall nursing the same drink for hours. His mind was barricaded. He saw the Dark Lord approach out of the corner of his eye and steeled himself.

"Severus, I know that the curse you cast is your first time with it. Your position on my court has not been one that required murder. You look exhausted, my servant," Voldemort moved closer to him, "Walk with me for a moment, my boy, and I will allow you to rest. You will need to be at full strength for the days ahead."

Snape followed him blindly as they walked through the halls of Malfoy Manor, through the front door, and down the drive to the gate. _I can't. I can't. My chest feels like it's tearing in half. I'm..._

"I must give you your next task," Voldemort said in a low voice and Snape looked at him. _Not even three hours later..._

"I will make you the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. The Carrow siblings shall be under you, and you must keep a tight leash on them. They do not have the sense that you and I have. Any drop of magical blood spilled is a tremendous loss. The students must be relatively protected," He put a hand on Severus' shoulder, "You will lead the school."

Severus swallowed, "Yes, my Lord. It would be an honor."

"You may go, Severus. You must rest and rejuvenate your magic. You are no good to me drained."

Snape nodded. Voldemort waved his wand in front of the gate.

"It gets easier, Severus. Killing. It gets easier."

 _I fucking doubt it._ Snape nodded and disapparated.

He stood in front of a cottage on the very northern part of Scotland near the cliffs. It was the only place he stayed that nobody knew about. The cottage was stone, one floor. It looked as lonely as he felt. The inside held no inclination as to who owned the home. There was a couch, a fireplace, a kitchen, and one bed. The entire house was filled with exactly the bare minimum furnishing.

He stumbled through the house to the bathroom. Every ounce of guilt he attempted to expel from his body. He flushed the toilet for the third time and sat back against the bathroom wall next to the toilet. His ring was cold with her sadness. _Does she feel mine? Would she come? Could she come?_ He looked at the clock. 2am. _Is she alone? Where is she?_

 _Hermione?_

 **Severus, are you okay? My ring feels cold and it's making me nauseous.** She was still crying.

 _I need you._

 **I need you.**

He broke the connection and leaned back over the toilet. The dry heaving was the worst. His throat was raw, and he had not stopped crying since he stepped foot in the house. He could not control it. His physical reactions were involuntary. His whole body hurt. _This is what splitting your soul feels like? How in the hell did the Dark Lord do this so many times?_

She knocked. _Knocked? Shit._ He reached for his wand and he flicked it toward the door to allow her entrance in his wards. Nothing happened. Nothing. His wand was cold and unresponsive. He tucked his wand back into his pocket and stared at his hands. _It's gone. It's gone. After all of this, I'm going to be a God damned squib._ The effort it took for him to peel himself off his bathroom floor was tremendous, but when he heard her knock again, he mustered up the strength.

He pulled the door open and she crushed him in a hug. He hit the wall beside the door and slid down the wall holding her. She was crying instantly, sobbing into his chest. He cried into her hair, moaned, mumbled how it didn't want to do it, that he was sorry, that he didn't want to do this anymore...

"It's gone," He sobbed.

She pulled her head from his chest and looked at him, "What's gone?"

He moaned and banged the back of his head into the wall behind him, "My magic..." His voice was a strange whine she'd never heard before. _I'm a squib. It's done. It's gone. I'm finished. I'll dry up and die just like my magic._

"Severus..." Her voice quivered.

"It's gone, Hermione," His eyes were shut and he grimaced.

"Severus, it will come back. I read some accounts similar to this," She said, "When the trauma fades, when you are calmer, it will come back. It will," She touched his face.

His eyes stayed shut, "It will never fade. It never fades. I've lost it. I will be killed before I can even fuck up my position."

"Severus, please. Trust me." _I do._

"What if it doesn't?" He mumbled.

"It will." _I hope you are right. I cannot protect you without it._

He leaned his head onto hers and she cuddled into his shoulder, "What happened? After I... left?"

She talked slowly and quietly, "Harry was... distraught. Furious. When we made it back to the castle, all of the students and staff were gathered around his... body. Harry collapsed beside him. Professor McGonagall held me to her tightly, and she... She cast a light into the darkness of the Mark. We all did. It broke apart and faded into nothingness."

"I saw it. I stayed. I watched it," He said in a trance.

She didn't hesitate to keep distracting him, "Professor McGonagall ordered everyone back to their dormitories. She instructed us to pack. Said Hogwarts would be closing until further notice. She would arrange transportation home for us for the next day," Her voice was smooth despite her obvious emotional vulnerability.

"I slipped Harry and Ron Dreamless Sleep. They... Harry mostly... Needed it. And I needed to be able to get away from them. I didn't... I didn't know if you would be able to see me tonight," She finished.

"Nor did I," His voice was feeble.

"I cannot stay, Severus. They'll be awake early tomorrow, I imagine. I have... to be there for them, with them," She said.

"I... I know," He nodded, "He intends to make me headmaster." _Dear God, I can't._

"You-Know-Who?" She gasped.

"Yes," He sighed.

"I do not think we will be returning next term. We have not spoken formally, but I'm sure we will tomorrow. We need to... hunt the Horcruxes down and destroy them..."

 _Horcruxes. Potter. Horcruxes,_ "It is what we expected," He said and leaned his forehead against hers, "I do not think I can go back to that castle without you."

She squeezed his coat in her first, "We can manage this. We can get through this. Together."

 _I wish I shared your confidence._


	30. Chapter 30

They stayed there, holding each other against the wall, for what seemed like hours.

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"If your magic is gone, why could I hear your thoughts?" She looked at him.

He furrowed his brow, "I am uncertain. Perhaps because the connection is already formed."

She looked thoughtful, "Maybe, but whatever it is, it supports that I said your magic will come back. Our connection is magic."

"Perhaps it is past magic only. Magic that is already established," He shrugged.

"You must give yourself time," She stroked his fingers with her own.

"I fear I do not have a lot of that. Time, I mean." _Perhaps I only have days. Until the Dark Lord finds out I can no longer cast any more spells than a Squib, that I've become one._

"Don't talk that way, Severus. If we're going to get through this, you must think that you will live. You'll create a self-fulfilling prophecy otherwise," She huffed.

Her use of the word "prophecy" was deliberate. She was the only person in the entire world who could get away with playing cards that he held firmly in his hand like that. He merely glared at her, frowned, and said, "Fine."

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I was run over by a Hippogriff about six times, and I think my chest might split open," He said gruffly.

"That... That is your soul splitting?"

"I would imagine so, yes" He said. The tears filled his eyes once again. _I'm so tired of crying._

"Oh, Severus, I am so sorry," She touched his face again gently.

"I killed him, Hermione. I killed Albus Dumbledore. It does not matter that it was essentially assisted suicide. It does not matter that it was for the greater good. It does not matter that I saved a boy's soul at the expense of my own. I. Murdered. Him. I killed someone in front of you, in front of Lily's son," His voice was hoarse.

She just looked at him with those honey eyes. For awhile, she was quiet. He could see her intelligent mind working.

When she spoke, she turned his face toward hers so she could look directly into his eyes, "Severus, you took a life tonight in front of me. In front of Harry. You did something that will label you a pariah in our world for an indefinite period of time. These are facts. There are other facts as well that you seem to be prone to ignoring. You did not want to do this, you were forced to do this, you were guilted and shamed into doing this. You have agonized over this for an entire year. You have made yourself ill over it. The guilt you feel constantly has ruined your sleep, your appetite, your mental clarity. This is an awful situation, Severus. Truly. It's horrid. That self-serving man was my headmaster for six years of my life. I admired him, cared for him, respected him. He was that to so many of my peers, so many of my teachers. That isn't the total reality of him though, is it? No. It isn't. Dumbledore told me, years ago when I was struggling to make friends and when I was being treated with prejudice, that I mustn't pay attention to those who are unkind to me because of my blood status or any other reason. He said 'it is our choices that show who we truly are, far more than our abilities.' Their choices revealed their true selves. His revealed his true self. It is your choices, Severus. I see you. Everyone has made mistakes. It is what we do with those mistakes. It is your choices, my love."

He stared at her as if she were the only thing that existed in the entire world. _I love you. More than I have ever loved anything or anyone,_ "Thank you, Hermione."

She kissed his lips lightly. He pressed against her. The kiss was innocent, but desperate. Both of them knew and understood that it would progress no further than that kiss.

"What will you do as headmaster?"

"I will be expected to run a militant school. The Carrow siblings are my assistants. The Dark Lord has ordered me that I keep them in check. They like... discipline, for lack of a better term. I am to keep the students mostly protected and safe from them. The Dark Lord is mad, but he values magical blood. Needless slaughter of magical children that he could persuade to follow him would be a travesty," He fumbled with a piece of fuzz on his dark pants.

"I am sorry. That I won't be there."

"As much as I would selfishly like for you to be there, I believe it would be far more difficult for us to see each other. I have more privileges as headmaster. It will be challenging to see each other at all, but not as challenging as it would under all the watchful eyes at Hogwarts," He squeezed her to him. _I fear I can protect you at a distance far more than I can at Hogwarts._

"I agree," She said, "I don't know how we will work this out for us, but I trust you. Do you trust me?"

"With my life, Hermione," His answer was throaty.

"Do you believe in us?"

"I do," He nodded. _Mostly, I believe in you._

"I don't want to leave," Her bottom lip trembled.

"I do not want you to leave either," His nose brushed hers.

"I must."

"I know."

"How can I leave you?" Her voice wobbled.

"Physically. Never emotionally," He advised. _Please._

"Never emotionally. Never, my love."

He stood up and pulled her with him. He held her in his arms and breathed in the scent of her. _Almond. Shea._

"You are taking my heart with you, Hermione Granger," He kissed her, "Go."

He watched her walk out his door. He didn't know when he would see her again. The unknown variables made him nauseous all over again.

 _When or if?_


	31. Chapter 31

Severus slept terribly. Nightmares plagued every moment his body rested. They were violent, bloody, and terrifying. He pulled himself out of bed and to the shower. _Yes, contrary to popular opinion, I do shower. A great many would be shocked._ He stood in the shower and turned the water hotter, then hotter, then even hotter. His skin reddened under the temperature. He lathered his hair in shampoo - tea tree and mint. His soap bar was basically nonexistent - small, slippery.

When he finished, he dressed himself in his usual attire. _What do I do with my time? I am just waiting to be summoned... I must help in the search for the Horcruxes._

He pulled every text that had any information on The Dark Lord. He read for hours, without eating, without breaking concentration. He did not seem to find much useful information, but much of the writing centered around Tom Riddle's obsession with Hogwarts, of seizing control of the school. It stuck out because it was mentioned so many times. _There must be a Horcrux at Hogwarts. But where? And what?_ A lot of the texts also mentioned that it was The Dark Lord's intention to, after gaining control of the school, did the school of all houses other than Slytherin. There would be only one house. _Pleasant._

Suddenly, an idea dawned on him. The locket Dumbledore found with Potter was originally owned by Salazar Slytherin. The houses. There must be something with the houses. _Did each one have a Horcrux? They must. They must._

When he sat back in his chair, he rubbed his eyes. He looked at the clock. It was only dusk.

 **Severus?**

 _Hermione... How are you?_

 **I am as about as well as could be expected. How are you? Is there any progress with your magic?**

He hadn't tried. He pulled out his wand and pointed it at the candle in the center of the table, "Incendio."

The flame sputtered at the end of his wand pathetically and died before ever reaching the wick. _Dammit._ He pinched the bridge of his nose.

 _Weak. Essentially no progress._

 **Weak is better than none, Severus.**

 _Is it?_

 **Yes, you insufferable grump.**

 _You wound me, Miss Granger._

 **Severus... We aren't coming back to Hogwarts. Ron and I just spoke with Harry.**

 _Ah. Well. It is probably safer than returning._

 **I'm sorry.**

 _As am I, Hermione._

His left arm began to burn.

 _I am being summoned. I will alert you when I have arrived home safely._

 **I love you.**

 _And I, you._

His arrival at Malfoy Manor was quite quick. Usually, he had to navigate his way out of Hogwarts, but now he simply had to walk out of his front door. _The Malfoy's wards allow me entrance, and I can apparate. Why can't I use magic?_ When he walked toward the long table, Voldemort gestured to the seat next to him. _Bloody hell._

He sat and listened as Voldemort hissed to the table of Death Eaters, "Severus has proven his loyalty most exceptionally. From this moment hence, he is my second-in-command. Should anyone find themselves struggling with his position, you will answer directly to me. Should anyone have trouble obeying his commands, you will answer directly to me. He has done us a great service and eliminated our most formidable enemy." _Well. Fuck me._

Voldemort looked at Snape and gave him that animalistic snarl he passed off as a smile. Snape smirked and bowed his head, "It is an honor, my Lord."

Bellatrix glared at him. _If there is any pleasure to be had in this moment, it is in her jealousy of me. God, she is hideous and envy does no wonders for her._

Voldemort spoke of their victory, and how he planned to move forward, "We must move to the boy. We must find the most opportune moment to strike. He is under seventeen until the end of July, so he will be under protection beyond any of our skill until then," His face was stone, "Severus, you must find out what you can about the movements the Order of the Phoenix plans for the boy."

"Yes, my Lord."

"You still have plenty of contacts, my spy?"

"Indeed. If I happen to run out of contacts, I won't run out of methods to extract information," Snape's voice was dark and sinister. _Little does he know, I have a lover in the Order._

Voldemort inclined his head to Severus, "You are dismissed," He gestured to the table.

When he apparated back to his cottage, he saw a tabby cat sitting on his step looking at him intently.

"For Christ's sake! Get in!" He slammed the door open and watched the cat turn into the head of Gryffindor.

He slammed it shut, "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing!? You could have been seen!"

 _Minerva, Hermione? I do not require a babysitter._

 **Do your best not to call her that while she is standing in front of you. I take it you made it home safely?**

 _Indeed._

He glared at McGonagall. She was staring at him, her face sensitive, full of sorrow, and she was frowning, "Oh, Severus."

She pulled him into a hug that was as motherly as he had ever known. He breathed a sigh of relief at seeing a friend. She let go of him and put her hands on the sides of his face. When she turned away, she began to speak.

"I knew that it was coming. I knew that it was coming and it still did not soften the blow. It was every bit as horrid as I anticipated it would be. I cannot imagine your grief, my dear boy," Her eyes filled with tears.

He hung his head and moved to the couch. She sat opposite him. She spoke again, "How are you, Severus?"

"You must speak with Hermione, Minerva. She can tell you things I cannot. Otherwise, you are not safe," His lip quivered as he fought to stifle his emotions.

"I am a stronger occulumens than you give me credit for," She raised her eyebrows.

"Of that I have no doubt," He said seriously, "But you are in danger. Make no mistake. Do not underestimate the force you are up against. I am well-versed in the Dark Lord's torture techniques and mental violations. You, thankfully, are not."

"I just want to help you, Severus," Her voice was brittle.

"So you shall," He said, "My Secret Keeper has my best interests at heart. She has trusted you thus far. You will find out from her anything that your heart desires, my lioness counterpart."

"She was broken."

"Hermione?" _My heart._

"She was broken. Traumatized. Grieving. So many things pulling her in so many directions. Her love for you, her loyalty to you. Her love for Potter, her loyalty to him. Her childhood admiration and respect for Dumbledore. I have never heard a girl cry that way before, Severus."

He turned away from her and buried his face in his hands, "It is all my fault." _I have hurt her beyond repair._

"She loves you, that girl. If anyone can help her, it's you. If anyone can help you, it's her. If you have faith in anything, let it be that."

He accepted her words, "Thank you."

"I will leave you to your thoughts. Do not be so hard on yourself. You needed her as badly as she needed you."

He nodded. She bent down and kissed his cheek and left him alone. He heard the crack of her apparation. The house was silent. Totally. Completely. Silent.


	32. Chapter 32

"We will move first on Harry Potter's associates. We will cut them at the root and they will shrivel and die slowly," Voldemort smiled.

Snape kept his face blank, but his heart raced.

"The blood traitor Weasleys. Pick them off. One by one. Leave the friend. Ronald. Let him suffocate in his family's demise," His voice was colder than usual.

"As for the mudblood," Voldemort looked to Severus, "She is, as I promised, yours to play with, Severus. Her family, however, is ours. She is, as I understand it, an only child, correct?" Snape nodded. _Fuck. No. No. No. No. Hermione,_ "Well then, we will just have to start with the extended family," He smiled.

 _Hermione!_

 **What's wrong? Why do you sound panicked?**

 _You must move your family. You must relocate them. You must wipe their memories of you. Please. Now. Don't ask questions. Please go now. Now!_

When she didn't respond, he released the breath he had been holding the tiniest bit. Her silence meant she was acting on his words.

"I give you these people as toys, my friends. Tomorrow, you go and play," He waved his hands.

He moved even more quickly than normal beyond the gate of the mansion. Snape touched his ring, felt her location. She's home. He apparated.

 _I'm here. Outside. In the garden._

She let him in quietly through a patio door at the back of the house. The television was on in the other room and was turned up quite loudly. He could hear her parents engaged in a casual conversation. She held his hand and guided him up the stairs to her room. He silenced the room as soon as the wooden door shut behind him.

Immediately, his hands were holding her face. He was crying. She was crying, "I am so sorry, Hermione. I am so, so sorry."

"Why, Severus? Why must I do this? They're really the only family I have got," She cried into his chest.

"The Dark Lord has commanded we hunt down your family, Weasley's family, to kill them off slowly, to hurt you, to have you drown in the despair," He said into her hair. _I am so sorry._

"Why!" She pushed him in his chest back into the door, and her hands made tiny fists. She pounded on his chest without real force or malicious intent.

He grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from his chest and squeezed her to him while she wept. She fell to the floor and he followed her. She sat between his legs, her face buried in his clothing, and he rocked her slowly, pulling her ever closer to him. His tears dripped down his nose.

 _I am so sorry, Hermione. You have never deserved any of this. I am so sorry._

Her sobs reduced to whimpers and sniffles.

"Do you want me to do it, Hermione?" He said softly. _I will carry this burden for you._

She shook her head, "No. They're my parents. It's my duty to take care of them."

He nodded in understanding, "When this is over, we can return their memories."

Her mouth fell open and the tears started falling again. _Fuck. What did I do?_

"What did I say? What have I done?" He panicked.

She composed herself, "Nothing. That's just... the first time you've talked as if you intend to survive."

He thought for a moment, "Yes. I suppose it is. I think I owe a certain insufferable know-it-all for that."

She smiled. It was the saddest smile he had ever seen, "I am sorry, Hermione."

She shrugged slightly and rubbed her arm, "You'll stay? Here? Until it's over?"

"Yes."

"And then where do I go?"

"The Burrow. You will be protected there. You must make sure all the Weasley's have adequate protection. The Dark Lord is after all of them."

She shivered, and he pulled her to him once more, "I'll be right here, Hermione," He assured her.

She hung her head. Slowly, she opened the door.

"Hermione? Tea's ready!" Came her mother's voice. The voice sounded like Hermione's, yet older and different in a way only a mother's could be. _I wonder what hers will sound like._ He caught himself. _What the hell? No. Not the time nor place._

He looked around her bedroom. It looked as if she were still 11. _She spends so little time here. Probably never felt the need to change it._ There were pictures of her as a child, younger than he ever knew her, and some when he did know her. His heart was heavy for her.

As he stared at one of the pictures, it began to fade. The room around him faded. The bed spread changed to white. All the toys, artwork... It all faded away. All of her. It was gone. The realization hit him. She had done it. His chest hurt.

 _Oh, Hermione._


	33. Chapter 33

He heard the front door open and close. A car started. He watched out of the window as it backed up out of the driveway and moved down the road.

 _Oh, Hermione..._

He walked downstairs, through the kitchen, into the sitting room. She was sitting in the middle of the floor with her knees pulled to her chest. Her head was resting on her knees as she cried. He sat behind her and pulled her into his lap. Severus stroked her skin, kissed her hair, and kept her close. He held her until she couldn't cry anymore. _I'm so sorry._

She cried herself to sleep in his arms. He reveled in the feel of her, how she allowed him to comfort her. _This world is so cruel and you have deserved none of it._ He snuggled into her and then stood, picking her up in his arms. _She is not eating._ He frowned and laid her carefully down onto the couch.

He picked up her legs, sat on the couch, and put her legs across his lap. He stared at her. Truly stared at her in a way nobody could do to someone else when the other person was awake. She was beautiful. Her skin was porcelain, freckles splattered all over her face, a nose that curved upward ever so slightly at the tip. Her hair. Well, she had certainly grown into her hair. It was wavy, full, and thick. She was thin, thinner than she should be. _I am so sorry, Hermione._

Roughly an hour passed. He reached over and stroked her hair. _If we survive this, Hermione, I swear we will never spend a single day or night apart. You will, without a shadow of a doubt, make an honest man of me. If we survive this, I will love you more every day until the end of my days. Until the very end._

She stirred and rolled over to her back, "Severus? You stayed?"

Her eyes were puffy and red, "Yes, Hermione. I could not bear to leave you."

She moved over to his lap again and moved her head under his neck. She could hear his heart beating. It was slow. Steady. The stubble on his cheek brushed the top of her forehead. She giggled.

"Mmm?" His voice rumbled against her ear.

"I've never seen you with stubble," She said and put her palm on his face and stroked it gently.

"I apologize for my sloppiness, Miss Granger."

"Who said I didn't like it?" The sadness in her eyes was still so apparent. He brushed his nose against hers. _My sweet girl._

She moved up to him and kissed him. Her lips were slightly salty from her tears. She sought his tongue. He obliged, ever conscious of her fragile emotional state and their location. _God, I love you, woman._

He deepened the kiss for a moment and then slowed it back down, "Hermione, you are not safe here."

"This is my house."

"Yes, and you are 17. You do not own this home. You were only safe here while your parents were here under the protection of their home ownership. As they no longer live here..."

She sighed, "It's just another thing that I lose..."

"I am sorry," He said softly, "But you must go to the Burrow."

"Can't I go to your cottage?"

He looked at her curiously, "As much as I would love for you to be there every day, do you not think it is better for you to be with your friends considering the road ahead of all of you?" _What's wrong?_

"They can wait... Severus..."

"What is it, Hermione?" He searched her face.

"I...want to feel better. I want to feel something besides sad," She looked at him, "I want you."

Blood rushed south and he suddenly felt very warm; "Well, I suppose that can be arranged," His smile was sly.

He pulled her from couch and out into the garden. He held her as they apparated back to his home. Her hand was in his as they stepped into his house.

He turned to her as he warded the door, "Are you sure? You're upset and vulnerable. I do not wish to disrespect your emotional state," His voice was a hoarse whisper.

"I want you," She pulled his face to hers.

She pushed him backward and he tripped over the arm of his couch and landed on the cushions flat on his back. Straddling him, she began to unbotton his top. He rubbed her thighs as she worked his buttons and ground up against her. She moaned and he moved upward and pushed off the couch.

"Where are we going?"

"Hermione, I am too old to fuck on a couch," His voice was even more seductive.

"That's vanilla," She crinkled her nose at him and he stopped moving them.

"Excuse me?" He arched his eyebrow, "Would you prefer the shower? The kitchen table? Over the back of the couch?" _Yes._

She shivered and looked up at him biting her lip in mild embarrassment and then she pulled him back toward the couch.

"An interesting choice, my dear." He put his hands on her waist and pressed her against the back of the couch. He devoured her neck. She moaned and squirmed under him, his stubble stimulating her sensitive skin even more. Severus put his hand between her legs and rubbed. He could feel the warmth and wetness through her jeans and he growled. She smiled and, wordlessly, they were entirely naked. _Fuckkkkk._

Her eyes were on fire and he turned her around and bent her over the couch. His hands ran down her back, "I don't know that I've ever told you, but you have a very nice ass, Hermione."

She shivered again. He felt her with his fingers, "So wet, my sweet."

She moaned, "Please." She looked at him over her shoulder.

He put a finger inside, pulled it out, and put the finger slowly inside his mouth. He sucked her finger thoroughly. _Delicious._ She whimpered while she watched. He smiled at her and pushed inside. He buried himself inside her. _So tight... warm... wet._

He pumped into her and he could feel her trembling on him. _Oh, yes, I will get your release like this._ He put a fist in that beautiful crazy hair and pulled her head back slightly so his eyes were on hers.

He found the spot that made her cry out hardest and he was relentless on it. _Mine._ Then, she started moving back against him. Skin popping against skin.

"Fuck, Hermione," He grunted. She was crying out louder. Faster.

It happened again. She fell apart all over him and he cried out with her, collapsing on her back and laying a thousand kisses on her shoulder.

"I love you," He said. _I love you. I love you. I love you._

"Can I stay, Severus?"

"Is it wise?"

"I don't care."

"Nor do I."

 _I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you._


	34. Chapter 34

He woke to the morning light peeking through his blinds. Hermione facing away from him and his left arm was under neck on the bed. He rolled over to her and kissed her arm, her shoulder, her back.

She mumbled in her sleep.

"You have spent many years in some form of education. One would think you could enunciate."

She slapped his roaming hand away playfully, "Can't all be you, can we? What, with all the foolish wand waving and silly incantations speeches? Or the turn to page 394 statements..." She laughed.

"I am glad you at least find yourself amusing," He rolled his eyes, but he couldn't contain his smile.

"Last night was... nice," She said.

"Nice? That's it? Nice? Well. I shall endeavor to improve should I be lucky enough to give it another go," He feigned heartbreak.

"That's not what I meant, you grouch!" She giggled again. _That sound is a symphony._

"I would be inclined to say that it was far more than nice. My experiences in sexual intercourse are quite limited - both in partners and number of times - but I think it would be a safe bet to say it was... magical," His voice was smooth, but still heavy with sleep.

She blushed, "Speaking of magic... Give it a go!" She handed him his wand from the nightstand.

His jaw twitched, "Lumos!" Immediately, his wand lit up, bright and strong

"See! I told you it would come back," She stared at the light grinning.

"Yes, yes, I told you so," He rolled his eyes. _I am not a squib. Dear God, I am not a squib,_ "I'll admit I am... relieved."

"All you needed was something good to warm your heart. Murder is... It probably has a similar effect on your soul as a dementor does," She touched his wand thoughtfully. He felt his magic jump and they both looked at each other.

A sly grin graced his face, "If sex is something good to warm my heart with, and it keeps all the bad feelings at bay, then surely we must..."

She giggled and touched his face, "I love you."

"I love you," Came his husky reply. He returned eyes to his wand.

"I should leave soon."

"How unfortunate," He drawled.

"Well, what would you have me do? Stay here with you?"

"Yes," was the simple reply. He resigned, "I understand you must go."

"Can I shower quickly?" She asked.

"Of course," He gestured to the bathroom, "There are towels in the cabinet should you choose to not use magic," He looked at his wand carefully.

He could feel the magic, his magic, coursing through it. _Has it always been this responsive to me?_

The sound of the shower turning on interrupted his thoughts. He carried his wand into the bathroom and set it on the kitchen sink and reached for the toothpaste.

He heard a sniffle. Or, at least, he thought he did.

"Hermione?" He questioned. He pulled back the curtain slowly. She was facing the shower head, but her body movements told him she was weeping. His clothes were gone in an instant and he stepped in behind her. _This will never be easy._

"Mum and dad," Her voice broke his heart.

"You did what you needed to do, to protect them, to make sure that they survive. When this is over, we will find them, and we will put them right again," He turned her around and held her to him. _I'm so sorry._

She rested a hand on his breastbone and she could feel a few sparse chest hairs under her fingertips. She observed his body more closely than she ever had. The center of his chest had a patch of black hair. It wasn't thick or particularly present. The hair trailed down the center of his stomach and below his belly button. There were scars and some were larger than others, some thicker. He was thin, thinner than usual - his hips stuck out slighty, his face was gaunt, and she could feel his ribs more than she imagined she would have if they weren't in this war, but he still had a weighty presence about him. There were tense muscles on his arms and back. Her head rested solidly against his 6'2" frame.

He pressed his lips to her head and broke her out of her trance. _I love you._ He pulled her away from him slightly. She had shampoo in that bag of hers and he smirked when he saw it. He poured it into his hand and lathered it into a soapy mess on his fingers. _Almond. Shea._ She watched him in wonder as he rubbed her scalp with his fingers. He was careful to keep the suds from going anywhere near her eyes. _I love you._ He massaged the shampoo into her thick hair, which had straightened out under the water.

She leaned down and picked up his shampoo and mirrored his actions. She had to stand on her top toes to really wash his hair. The smells of almond and tea tree and Shea and mint swirled around them on the steam of the shower. When he had washed and rinsed her hair and her skin, and she had done the same to him, she turned the water off.

The both stepped out onto the tiny mat and he grabbed two towels. He was unwilling to allow magic to interrupt this intimacy, and only let it touch the towels to make them larger, softer, thicker. He wrapped the towel around her tiny frame, and mimicked the action around his waist.

"You... You are so beautiful," His thumbs caressed her cheeks, "This is the most intimate moment I have shared with anyone. By anyone, I mean, you only. More intimate than kissing, or sex, or back scratches," His words trailed off.

"What is it, Severus?" _You are unbelievably adorable with soaking wet hair._

"I love you," He said slowly.

She smiled, "I love you."

"I am sorry for what you had to do yesterday," He said seriously.

"I know you are," She sighed and tightened the towel around her.

"I... Moves are being made. I will return to Hogwarts within a few weeks. The Dark Lord is seeking a day to mount an attack on Potter. I will..." He looked at the wet mat between their feet. _I am so sorry, Hermione. People die in wars..._

"I will plan with you, Severus."

He nodded, "I do not want to go back to that castle without you." _I can't be there alone_

"I'm sorry, love. I'm sorry," She touched his face.

He stared at her then began to wipe off his body. She moved her attention to a tiny unlabeled bottle. When she picked it up, she looked at it carefully and curiously, as if she hadn't seen it before, and then popped the lid open.

 _Fuck!_ He snatched the bottle out of her hand, "What is this? Have you seen it before?" He smelled it. _Almond. Shea._

"Bloody hell, Severus. It's leave-in conditioner," she chastised him.

"What?"

"It's a hair product! Give it back!" She held her hand out.

"Then why, pray tell, did you look at it as if you'd never seen it?" His face was wrought with confusion.

"I didn't! I was thinking about how I needed to make more."

"Oh..."

"Oh is right, you narky man," She poured some of the vanilla colored cream into her hands and massaged it through her hair.

He cleared his throat, "I am sorry. I was just..."

She sighed, "You certainly are one of a kind."

He shifted nervously, "Is that a good thing?" _I shouldn't have been so rough taking the bottle from her. I probably hurt her. I'm sorry._

"With you, I am safer than I ever have been, Severus. Even if it does drive me mad at times," He stared at her eyes in the mirror. _God, I hope you are safe._

"What does it do? The conditioner?"

"Makes my hair manageable. I made it to help with all the frizz, you know."

He didn't speak. He walked out and dressed himself and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for her. Surprisingly, she was out within a minute or two - fully dressed. _I thought women take forever to get ready? Perhaps witches take less time than muggle women? I certainly hope so._

"Severus, I must go," She bit her lip. She was nervous, apprehensive. _Me too._

He stood and laced his fingers into hers, "I am afraid I find myself missing you and you are not even yet gone," He said sadly.

A single tear trickled down her cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb, "I miss you, too, Severus Snape."

He kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and then finally her mouth. His rested his forehead on hers and breathed in the scent of her.

He took a step backward, "Go. Now."

She obeyed and was gone. He stared at where she had stood for a long time.

 _Please come back to me._


	35. Chapter 35

"How goes the hunting of the family members?" Voldemort's voice was sickening.

"We cannot find any trace of a Weasley, my Lord. They seemed to have wised up a bit..." Dolohov's voice was dark and filled with loathing and disappointment.

"What of the Grangers? They are muggles. Surely, they were easier to find?" He hissed and looked toward the Carrow siblings.

"No, my Lord. No trace of them. The house was empty," They avoided his gaze. _Indeed it was._

"What do you make of this, Severus?" Voldemort said quietly as he looked at his table of Death Eaters.

Snape thought for a moment, trimming his words to convey the tone he desired - disgust, "The Weasley family are, at best, of mediocre intelligence. Granger, however," He sneered, "is, as I have said, truly an insufferable know-it-all. Between Potter, the remaining members of the Order, and her, the families will have been protected by now surely."

"The Order is irritating, Snape. As many losses as I hand them, they still manage to confound me," Voldemort frowned, "When you get the girl, who I suspect is much to blame for the intelligence of this protection, make it slow for me - will you?"

It took every ounce of self-control to not vomit instantaneously, "Your wish is my command, my Lord."

"You must make the move to Hogwarts, Headmaster," The Dark Lord grinned, "I am certain your colleagues will be delighted to see you," He said.

 _Probably fucking not._ Snape said nothing and inclined his head and focused on breathing and not puking through the rest of the meeting.

When he was arrived at the safety of his home, he sat on the couch.

 _Hermione._

 **Severus, how are you?**

 _I must move to assume the role of Headmaster within the week._

 **I'm sorry...**

 _Tell Minerva. Please._

 **I will. She is not here now, but she is supposed to come after supper. I will have news either this evening or next as to when Harry will be moved from the Dursley's to the Burrow.**

 _Okay._

 **Are you okay?**

 _No._

 **Do you want me to try to come to you?**

 _No. Keep yourself there where you are immeasurably safe. Stay far from me, girl._

 **Severus...**

 _You must certainly see the value in the art of living apart from me, without me. Consider it practice._

 **Stop it. You keep going like this and you know what will become of you?**

 _Death._

 **Christ, Severus. No. You'll piss yourself away in all of this.**

 _All the same._

She broke the connection rather abruptly and a headache pounded behind his eyes. _Oh, now she's mad at me?_

He shook his head and rubbed his temples. Summoning the bourbon from his cabinet, he unscrewed the top. He took a swig. Then another. And another. Gradually, they were longer swigs, more alcohol, more burning down his throat and in his stomach, less time in between each swallow. His gums went numb, a sign of intoxication for him he's known since he was far too young, and he leaned his head back against the couch. The room spun slowly, but not unpleasantly.

"Severus!!" He jumped and some of the whiskey spilled all down his front.

"Fuck me!" He said, and looked to see who had yelled at him.

Hermione Granger and Minerva McGonagall looked positively enraged. He tossed the remaining contents of the bottle back and swallowed, dropped the bottle, and kicked it away from him.

Leaning his head back again, he glanced at them, "What?" He closed his eyes.

"Severus Tobias Snape, you open your eyes right now," Minerva's thick Scottish accent penetrated his buzz.

He opened his eyes halfway, "What do you want?" He growled.

"What I want, Snape, is your attention!" She yelled.

"Fine," He growled and sat up. The room spun faster.

"The Order will move Harry Potter July 27th," She said.

Snape looked at her. His face was impassive, eyes heavily occuluded. Hermione's eyes narrowed.

Hermione spoke next, "You'll have to tell You-Know-Who the actual date, Severus. If you don't, you'll be compromised."

He still didn't speak.

"Severus," Hermione's voice was soft, "You are worried about moving back to Hogwarts?"

He laughed at her. It was a dark laugh that held within it no humor, "Of course."

Minerva spoke up, "You won't be alone. I'll be there, and I'm on your side."

"Yes," He said, "Excuse me for not celebrating one ally amidst dozens of enemies."

"You are, truly, intolerable sometimes," She clicked her tongue at him several times.

Hermione stared at him, "Severus, we'll come back in the morning," She said.

"Disappointed in me, are you?" He rose, but rose wobbly.

"No, Severus," She said quietly, "I am hurting for you." She moved next to him and laced her fingers into his. His mouth dropped slightly as he looked at their hands.

"You look absolutely miserable, Severus," Minerva said.

He grimaced, the alcohol-induced numbness wavered, "I have been unbecoming."

Minerva snorted, "Indeed you have been. May we return tomorrow morning?"

 _We?_ He looked at Hermione and felt the hum of her mind.

 _Stay with me._

 **I can't, Severus, I'm sorry. The Weasleys and the Order expect both of us back. They aren't sure where we went, but only that it was important in planning Harry's move from Privet Drive to the Burrow. I must return.**

 _Please._ His eyes were heavy with anxiety and fear.

 **I...** She looked away from him.

He nodded, "Tomorrow, then," His voice was thick with emotion and alcohol.

She squeezed his hand, Minerva smiled sadly at the pair of them. Hermione moved away from him to her, and Minerva held up a hand, "Severus Snape, surely you do not intend to send the woman you love back into the abyss without at least kissing her first?"

His face flushed red, redder than either of them had ever seen it. Minerva giggled and turned on her heel and stepped out, "Oh, you prude bat."

Hermione turned to look at Severus. His face was beet red and he looked quite horrified.

"Surely, the idea of kissing me could not be so horrifying?" She teased the inebriated man.

"Not at all," He said lowly, "Just her knowing that I am doing it," He bent his head to hers and met her lips.

She pulled away, whispered goodbye, and they were gone as quickly as they had come.

 _Had they even been real? Am I really that drunk?_


	36. Chapter 36

He was sitting at his kitchen table when they arrived the next morning. He had made tea, with two cups sitting in front of the chairs across from him. When the door closed behind them, he winced, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose when they walked into the kitchen.

"You look like hell, Severus," Minerva spoke first.

 _Oh, I feel it._ He grimaced, "Yes, lovely I am sure, Minerva. Thank you."

Hermione pulled one of the chairs around next to him and sat in it. _What?_ His tired face must've asked the question aloud.

"We are not here to lecture you," She said quietly to him and put her hand on his knee.

"Potter will be moved July 27th," Minerva sat across from him, "And I am here to lecture you just a wee bit... Alcohol is a depressant, Severus," When he rolled his eyes, "Don't you dare roll your eyes at me boy. You very know well know that. It will only exacerbate the negative emotions. Please... take care of yourself. You're no good to us drinking yourself into a stupor."

He smirked just slightly, "Yes, mother." She kicked him under the table, "Christ, woman! How very Slytherin of you," It was Minerva's turn to smirk.

She continued, "The plan is that Potter will move his family to a new safe location that same day, and the Order will move him after they've left. The Order will arrive in pairs of two, with Hagrid being the extra," She said. Snape listened intently.

She tapped her finger on the table, "One of each pair will take a Polyjuice Potion containing Potter's hair. There will, effectively, be seven Harry Potters. When You-Know-Who mounts his attack, it will be impossible to tell which Harry Potter is the real one."

Snape looked at her face, studied it, and then nodded, "Very well. I suppose that will draw enough attention away from the boy and create a sufficient distraction so as allow the Order enough time to move him."

Minerva looked nervous, and swallowed, "Yes, I quite agree."

 _What is she on about?_

"Severus..." Hermione said. _Oh, fuck. I know that voice. I'm not going to like this at all._

"What?" He asked.

"I am going to be one of the seven Potters." _No. No. No._

"No, Hermione! No!" He bellowed.

"Severus... I've protected him before and it wouldn't exactly be the first time I've put my life on the line for him. I've been doing that quite steadily since I was 11."

"This is different!" He jerked his chair back and stood, "This is different! Taking that! Becoming him!"

She nodded, "I understand the dangers."

His eyes stared daggers at her, "No. I cannot allow it."

Hermione merely crossed her leg over the other and sipped her tea, "Well, I guess it's good then that I wasn't asking for permission."

 _What the fuck is wrong with you?_

That infuriated him, "No one will know it's you and not him!"

"Yes, that's the point," She snapped.

"I told you he would take it well," Minerva raised an eyebrow pointedly at Hermione.

"You! You're fine with this?!" Snape roared at Minerva.

"No at all, boy, but I simply accept I cannot change her mind and instead, I choose to focus on how I can help her succeed."

He bent down on a knee next to Hermione and took her hands in his, "Please, don't do this. Don't do this. They will not know if it is or is not Potter. None of them will. They will kill you - all of you. I will not be able to tell which one you are. I will not be able to protect you. Please, Hermione, please. Please do not do this," He rested his forehead on her knee and the tears fell. _Please, they'll kill you. They'll kill you._

"This is something I must do, Severus. This is part of my position," She put her hand in his hair, "Besides, I will most certainly let you know who I will be with!"

His hands shook in hers, "Hermione..."

She stroked his hair and then pulled him up into the chair next to her, "I will be okay, Severus. I will have plenty of people looking out for me, and I'll have you too."

He shook his head, "You... I cannot... Hermione, this might possibly be the least intelligent decision you've ever made."

She scoffed at him, "Oh, please. That's highly unlikely."

"How are you so calm about this?!"

"Because I have to be, Severus, for Harry. Because I have to be," She gritted her teeth, "And I trust you to take care of me no matter what. You promised me that." _But..._

He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them again, "Hermione..." He searched her face, but found no weakness there. _No. You will not change your mind. Foolish Gryffindor bravery. Foolish..._

He put his hand through his hair. She stared at him, "You will protect me, won't you, Severus? Protect all of us?"

His head snapped toward her, "Of course I will. What level of success I will be able to achieve remains to be seen," He scowled.

"Were you already to be a part of this attack? Or were you given a choice?" Minerva asked.

"What choice I may or may not have been afforded is irrelevant now, isn't it?" His voice was icy.

"Severus, Hermione and I thought that..."

"Oh, this ought to be good. What else did you two think of? It will be difficult, though, to top the absolutely fantastic idea of sending the woman I love into certain death disguised as the bloody Boy Who Lived you've just presented me!" He growled.

"Severus, stop!" Hermione yelled.

"Oh, no, I've heard about all I can take from the two of you today! No more bloody ideas!" He grabbed his cup of tea and smashed it into the sink.

"Shut up, you foolish man!" Hermione screamed at him, "We're trying to help you!"

He gripped the sink edge until his knuckles were white, "Just how does you putting your life in even more danger help me?"

"It's not about that," She was standing behind him now. He hung his head while he continued to grip the sink.

"Severus..." Hermione said, "Please don't be angry with me. In my shoes, you'd do the same."

He turned to her slowly. He glanced nervously between the two of them and then focused on Hermione. When he spoke, his voice was so quiet that both women barely heard him, "I cannot lose you." It came out as a plea, a fearful declaration, and held within it, all of the loneliness of the boy he had once been.

"I know you're worried and scared. I know. I understand. I'm worried and scared, too. We all are, but have time to prepare, okay?"

He said nothing. His lip trembled and his hands shook. He said nothing. _Please do not do this._ When she noticed this, she stepped closer to him. She grabbed his hand in hers and kissed his knuckles.

"We have an idea as to how to make Hogwarts a bit less hostile for you," Minerva said.

Severus didn't respond. The tiny boy he had once been stood in the 6'2" frame of the man he had grown to be. Hermione moved closer to him, rested her shoulder on his chest, and he tilted his head down so he could smell her hair. His entire body was trembling. _Please don't do this._

"It's okay, Severus, it's okay," She crooned to him. McGonagall watched her with him, and him with her, with utter heartbreak on her face.

A year ago, she would have blown Snape to hell for being near a student, and blown him beyond hell for being with Hermione. She watched them now, watched her comfort the man she had known for so many years. She watched him allow himself to be comforted. People are not always as they appear to be.

"Severus, what would you think about bringing more people in?" Minerva's voice was sympathetic.

He raised his eyebrows and looked at her curiously, "In?"

"We think it might be easier if we brought more people into this... circle... So that you would have a couple more allies whilst you're at school," Hermione pulled back a step to look at him.

 _Oh, no._ He narrowed his eyes at her, "Hermione..."

"Not all of them! Not all of them! Just the House Heads! So, really, just Flitwick, Sprout, and Slughorn at this point," She gestured to Minerva.

"Are you taking the mickey out of me?" His voice was low and heavy with fear.

"No. No. Never," She said.

 _Bloody hell, Hermione._


	37. Chapter 37

At great length, Hermione and Minerva managed to convince Severus that the House Heads should be aware of his precarious position, however, he had forbidden nearly all the details.

When Hermione arrived at his cottage two days later, Severus was intent on making sure she told them only what they had discussed.

"You must tell them even less than Minerva. I chose a Secret Keeper because I needed secrets kept... and I needed the secrets kept secret!" He growled.

She was frustrated with him, "Yes, Severus, but you also put me in charge of dictating who was told what if anyone needed to be told anything."

"Go on then. Just what have you planned to tell them?" He snapped.

"I plan to tell them that I am your Secret Keeper, and that, for the benefit of all, clarity is required. In the interest of clarity, they will need to be told that you are still our spy," She said.

"No," He said firmly.

"For fuck's sake, Severus. You just want to leave it as 'I'm your Secret Keeper' and let them assume the rest?"

"Yes."

"No, sorry, that's not the way to make this most functional."

"I disagree," He drawled

"Oh, of course you do," She huffed, "You'll just have to trust me."

He raised his eyebrow, "Yes, just look at where that has gotten me thus far."

"Lovely, Sev," His breath hitched. _Sev, "_ is there anything else you'd like to undermine before our guests get here?"

"I am sorry, Hermione," He said, "I trust you. Being open and trusting are not exactly two of my strengths."

"Definitely not," She said. Her head turned toward the door when she heard the crack of apparation.

She shoved Severus back down the hallway out of sight and he grumbled, "What the hell?"

"Minerva didn't tell them this was your place. They wouldn't have come. Just stay back here for a minute or so," She said.

He glared, but sighed in defeat. _They're going to murder me at first glance. This death, at least, will probably be tremendously quicker than whatever the Dark Lord has in store for me._

He heard Minerva bring in the other staff.

"Just where the devil are we, Minerva?" Horace Slughorn spoke first. _He is surely the most disappointed in me. I am just another one of his Slytherins gone bad. Each one he takes as a personal failure._

Pomona Sprout seconded his question, "Yes, and what was so urgent and why all the secrecy?" _The irony._

Filius Flitwick asked, "Whose house is this?" _Oh, this will go wonderfully, "_ and why is Miss Granger here?"

Hermione spoke, "Hi Professors... I'm really sorry about the urgency and secrecy and all that, but it will all be made perfectly clear in a minute or so." _Too clear._

Minerva said, "Yes, Indeed, it will. But first, we need your wands." _Filius could kill me without lifting a finger let alone a wand..._

The three grumbled their dissatisfaction at the request, but after both Hermione and Minerva pleaded and said they required their trust, they held all three wands in their possession.

"Right, now that we've got that out of the way..." Hermione sounded nervous.

"Whose house is this?" Flitwick asked again. _As usual, he is working things out before he should._

Hermione began to speak, but Severus stepped out from the dark hallway into the light of the sitting room and spoke lowly, "It is mine."

"You!" Sprout rose to her feet, but Flitwick had Snape bound to the wall in an instant.

Severus met the eyes of Slughorn who was staring at him sadly. Anger would have hurt less. Hermione was screaming at Flitwick to let Snape go, but the invisible bonds around Severus' neck only grew tighter. _Yes, this will be much faster._

Ponoma spoke up, "Filius, stop. They brought us here for a reason, and if he's involved," She spat toward Snape, "then we should know everything before we decide to kill him." _Ever the Hufflepuff._

Filius released Snape and he gasped for breath. When he had regained his breathing, he leaned back against the wall for support. He opened his eyes and observed the people in front of him.

"If everyone would please just sit down so we can talk," Hermione said. Slughorn sat immediately. _His heartbreak is horrifying._

Filius remained glaring at Severus, and Ponoma said, "Miss Granger, we do want to hear you out, but this..." She jutted a finger toward Snape, who flinched, "This man killed our headmaster."

"I'm aware of what he did," She snapped, "Please. Sit."

All but Severus obeyed, and when Hermione shot daggers at him, he merely raised his hands and said coolly, "I believe I am safer here."

Filius spat, "You're not safe anywhere, Snape."

Severus inclined his head, "Indeed."

Hermione interrupted the brief verbal sparring, "Professor McGonagall and I brought you three here tonight in hopes of bringing to light some information which you will find both necessary and valuable in the days to come. It is also to unite the House Heads under their headmaster as well."

The three professors looked between the two Slytherins confused as to which was which, and Flitwick's mouth dropped open, "No!" _Again with the figuring it all out before it's time._

Flitwick lunged toward Severus again, but Hermione jumped in front of him, "I am Severus Snape's Secret Keeper! He is our spy, he killed Dumbledore at Dumbledore's own request, and he is your new headmaster appointed by You-Know-Who himself," She yelled.

 _Yes, fantastic, just throw in the bits about Lily, too, or the part where I'm fucking their prized student._

The room went completely silent. The secrets nestled firmly in all of their chests, rooting in a way that could never be forced out, and they digested what had just been said. Severus was quite certain that nobody, other than he, was breathing.

Filius staggered backward a step and everyone remained silent. He looked green. Slughorn looked thoroughly confused and hurt, and Sprout looked as if she had been kicked in the chest by Buckbeak. All eyes slowly made their way to his face.

He crossed his arms in Snape-fashion and pushed away from the wall, "How lovely to see you all," came the velvet drawl.


	38. Chapter 38

The backlash of Hermione's words was palpable. The three professors reeled at the knowledge. Severus could see it on their faces how painfully difficult it was for them wrap their minds around what was their truth now and rid themselves of the truth they came into his house with.

Severus began to shrink inside of himself. Any confidence he had wavered, and he slouched against the wall. He was exposed in a way he had never been before with a room full of people staring at him.

"Severus..." Slughorn's voice was raspy, and his gooseberry colored eyes found the black.

Snape kept his face even, but his stomach was turning. Slughorn was a good man who prided himself on the achievement of his students, and Severus had been one of his best. His apparent betrayal of someone else Slughorn admired so, Dumbledore, had been crushing.

"Horace," Snape said curtly and was unsure what to say otherwise.

Ponoma spoke next, "You... How? Why?"

"How and why what?" He drawled, feigning boredom.

Flitwick said, "How did you manage all this? Why are you doing this?"

Snape shrugged and said coolly, "I've never been good at friendships, so keeping things to myself was quite easy for much of my life. When it came down to this final stretch, I couldn't go it alone anymore. Unfortunately, I am human."

"Why are you doing this? Spying? What's in it for you?" The Ravenclaw asked.

"Much," Severus said plainly.

"Such as?"

"My reasons are my own, Filius," Snape snapped.

Sprout said, "Oh, no, Severus, you can't do that. You can't expect us to just have these secrets unloaded on us and tell us nothing."

Snape bristled, "You know enough."

"We were friends," She pleaded.

Hermione cut him off before he could say something nasty about the past tense verbiage, "He has a debt he wants to repay. Plus, he isn't exactly keen on the idea of having a magical Hitler in control of the world." _Oh, thanks, Hermione._

The witch furrowed her brow, "A debt?"

Hermione's eyes went wide as she realized she had said far too much. She glanced nervously at Severus.

 **I'm so sorry. I just wanted them to be kind to you. To understand...**

Severus made no physical or mental acknowledgment of her apology.

Slughorn whispered, "Lily..." Snape's eyes sparked. _Of course he knows._ The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff's faces changed from confusion to understanding as they processed the information.

They became somewhat bashful and backed away from Severus. Severus' jaw was set in rage, "Now that we have that out of the way... Any other prying personal inquiries?"

"Why would Dumbledore ask you to kill him?" Slughorn was wide eyed as he spoke.

Snape ground his teeth together and snapped his eyes toward Hermione, "Well, go on then, Miss Granger. You've been so forthcoming thus far," His voice was flat, but his eyes were flaming in rage. _Go ahead._

"Dumbledore was working with a cursed magical object, and the curse transferred to his hand. Professor Snape was able to contain the curse to his hand for the time being, but it only gave him about a year. Draco Malfoy was commanded to assassinate Dumbledore by You-Know-Who, and Dumbledore didn't want to do that damage to Draco's soul, so he demanded that Professor Snape do it instead. You-Know-Who already expected him to do it should Draco fail anyway," She shifted back and forth on her feet and crossed her arms.

Slughorn nodded in understanding. Sprout spoke with shock on her face, "And he didn't care about your soul, Severus?"

Snape shrugged, "Never did."

Flitwick narrowed his eyes, "Snape, why did you pick Miss Granger to be your Secret Keeper?"

"Because I am friends with Harry, and the communication between us would be mutually beneficial," Hermione said.

 _It does not feel mutually beneficial at present._

Flitwick rubbed his forehead, "Merlin..."

The room was silent for a long moment. The air was thick with tension and uncertainty.

"We can trust you?" Ponoma questioned weakly.

"It would seem so," Snape said coolly.

"I'm so sorry, Severus," Flitwick said quietly.

"This is the path I chose many years ago. It has ended up quite a deal worse than I anticipated, I'll admit, but it was a choice I made," Severus said evenly.

Ponoma wiped a tear from her eye, "I'm glad you're still with us, Severus."

Slughorn sat in shock and Severus spoke directly to him, "Horace... I am sure this has been exceedingly painful for you, as my former House Head, but I hope that, in time, you can forgive what I have done. I hope for that with all of you," Severus was nervous now, and clenched his jaw.

"We will," Ponoma assured him, and Filius and Horace nodded in agreement.

"You are to be the new headmaster?" Slughorn asked.

"Indeed," He said, "I worry about all of your safety. As of yet, the Dark Lord has absolutely no reason to suspect me, but you must stay vigilant with your minds. The Carrow siblings are to serve under me as professors."

Slughorn winced. All of the professors in front of Severus were more than capable of defending themselves mentally and physicallly, but it was a great risk to bring anyone into this.

"We are with you, Severus," Horace said softly, "All of us. Until the end."

That rocked Severus to the core. He nodded and swallowed hard.

"This cannot change the appearance of our relationship with Severus at Hogwarts. We cannot meet with him privately. We cannot be friendly toward him. We cannot let on to anyone ever that we are still working together," Minerva said firmly.

The professors nodded, and Severus spoke, "I am sure it will be most difficult for you to act as if you hate me." _Unfortunately._

"It will be," Ponoma said sadly, "My heart breaks for you."

Severus' hands trembled and he tightened his crossed arms across his chest.

Slughorn and Flitwick stared at him, and Sprout looked at the floor.

"Miss Granger will provide us with the necessary information. All the rest...Well, we must trust Severus," Minerva said.

"What of the students, Severus? Will they be protected?"

"As much as I possibly can. The Dark Lord despises the unnecessary spilling of magical blood. It is my intention to limit it as much as I can."

They nodded. The room was quiet again.

Severus opened his mouth, hesitated, and then spoke, "I am sorry. To all of you," His voice cracked.

Filius spoke, "You walk a dangerous line, Severus. That line requires many unsavory acts. Together, we must get you through this war so you can finally live in peace."

Horace said, "Hear, hear, my dear boy." _Dear boy..._

Ponoma's smile was sad, "We are with you."

 _I am not alone. I am not alone._


	39. Chapter 39

As the professors started leaving, Hermione said she was staying back to discuss the details about Harry's move from Privet Drive. Ponoma raised her eyebrow and looked to Severus. His head was down and his eyes were shielded by his hair. She said nothing.

When they left, Hermione turned to Severus, "I'm really, really sorry about how much I shared. I just got really defensive of you. I wanted them to listen and to be kind to you. I didn't want them to try to hurt you. I shouldn't have said so much."

 _I love you._ Snape met her gaze. In an instant, his lips were on hers seeking her tongue. He was pulling her shirt off over her head quickly and she moaned into his mouth. He picked her up and carried her to the couch where she promptly straddled his lap.

Wordlessly, Severus took their clothes off. He gripped her smooth thighs and grabbed at her ass. He kissed her neck hungrily, her chest, flicked his tongue over each nipple. Finally, he met her eyes and saw the heat in them.

"Please," He said huskily, "God, please."

She slid down on his length until he filled her completely. He hissed as she did it and let his head fall back onto the top of the couch. She began to ride him and he squirmed under her. _Fuck._

His hands squeezed her hips as she rode him. She put one hand around his throat and squeezed just slightly. His tongue stuck out of his mouth slightly and he bit down on it and stared at her through half-lidded eyes. _Sweet Merlin, woman._

She ground against him, biting at his lip, his jawline, and then his ear, "I'm going to take you, Severus, and there's nothing you can do about it."

He shivered under her and moaned, "It won't take much," He said lowly.

"Good," Her grin was devilish.

He held her hips firmly, "What about you, Hermione?"

"Seeing you like this is more than enough for me," She smiled.

He searched her face for any flicker of doubt, and she ground against him. His eyes rolled back into his head, "Fuckkk me, Hermione."

"Oh, I intend to," She said silkily.

Her movements sped up, her skin slapped against his, and perspiration beaded up on both of them.

"Hermione... I..." He grunted and his face contracted in barely contained pleasure.

"Give it to me, Severus," She demanded. _Dear God..._

He did. He cried out loudly in ecstasy as she rode him through the waves of pleasure. He shuddered and bucked under her as she slowed her pace and sat down fully on him, feeling him soften slowly inside of her. His chest rose and fell quickly in shallow breaths. She kissed his lips lightly.

"Good God, woman," He breathed.

"You attacked me!" She said playfully as she slid off of him.

"True," He said with a smile on his lips.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, "You're not angry with me are you?"

He raised his eyebrows, "You've just had sex with me and you're asking if I'm angry?"

"Well... You were earlier."

"Was this make-up sex?" He quipped.

"You're an ass, Severus Snape," She pushed him lightly.

He chuckled, and then sat quietly for a minute, "Truly, I have never felt so defended. I was angry, yes, because I felt more vulnerable than I have in many years. But you were... You championed me, and I've never had that."

"I will always be on your side, love," She assured him as her fingers ran through his hair. So many jokes were made about his hair, but it wasn't greasy at all. At least, not anymore. Time away from brewing cauldrons had done his hair well.

He took a deep breath filled with relief, "Thank you. I hope that I can repay the favor some day."

"Your love is all that I need."

"I think that went about as well as we could have expected," He said.

"Yes, I think. Aside from Flitwick trying to strangle you."

"The man is a master dueler. He could have killed me in a heartbeat, but he didn't. He hesitated because we... Our relationship had been friendly," Severus swallowed and leaned into her fingers.

She didn't say anything and he spoke again, "Are we okay, Hermione?"

"How do you mean?" She looked confused.

"I don't have much experience in relationships. I am uncertain that I am... Doing well?" He struggled to find the words.

"Yes, of course! You're wonderful," She smiled at him, "You adapt to make our relationship better and stronger, you relent, you apologize, you make changes. You listen. You try. You're wonderful."

"I would not go that far," He said. _I love you._

"Well, I guess it's good that my opinion on this matter counts more than yours," She elbowed him gently.

He pulled her closer to him and held her tightly. His craving for skin-to-skin contact could be immensely overwhelming for both of them.

"Can you stay?" He asked. His voice was unsure and nervous.

"No, I'm sorry, Severus," She frowned.

"I thought as much," He sighed, "It was worth a shot at least."

She smiled and kissed his cheek.

He looked at her, "I wish... we could be normal. I wish I could take you out to dinner and treat you how I want."

"We can make this work, Sev. I know we can."

"I want to feel normal with you. You deserve something real, something that isn't just... business," He said quietly. _I love you._

"We'll figure out how to find a sense of normal amongst all of this mess," She ran her fingers through his dark hair.

"Okay," He said, "I'm sorry, Hermione."

"Whatever for?" She looked concerned.

"For the... hiding. You deserve more," He said sadly.

"Stop beating yourself up, Severus. We will have the rest of our lives after this damn war is over," She said firmly.

 _I sincerely hope so._


	40. Chapter 40

Severus moved back to Hogwarts two days later. The move was miserable, awkward, tense... The introductions had mostly been the Carrows saying how Hogwarts was under the Dark Lord's command and that Severus was his second. They spoke with great enthusiasm about the desire to unify the house under one sigil - Slytherin. McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick, and Sprout did well at being distant and appearing disgusted. Well, Sprout less so than the other three.

Snape spent most of his time in his office avoiding everyone else. There was not really much to do except bide his time until the attack. Hermione was surrounded by people, so she had plenty to occupy herself with, but Severus was lonely. He often felt intense anxiety and stress from his ring, and he worried about Hermione. _She is too young to have to face all of this._

Severus had informed the Dark Lord of the Order's intent to move Potter on the 27th. Tomorrow night, Hermione would take a Polyjuice Potion and become Harry Potter. Tomorrow night, he would mount an attack against her. Tomorrow, he could lose her. Sporadically throughout the two weeks apart, they would talk several times a day whenever they were both available. _Whenever she is available._

He needed to see her badly. He was irritable, anxious, stressed. Minerva had whispered to him that he should see her at breakfast, that she was as stressed out as he was.

 _Hermione, I need to see you. I need to see you before tomorrow evening._

 **I need to see you too. But how?**

 _I am allowed to leave the castle, just not with any frequency or for an extended length of time. My cottage?_

 **What time?** She sounded so stressed.

 _7 tonight?_

 **Okay. I'll be there.**

She sounded tired and nervous. _I'm so scared she will get hurt._

He waited anxiously for her to arrive and when she did, he immediately enveloped her in a hug. Instantly, she was crying into his chest. The smell of her hair - _almond, Shea_ \- filled his nose. He felt as if he could breathe for the first time in weeks. The knot in his stomach unclenches just slightly.

"Why are you crying?" His voice rumbled in his chest.

"I'm scared, Severus. I'm so scared. I'm scared you'll be discovered. I'm scared too many people know even though that would be because of me. I'm scared to die tomorrow. I'm scared you'll be hurt. I'm scared to lose anybody," Her face was buried into his robes.

He held her tighter as the same fears pulsated throughout his body. They stood like that, holding each other, for quite some time. _I have missed you so badly._

"How are you?" She mumbled into his chest. _My love..._

"Terrified," He admitted and his teeth chattered slightly in fear.

She nodded and squeezed him tighter. _Tell her. Tell her._

"I miss you, Hermione. Every moment of every day," His voice was low and gruff. She looked at him in wonder

"I miss you, too," Her eyes were filled with sadness, "You have opened up so much more than I ever thought you would. Months ago, you would have never told me that, even if you felt it."

"Perhaps you are finally getting things through my thick skull, Granger."

A long silence fell between them as they realigned their souls together.

"You will be there, waiting, before we take off tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"I will tell you who I am riding with."

"Yes," He squeezed her.

"You'll stay close to me?"

"Always."

"You'll protect my friends?"

"I have been doing that for your entire life," He said.

"You'll take care of yourself?"

"Hermione, I will do what is necessary to ensure your safety."

"I need to know you'll come out of this..."

He swallowed hard. _How do I make that kind of promise?_

"Severus, please..." _I have broken your heart so many times._

"I will," He said quietly.

She looked at him. Her eyes were red and puffy and she had dark circles under them. He held her face in his hands gently.

"You are everything," He whispered to her.

She looked deeply into his eyes and then reached up to kiss him lightly on his lips, "I love you."

"You must be safe tomorrow. You must," He said. It wasn't a request. It was a demand.

"I will," She assured him.

"You take my heart with you wherever you go, Hermione Granger."

"As do you, Severus Snape."

When they finally parted in the wee hours of the morning, they had both wept together - stress, fear, anxiety, frustration, love, separation. It would be weeks, perhaps months, before they would see each other again. In the meantime, each day would grow in peril. Each night would be darker. Every day they would move closer to all-out battle. Their last words to each other in person were those of love, longing, and a sliver of hope.

The next day at Hogwarts, Snape paced all day in his office. He attended no meal, took no meeting with anyone. He held in his hand his Death Eater mask. Tracing the ornate patterns in it with his fingers, he looked at the signs of age. Some places were chipped or scratched from years of wear. _Too many years._ The mask is molded to each Death Eater's face, the patterns are unique - supposedly a pattern that reflects the wearer's magic.

The white of the mask was marbled with the black design patterns swirling the curves of the mask and darkening it significantly. His was the lightest mask out of all of them, which had garnered much teasing. _It is probably lighter because I am disloyal - how symbolic... White under all the black, light under all the dark.._ He had never shown Hermione his mask. It served as another physical reminder of the darkness with in him, of his laundry list of sins. She wouldn't need to see the mask to find the man. _Her man._

A knock at his door broke him out of his trance. He dropped the mask to his desk, "Enter."

It was the Carrow siblings.

Amycus spoke first, and his voice grated Severus' ears, "Are you sure, Headmaster, that we must stay behind tonight?" _Shut the fuck up._

"Surely, you do not think it wise to leave the Dark Lord's school unattended by the Dark Lord's faithful servants?" Severus said evenly.

"Yes, Headmaster, you are right," He smiled a broken toothed smile and his sister mirrored him, "but there are no students."

"Yes, but there are professors. Who would put up a stronger rebellion? 11-year-olds, or fully grown and accomplished adults?" He sneered. _They truly are idiots._

They shrugged and Alecto said, "They're just not as fun as the children." _They could best you, you mean._

Snape glared, "You will have students soon enough, Carrow. Albeit, you will not have as much as you would probably prefer."

Amycus and his sister frowned, but said nothing.

Snape said, "I must take my leave."

They nodded and left him alone once again. His ring burned with fear. He apparated to Surrey in his robes with his mask in hand. His stomach twisted nervously.

 _I'm here, Hermione._

 **Okay. We just took the potions. I will be with Kingsley.**

 _At least he is a competent wizard and flyer._

 **Harry is with Hagrid.**

 _It is good that I am the only Death Eater that knows of Potter's bond with Hagrid. Otherwise, that would be quite obvious._

 **Stay close to me.** Her thoughts shivered in his mind.

 _Always._

"Headmaster," Bellatrix said mockingly, "Didn't know if you'd show."

"Ah, Bellatrix, ever the doubter," He clicked his tongue, "Did you forget I killed Dumbledore or have you convinced yourself that your eye witness account was just a figment of your elaborate imagination?"

"Shut it, Snape," She hissed, "I trust you... now, but I don't like you."

"At least that we share mutually," He sneered. _Psychopathic wench._

 **Severus, we are mounted and ready.**

 _I love you more than I could ever express._

 **I love you more than you will ever believe.**

"Let us take our positions," He said coolly, "They will leave at nightfall."

He dawned his mask and pulled up his hood. Pushing off the wet pavement, he led the group to the ambush point. Hovering relatively behind most of the Death Eaters, his stomach flipped over and over. Voldemort arrived just in time above all of them. _How self-important._

Mad-Eye Moody was the first to plow through the clouds with a Potter impersonator trailing behind on a broom and a bolt of green light shot from Voldemort's wand toward the faux Potter, missed, and hit Moody in the chest. He fell through the clouds. _Fuck._

He raced around to find Shacklebolt, and saw a Death Eater aiming at "Potter" on the back Arthur Weasley's broom. _It must be one of his children._ Snape aimed well-enough to look as if he were going for the boy behind Arthur, but was truly aiming to the Death Eater.

"Sectumsempra!" He hissed. The curse hit the Death Eater's wand arm, but it also clipped the boy clinging to the elder Weasley in the night. _Fuck._ Weasley would be fine, but he felt tremendously guilty. _At least it looks more like I was aiming for Potter._

He turned his head and saw Shacklebolt. There was little attention on them for now and he quickly swept over behind them. Hermione glanced over her shoulder and saw the Death Eater chasing them had made no move for his wand.

 **Severus.**

 _Yes._

Shacklebolt made quick maneuvers to lose him, but Snape was a skilled flyer and his love for Hermione made his pursuit easy. Voldemort was frantically looking for the real Potter. Snape saw something flying toward them and ducked just after Shacklebolt and Hermione had. It was a white snowy owl. _Potter. She must have tried to protect him. Fuck._

Voldemort howled and Snape knew he had been alerted. He was far enough away into his chase that he would not be suspected for continuing to follow the pair in front of him. Potter's discovery would draw enough attention away from him so that he could pursue Hermione and Kingsley all the way to the Burrow. The Order was close to their target.

As they approached, he sped up. Kingsley flew lower toward the ground as he raced Severus to the barrier.

Shacklebolt was reaching for his wand.

 _Jump, Hermione!_

She obeyed immediately and rolled off the speeding broom just as Severus rammed himself into Shacklebolt who crashed below into the swampy mess of crops surrounding the Weasley's home. Snape landed near Hermione and pulled her up.

"Go! Run!" He shouted and pushed her toward the house.

He then turned to see Shacklebolt running toward him to defend Hermione with his wand raised.

As he opened his mouth to curse him, Snape roared, "Stupefy!"

Shacklebolt was propelled back, but not far enough to go through the barrier. Hermione screamed and went to run through the barrier to help him.

"No!" Snape bellowed.

He grabbed Shacklebolt by the arm and, half-dragging him, threw him across the barrier.

Shacklebolt was disoriented, dazed, and still partially stunned. Snape stared at him, then at Hermione.

 _I love you._

 **I love you.**

And he disapparated into the night and headed for Malfoy Manor. Upon arriving, Voldemort was roaring his defeat. He had Lucius by the collar wih his feet dangling off of the ground.

"Why didn't it work!!!!?" He screeched.

"I... I don't know, my Lord," Malfoy studdered.

Voldemort threw Malfoy to the ground, "Get me Ollivander! Now!"

Malfoy was disappeared into his home. Snape was pushed in the back hard and he turned to see Crabbe glaring at him. His arm was bleeding profusely.

"You cursed me, you fucking traitor!" _Oops._

"You got in my way, you idiot!"

He reached for Severus, but he was thrown back by Voldemort, "Don't touch him! All of you! Get out of my sight!" Severus didn't need to be told twice and disapparated back to the castle.

 _Are you okay?_

 **Yes. Are you?**

 _Yes. What does Shacklebolt remember?_

 **He thought it was you because he recognized your voice, but I told him you didn't hesitate to kill Dumbledore, so you wouldn't have hesitated to kill him. He's still pretty mixed up from being stunned.**

 _Good girl. What of Potter?_

 **He's here. He's safe and unharmed.**

 _What happened when the Dark Lord chased him? What made it unsuccessful? He was well protected?_

 **He says his wand defended him of its own accord, and that they connected again.**

 _Casualties?_

 **Just Moody...**

 _I saw... it was the Dark Lord._

 **I thought as much.**

 _Which Weasley did my curse hit?_

 **George. It got most of his ear.**

 _I am sorry, Hermione. I was not aiming for him._

 **I know.**

 _I love you._

 **I love you.**

He made his way back to his office and ran into the all-too-eager Carrow siblings.

Alecto asked, "How did it go?"

"We failed," He spat.

Their faces dropped immediately, "How?" Amycus asked.

"There were seven Harry bloody Potters!" He growled, "Polyjuice."

They frowned and cursed and Snape snapped, "Get out of my sight. I'm in no mood to entertain." They practically ran from him.

 _She is safe. She is safe. She is safe._


	41. Chapfer 41

On August 1st, Hermione informed Severus that Bill and Fleur would be getting married that day.

 **It's kind of strange having a wedding in the middle of all this.**

 _Perhaps that is a good reason to have it._

 **I suppose so.**

 _I am sure it will provide a measure of comfort and security in the coming days._

 **Yeah.**

 _I know that tone. What is it, woman?_

 **I wish... I wish you could be here. I wish... Nevermind.**

 _You choose now, after all my years begging you in my classroom, to stop speaking?_

 **I wish it were you and me.**

Severus' mouth fell open. He had never truly thought marriage would be an option for him, so it had largely been absent from his day-to-day thoughts over the course of his life, but Hermione had changed a lot. There was now something in his life worth living for, and the idea that he could die in this war bothered him, whereas he had completely accepted it, even preferred it, before. He became nervous and his heart fluttered a bit. Scratching his chin, he drifted off a bit in his thoughts.

 **See? I shouldn't have said anything.**

 _Me too._

 **What?**

 _I wish for the same thing._ He could feel himself blush.

 **I love you.**

 _I love you, too._

The thought of marrying Hermione consumed his thoughts for the rest of the afternoon. Committing his life to her, having her do the same. It was the least-Snape thought pattern he had ever had, and it was uncomfortable, like wearing a new pair of shoes that didn't quite fit because they weren't broken in yet. It was not... a negative experience, but it was uncomfortable at present.

That evening, he and the Carrows were summoned. They left the school discreetly so as to not alert the other staff that they were gone. When they had all sat at the table with the Dark Lord, he looked them over carefully.

"Tonight, I have assigned a small group of us to attack the Ministry of Magic. I grow impatient with the lack of progress we have experienced in this movement toward war," His voice was icy.

Snape looked at him impassively.

 _Hermione, the Ministry of Magic will be attacked tonight. Should it fall, they will come for you, for all of you, at the Burrow. They will know._

 **Do I tell the others?**

 _I think it best to keep it to yourself for now. We do not know how things will pan out._

She didn't respond.

"Severus?" Voldemort spoke directly to him.

"Yes, my Lord?" His voice was even and calm.

"Do accept my apologies for not informing you of this decision. You are my second, and I should have at least discussed my plan with you. I'll admit, it was a rash and hasty decision, but my patience dwindles," He explained. _Did he just apologize to me? Am I fucking dreaming?_

"You need not inform me of everything, my Lord. I trust your judgment and decisions fully," Snape answered.

Voldemort smiled and inclined his head toward Severus, "I have left Amycus, Alecto, and Severus out of tonight's attack," _Thank God for small mercies,_ "They are too valuable to me in their positions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Yaxley will lead the attack."

Yaxley nodded, "Yes, my Lord. We are ready."

"Go then," Voldemort commanded.

 _The group mounting the attack has just left._

 **The wedding reception has just started.**

Voldemort at length discussed the need for new recruits, and that he is quite interested in recruiting the older students in Slytherin - the 6th and 7th years. Alecto volunteered to assist in that matter. Snape said nothing. _My house gets the shit stick every damn time._

Yaxley apparated back into the room and many around the table jumped at the crack of his arrival, "Scrimgeour is dead!" He announced.

"Where is Potter being hidden?" Voldemort demanded.

"The Weasley home."

"Bring him to me! Bring your comrades with you."

Yaxley disappeared again.

 _Hermione, leave! Now, and take Potter and Weasley with you! Now!_

Her silence was deafening and terrifying, but he felt her fear sting his ring. He felt suddenly quite ill. Voldemort dismissed the remaining Death Eaters and Snape returned to the castle and paced in his office.

 _Hermione, please answer me._

Still, there was silence.

 _Hermione?_

He pressed his thumb to his ring. She was alive. He focused to find where she was. _Shaftesbury Avenue?_

He considered briefly going to look for her, but knew it would compromise both of them tremendously. He could tell she was still alive and relatively calm as he fidgeted with his ring.

 **Severus.**

 _Oh, Christ, Hermione, are you okay?_ He collapsed into the chair behind the giant desk and nearly vomited in relief.

 **Yes. We are in London. At a coffee shop.**

 _You must get off the streets. They will hunt you down._

 **We're working that out now.**

 _Go to Grimmauld Place._ Severus' mind was lightning quick.

She didn't respond again and he felt the burn of fear and danger from his ring. _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Christ, what do I do? Fuck._

He tangled his fists into his hair and pulled at it. He rocked back and forth for a moment and then hurled into a nearby waste bin. He quickly cleaned himself up and disposed of the bin with his wand and resumed pacing. _I can't lose her. I can't lose her. I can't lose her._ He pressed the ring again. _Still on Shaftesbury Avenus._

 **We were attacked. There is a trace on You-Know-Who's name. Did you know?**

 _No, but I should have. Are you hurt? What of Weasley and Potter?_

 **We're fine. I... had to wipe Dolohov's and Rowle's memories.**

 _I'm sorry, Hermione._

She did not respond again and he felt her location change while his thumb was pressed to the ring. Black's home. She was safe. _For now._

 **Did you know they jinxed this house to scare you away if you ever decided to come snooping?**

 _I jinxed that house._

 **What? When?**

 _Shortly after Dumbledore informed me I must kill him, before I asked you to be my Secret Keeper._

 **Why?**

 _I needed perspective, a sort of lighthouse in the storm. A reminder as to why I must stay in this hellhole position._

 **So you came here?**

 _Yes, I have so many fond places of that house and its owner, you know._

 **You're avoiding me.**

Severus reached deep into his robes and pulled out the photograph of Lily smiling and the end of a letter bearing her love and signature. He looked at them intently, and ran his thumb over the picture. For a moment, he debated whether or not to tell Hermione. He held Lily locked away in his soul, and he was indebted to her. Unsure that he'd ever stop loving her completely, he felt conflicted. She was gone. Hermione was not. At the time he took the items, he was alone, desperate, and searching for any reason not to kill himself. His motivations now had evolved, but still very much involved atoning for what he did to the Potter family.

 _I fear my reasons may upset you._

 **I highly doubt that.**

 _I went to that decrepit house to find something of Lily._

She was silent, but he felt her anxiety.

 _I was alone, desperate, and I was very much suicidal. I needed badly a reminder as to why I was doing what I was doing and why I must continue doing it._

 **What did you take?**

 _Does it matter?_

 **I'm not upset with you, but I'd like to know. She was someone you loved, or love still, and I think it's important to talk about her, and how you feel about her or felt about her. We can't just pretend she didn't exist.**

He breathed a sigh of relief. _You are wise beyond your years, Hermione. The understanding you show, the grace you give me, is beyond any I have ever known or could have ever imagined._

 **I love you, Severus.**

 _I took a photograph of her. It was one that had her, and James, and the boy in it, but I tore them out of it. She is smiling in the photograph. Black had a letter from her as well that she had signed "Love, Lily," and I tore that bit off as well._

 **So you took her smile and her love to carry with you?**

 _I suppose I did._

 **I understand. Do you still have them on you?**

He hesitated. _Yes._

 **Show me when are together next time.**

 _If you wish._

 **I do. We are going to try to sleep now, Sev. You should do the same.**

 _I should._ He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

 **I love you.**

 _And I love you._

He sat in the chair with his eyes closed reflecting on the conversation they had just had. Severus had assumed that she would be upset, or hurt, or jealous that had both taken those things from Black's home and that he still kept them on his person.

 _She is unlike anyone or anything I have ever known, and I will never deserve her._


	42. Chapter 42

Severus called a staff meeting to prepare for the upcoming school year. Term would begin, as usual, at the start of September.

The staff filed in silently, and then they sat around the long table in the meeting room on either side of the table. He watched each member intently. Nearly all of them avoided eye contact with him. He waited with his leg crossed over the other under the table and he sat fairly upright with his right arm stretched out in front of him on the worn wooden table.

"Good morning to all of you. I will endeavor to keep this as short as possible as I know you are all surely quite busy preparing for the upcoming school year," he tapped his pointer finger on the table.

"Amycus will be teaching the Dark Arts course this year, and his sister, Alecto, will be enlightening our students to Muggle Studies. As you may have guessed, these courses will not be similar at all to any courses we have taught here previously. This is why I have assigned my most trusted members of my staff to these subject areas," He used the full power of his enunciation and velvet voice.

"Moving forward, students are to wear full uniforms. In the past, at times, much to my dismay and to the dismay of the Dark Lord, this school has been lackadaisical in its dress code. Students are required to wear a white collared undershirt, a charcoal gray or black sweater or sweater vest, and the appropriate house tie. Male students must wear black pants and semi-formal to formal black shoes. Female students must wear a knee length black skirt with either knee high charcoal gray or black socks or black tights. The appropriate house robe must be worn at all times. This school will be run in a far more militant way under my administration. Uniforms are meant to be well-kept and shirt tails must remain tucked. You might find this petty, or unnecessary, but I assure you it is not, not to me and not to the Dark Lord. Uniforms are a sign of respect to house and school."

He looked around the table, "We will look as prestigious as this school is to become. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

Hearing nothing, he continued, "Finally, when moving about the school as a house, students will walk in rows in block formation. We anticipate a significant drop in enrollment this year, but we are confident it will pick back up after the Dark Lord has assumed control of our world, and after we have shown the rigorous curriculum we will be teaching and its effectiveness. This military coordinated movement style is designed to allow all staff the ability to maintain strict control of the students, to monitor student behavior fully, and to establish our authority as staff and establish their position as student. While many of you have no trouble in managing students, this will be mandatory at any time the houses are moving as a group."

He paused dramatically, "Are there any questions?" The room was silent, "Wonderful. Should you have questions, you may ask either myself or my deputy headmasters," Snape gestured to the Carrows.

"Not that we would be able to find you, Snape, with how scarce you make yourself," McGonagall glared at him, and the actress in her flashed behind her eyes. _Ah, yes. Establish yourself as my enemy._

"Minerva, my old rival, surely you should know headmasters are quite busy. Well, I suppose you might not, considering that, before I rid this school of him, all Dumbledore did was offer candy to everyone he came in contact with," He sneered.

The mention of Dumbledore's name had ruffled more than a few feathers and he could hear magic crackling across their bodies. None of them moved. None of them breathed. He turned on his heel and strode from the room, robes billowing after him.

His heels clicked behind him as he walked quickly to his office. Once there, he buried himself in his research about Horcruxes.

 **The locket was fake. Regulus Black had the real one, and he ordered Kreacher to destroy it. Kreacher obviously couldn't, so he hid it in the house instead. After we moved Harry to the Burrow, Mundungus Fletcher turned Grimmauld Place over and stole a great many things... including the locket.**

Severus sighed in frustration and wiped his hand down his face. _Of course he did. He's a slimy, thieving bastard, and he always has been. Bloody hell - it could be anywhere by now._

 **Harry told Kreacher to find Mundungus.**

 _Good. Kreacher is a crotchety being, but he is nothing if not determined. He will find him. In the meantime, I believe there may be a Horcrux related to each house._

 **Hmm. I will try to find objects that are important and symbolic to each of the houses and try to see when they were last seen...**

 _It is a broad task, but I'm working on it as well._

 **I miss you quite terribly. I'm stuck in the house with two brooding 17-year-old boys.**

 _I do not envy you, but I do envy them._

 **I do also miss your mouth on me. All over me.**

 _Christ, Granger. Is it warm in here?_ Snape pulled at his collar buttons.

 **You're no fun, Severus.**

 _Did you think I would be?_

 **Oh, yes. I had taken you for a dirty talker.** He could hear the smirk in her voice.

 _Mercy, girl. Mercy._

 **Fine.** He could practically see her huffing and crossing her arms.

 _I miss you, Hermione. In every way._

 **I will let you know when Kreacher finds Mundungus.**

 _Yes, please do._

 **I love you, Severus.**

 _I love you, Hermione. Oh, and one more thing..._

 **Yes?**

 _While you're waiting, do not think about my mouth all over your neck._

 **Bugger.**

He broke the connection and smirked. _It is definitely quite warm in here._ He adjusted his pants to hide his obvious arousal. _The girl will surely kill me._

He continued reading to calm his mind and body down. About an hour later, he was interrupted by a familiar and meddlesome voice.

"Severus, you suspect the houses each have a Horcrux?" Dumbledore's portrait spoke.

"Indeed," He said curtly, but he didn't turn to look at the man.

"You do know what Gryffindor's probably is then? Or should I say... who Gryffindor's probably is then..." His voice was filled with sadness, hopelessness, and regret.

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose, "For the sake of us all, I sincerely hope our suspicions are wrong. I am trying to find a way to spare the boy...To excise the part of the Dark Lord's soul inside of him."

"There is no other way, Severus," He said.

 _I know...Damn it, I know._


	43. Chapter 43

**Kreacher brought Mundungus Fletcher.**

 _Does he still have the locket?_

 **No.**

 _Who bought it off of him? Does he even know?_

 **He knows.**

 _Hermione..._

 **Umbridge. Fucking. Umbridge.**

 _Fucking hell. She works at the Ministry again. The wench is probably wearing the damned thing._

 **We have to go in and get it.**

 _Yes, please just walk in, Hermione. I am sure you will find the Undesirable #1, 2, and 3 poster pictures make being you a challenge to say the least._

 **Severus, you underestimate me. Or perhaps, you underestimate yourself. You gave me several Polyjuice Potions.**

 _So I did. I'll admit, I am a bit concerned with your fascination with that particular brew. Is this a fetish of yours?_

 **Oh, yes, you've figured me out, Professor. Now, will you finally turn yourself into Hagrid and take me?**

 _I might vomit._

 **We need to corner three employees. We have a plan.**

 _Let me go into the Ministry first and find Umbridge. If she's wearing it, you go ahead with your plan. If she isn't, give me time to find it._

 **I'm going a bit stir crazy, Sev.**

 _Gryffindor adrenaline junkie, yes?_

 **Not exactly. You try spending days and days with Harry and Ronald in one house.**

 _Truthfully, I think I would prefer holiday decorating with Hooch._

 **Touché.**

 _I'll go to the Ministry now._

 **Be careful.**

 _Always._

He flooed to the Ministry. Heads turned as the Hogwarts Headmaster walked through the Ministry of Magic. _What the bloody hell am I going to say I'm here for?_

It didn't take long to find his target. _That hideous pink in a sea of gray._

"Dolores," He said smoothly.

She turned to see him and pinched her lips together in what was supposed to, probably, be a smile, "Snape."

He stepped back a bit from her, her perfume really was suffocating, looked around the crowd and then back to her face and glanced downward without moving his eyes and then back toward the crowd. _She's wearing the fucking Horcrux._

"I was wondering if you might be able to ship some of those Undesirable posters to Hogwarts? Just the ones of loose students, of course. I want to... set a tone, if you will."

She hiccuped in a way she did when she 'laughed' and said, "Oh, yes, of course. Surely, you didn't come all the way here to ask for those posters?" She raised an eyebrow.

He inclined his head and held his hands behind his back, "No, I have an errands to take care of - final preparations for the arrival of the students - and I figured I might as well stop in here," He shrugged.

"I see. Well, yes, I will send those posters over immediately."

He nodded, "Thank you."

"How are things at Hogwarts?" She asked in an awkward attempt to continue the conversation, as if they had not bumped heads for an entire school year.

"The school year is about to begin and I am confident it will go in a way that will please the Dark Lord," He looked down his nose at her.

She visibly trembled, "I certainly... hope so," She squirmed, and he took his leave. _Disgusting little troll of a woman._

He left the Ministry and headed to Diagon Alley to keep appearances in case he was being watched. Again, more staring. Snape was rarely seen at Hogwarts, where he was Headmaster, let alone outside of the school. He ducked in and out of several stores, made small purchases - textbooks, potion ingredients - and made his way back to Hogwarts.

Once there, he contacted Hermione.

 _The toad is wearing the locket around her damn neck._

 **Shit.**

 _Indeed._

 **We have found three targets for the Polyjuice Potions.**

 _Be careful._

 **Aren't we always?**

 _No. Rarely ever._

"Severus, what is the next move?"

"Did you forget that you opted out on this part of the plan?" He snapped.

"I did no such thing. I merely chose to help in a different form."

"How convenient," He sneered.

"Severus..."

"How about this, old man," He said dangerously, hatred etched in his face, "When or if I require your help, I will come to you."

He yanked a Slytherin sigil from the wall and placed it over Dumbledore's portrait, "Leave me alone. For once."

 **We've taken the potions, and we're headed to the Ministry.**

 _She is Head of the Muggle-born Registration Commitee._

 **Lovely!**

 _Quite. I believe it is on one of the lower floors. Keep your head down and keep moving._

He paced as he waited for information from her, picking at his fingers behind his back until they bled in places. He could feel her anxiety vibrating his ring, and he was confident hers was doing the same.

 **She's in the bloody elevator with me. Ron had to get off on a different floor. Harry, too.**

 _Stay focused. Potter and Weasley will find you. They always do._

It was probably 20 minutes before he heard from her again.

 **Ron's here. Umbridge is interrogating Ron's wife about her blood status. Well... not his wife. You know what I mean.**

 _No sign of Potter yet?_

 **No.**

He scratched at his head nervously and his pacing quickened.

 **Harry's here. This psychotic woman has probably a hundred dementors above all of us. We are so fucked.**

 _Stay calm, woman. Panic will make the potion wear off faster because you'll speed up your metabolism._

 **Calm? Says you. I feel my ring burning.**

 _Focus!_

Suddenly, he felt the burn of danger on his finger. His world was silent and his heart lurched.

 **We're fucked, Severus. I've got the locket, but my potion and Harry's wore off. Ron's hasn't yet.**

 _Fuck. When you get to the Floo hall, try to blend in. You will, most likely, be spotted, and when that happens, run. Together. Apparate back to Black's. Do not get yourself caught, girl._

He felt the panic vibrating his hand and he waited. Panic turned to danger. _They've been spotted._

He felt a moment of relief in his hand, but then danger as he hadn't before. Then, panic again.

 **Severus! Yaxley had hold of me. I had to separate him from us, but Ron got splinched!**

 _Dittany! How badly is he splinched?_

 **To the first layer of muscle - on his shoulder and upper arm.**

 _Be generous with the Dittany. You have several vials. Relax, Hermione. He will be fine. Do not stay in any one place too long. He will not be able to apparate for probably two weeks. You will need to move on foot. Every two days would be safest. Put the wards up. Now._

 **Okay.**

There was silence. It was a comfortable silence. The panic he sensed was disappearing slowly.

 _She is safe. She is safe. She is safe. For now._


	44. Chapter 44

**Severus, we can't destroy it. It's destroying us.**

 _How do you mean?_

 **It's destroying us!** She was obviously in quite a terrible mood. **We can't wear it for any length of time or the person wearing it starts being horrible to the others.**

 _It is dark magic..._

 **Yes, you git, I had worked that part out for myself, thanks very much. If you have anything useful to say, now would be the time before we start moving again.**

 _Are you wearing it?_

 **Yes, Snape!**

 _Take it off._

 **Bugger off, bat.**

 _Hermione... I am normally quite impassive to insults hurled at me, but you are a different case, and you... you are hurting me. I don't take kindly to name calling..._

 **Shit. I'm sorry, Severus. I gave it back to Harry.**

 _I... Okay._

 **I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it. That thing is evil. It's evil. It makes you say things and feel things...**

 _Clearly._

 **Are you okay?**

 _I do not wish to fight with you, even if it's under the influence of dark magic from a Horcrux and disingenuous._ He agonized at the names, broke at the tone.

 **I'm sorry.**

 _I feel that I am being sensitive, but I... I have not seen you in weeks. It...hurts to not see you. It just... compounds._

 **I know. I'm hurting too. I'm... sorry, Severus.**

"Severus, the Carrows are beating the students again," Phineas spoke and interrupted his thoughts.

Without thinking to close the conversation with Hermione, he broke the connection and made his way hastily to Dark Arts classroom. When he arrived, he saw Amycus Carrow bent over a student with his fist in their robes. His other fist hauled back.

Snape interrupted loudly, "Amycus! What have we discussed about student punishment!" His voice was cold.

Amycus let go of the student. Ginerva Weasley. Her cheek was bruised and she had a cut on her lip. _Fuck._ He felt nauseous as he looked at her face.

"Headmaster, this blood-traitor was saying nasty things about you. Surely, exceptions can be made," Amycus smirked.

Snape raised an eyebrow and looked at Ginny, "Was she now? How very interesting. Regardless, magical blood is not to be needlessly spilled. Leave her to me, Amycus," And then he was alone with the only Weasley daughter. _She probably thinks I'm going to kill her or assault her in other ways._

"Can you stand, Miss Weasley?" He looked down at her.

She snarled at him and swiped at the tears on her face. She said nothing.

"Good. Follow me," He commanded. He slowed his pace to allow her to keep up with him. She swatted at the tears she couldn't stop from rolling down her cheeks. _Poor girl._

 **Severus, are you angry with me?**

 _No. I am otherwise engaged. We will speak later._

When they arrived in his office, he instructed her to sit. She didn't. She stood there, fighting her tears, with her arms crossed. He rummaged through his stores and pulled out a vial, what looked like chapstick, and a small circular container.

"Miss Weasley," His voice was quiet and he wiped his palm over his face, holding the other items in his free hand, "I am sorry for what just occurred."

"No, you're not," She growled at him, "You'd do the same thing given the chance!"

He shook his head slowly, "Whether you believe me or not, I detest physical abuse of any kind, especially of women."

She narrowed her eyes, "You just like emotional abuse then?"

"Touché," He said softly. He set down the items in a row on his desk.

"This," He pointed to the vial, "Is for the pain and inflammation. This," His hand moved to the circular container, "Is a bruise salve. It will heal the bruise quite quickly after one application. And this," He pointed to the small chapstick-like cylinder, "Is for the cuts on your lip and cheek." He flicked his wrist and a charmed mirror appeared on the wall next to her, "Fix yourself," He said and leaned against the side of the desk facing away from her.

"Why are you doing this, Snape?" She spat.

"I have already told you." _Girl, please just do as I have told you and leave me to vomit in peace. This guilt is... too much._

She was silent and he looked at her over his shoulder. She was staring at the fake Sword of Gryffindor in the glass case on the wall. _It's a fake, girl._ Her eyes snapped to the items on his desk when she noticed him watching her.

She moved to the desk, drank the first vial, and carried the other two to the mirror. After about a minute, she set the two back on the desk.

He turned to face her, observed her face, and nodded toward the two items, "Keep them."

She looked at him strangely, but slipped the two containers into her robe pocket.

"You will serve detention for a week."

She groaned "Why? He beat me!"

"Yes, and you will do well to avoid both of them. Professor McGonagall will monitor your detentions."

She looked genuinely surprised, "What?"

"You heard me, Miss Weasley. Go," He nodded toward the door.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you being... nice?" She nearly choked on the word. _Of course she did._

"I am not a nice man. It is in your best interest if you tell no one," He said dangerously.

She shivered, "Okay. I... I won't."

"You better not, or I will not be so... 'nice' next time," He threatened and stood up straight, rising to his full height.

She nodded and left him alone. He slouched against his desk and put his hands over his face, stressed and defeated. He did not see her glance at him as she left and did not see the tremendous confusion on her face.

 _God, help me. I am not strong enough for this._


	45. Chapter 45

_These fucking Carrows are going to drive me over the edge._ Severus walked back toward his office after dealing with another physical disciplinary incident. This time it was Seamus Finnigan. He punished the boy much the same as he had Weasley, and he instructed Finnigan to find Ginny and ask her to use the items she "purchased" to heal himself as well.

As he entered his office, he was surprised to find Neville, Luna, and Ginny in his office attempting to steal the fake Sword of Gryffindor.

He leaned against the doorframe and sneered, "My, my. What have we here?"

"It isn't yours, Snape!" Neville growled.

"Tsk tsk, Mr. Longbottom. The sword belongs to the school, and I run this school," Snape nodded toward the glass cabinet, "Put it back, boy."

Neville sized Snape up and, realizing he stood no real chance against him even if Snape was outnumbered three to one, sighed in defeat. He turned toward the cabinet. Ginny scowled at Snape and Lovegood avoided his gaze.

"You know, Miss Lovegood, I am most surprised to find you here. Gryffindors are foolish and reckless, but Ravenclaws are not," He said lowly.

Lovegood said nothing. Nor did the other two, "Detention with Hagrid for a week. Get. Out," His voice was every bit as intimidating as it had ever been.

They looked to each other in confusion, but hurried out.

 **Ron left.**

 _Left?_

 **He got jealous of the relationship I have with Harry. We're just friends, but the Horcrux preys on insecurities.**

 _Is there a reason for him to be jealous? I thought boundaries were made clear._

 **They were! It's the bloody Horcrux!!!**

 _I will find out how to destroy them._

After four days of endless research, Severus sighed in total defeat. He stood up and walked toward the wall to his right.

"Dumbledore!" Severus yanked the sigil off of his portrait.

"Oh, you find need of me now, Severus?"

"How do they destroy the Horcruxes? Hermione said they have tried many curses. They don't work," His voice was filled with frustration, "From what I've read, they can only be destroyed with magic as deadly and strong as the stuff used to create them."

"That is correct, Severus."

"The method of destruction must be stronger than the method of creation. But... What would be stronger than murder and tearing one's soul?"

"It couldn't be anything human. I intended Harry to have the Sword of Gryffindor because that sword is goblin-made. It will only take in that which makes it stronger. For example, Basilisk venom..."

"The sword can be used to destroy the Horcruxes?"

"Yes."

"I must take them the sword. That locket is tearing them apart."

"Take it, but remember... The sword can only be reached under conditions of valor and need."

"I fucking know, Albus. It's the most Gryffindor thing on the damn planet," He growled.

"You'll need to take the fake sword and put it somewhere safe."

"Oh, I fully intend to give Bellatrix the honor of having the 'sword' in her vault for safe keeping. It will be delightful to see her discover it is a fake."

"Perhaps it will."

Snape pulled his traveling cloak on and reached for the concealed compartment behind his desk. He took out the sword and hid it within his undectably extended bag.

"You must not be seen. By any of them," Dumbledore attempted to scold him.

"What exactly do you plan to do about it, Albus, if I should see Hermione?" He sneered, "You are now a portrait," Snape's chuckle was dark.

"Severus," Dumbledore started, "You have no business seeing the girl."

"My business is my own. If I want to fuck her against a tree, and she consents, I will," Severus' smirk was lethal. _God, the vulgarity is so worth seeing the look on his face._

He covered Dumbledore's portrait.

Phineas appeared again, "Severus, the mudblood..."

"DON'T say that word!" Snape snapped.

"The Granger girl, then, is staying in the Forest of Dean. She has one of my portraits in her bag."

"Does she?" _How odd._

Phineas nodded and Snape returned the gesture.

 _I'm coming, Hermione. I have the Sword of Gryffindor. I must get it to Potter._

 **He's on watch right now. Hopefully, he isn't sleeping.**

 _I'll lead him with my patronus. He'll trust that. It's the same as his mother's. He cannot see me._

 **I know, but can I?**

 _Please see me. I beg you._

The thought of seeing Hermione had him feeling like a school boy. He was nervous, his palms were sweaty, and he was shaking slightly. He apparated to the location he felt in his ring. He was outside of the barrier, but their intimacy allowed him to sense her magic. He slipped in and out of the trees until he caught sight of Potter, who had taken a step outside the barrier to stretch his legs, and then disappeared back inside it. _Idiot boy_. Moving backward, he looked for something that would allow Potter to act valiantly in order to reach the sword.

He saw a frozen pond. He warmed a spot in the ice, dropped the sword into the pond, and froze it again. _Nice night for a swim._ After he stepped off the pond, he erased any trace of his footsteps. Snape walked back to where he had apparated.

 _Hermione. Come to me._

She did. Quickly. She slammed into him hard enough to knock him backward into the rough bark on the tree that he was hiding behind.

He held a finger to his lips, cast his Patronus wordlessly and commanded the beautiful silver doe to lead Potter to the sword. She walked off slowly and gracefully.

He cast muffilato and whispered, "Hermione..."

She looked at him, "That was Harry's mum's patronus? And it's yours too, still?"

He swallowed and looked away from her. He nodded once. _I'm sorry it's still her..._

She pulled his face to look at her and crushed his mouth in a desperate kiss. His hands were on her hips pulling her closer to him. He kissed her passionately, but moved away too soon. He buried his face into her neck and cried. _I can't do this anymore._

"I can't do this anymore. I can't do this. It's too much. They're abusing the students, hitting them, I can't... I can't be apart from you. I can't do this," His resolve crumbled and he shook in her arms.

"We can do this, Severus. We must be strong," Her voice wavered as her own emotions overwhelmed her, "We can do this. We must be strong. I believe in you. I know that you can do this. You are so strong -and so brave."

He cried harder and squeezed her to him. He jumped at the sound of voices in nereby trees.

"Ron," Hermione whispered, "He's come back!"

"Of course he did. You are, after all, the Golden Trio," Severus sighed.

She looked at him sadly and stroked his face with her hand. An explosion behind them near where the voices had come from made them both jump. He took her hand and led her toward the boys. They hid behind a tree where they could see the two.

"KILL IT, RON!" Potter was screaming, "KILL IT!"

They peeked around the tree to see Ronald rushing through the cloud of darkness. He heaved the sword over his head and brought it down on the locket with all of his might. The death of the Horcrux knocked both the young boys off of their feet.

"Come," He whispered to Hermione and walked her back to their original meeting place.

"I must go. They will come back looking for you soon."

"I know," Her tears began to fall again. His did too.

"I need you, Hermione. I need you. I cannot do this without you..."

"You're not alone anymore, Severus," She whispered against his chest.

"I love you," His voice vibrated her ear.

"I love you," She turned her beard as she heard Ron and Harry's voice getting closer. Dawn was coming. The woods were lightening.

"Go," She looked at his dark eyes once more.

He disapparated and his heart was torn out of his chest once more and left with her. He cried once he was back at Hogwarts, but composed himself thinking of the progress they had made.

 _The diary. The ring. The locket. Three down. Four to go..._


	46. Chapter 46

**We are going to Godric's Hollow, Severus.**

 _Why?_

 **Harry and I think there might be clues there. There's a symbol in the book Dumbledore left me, and Godric's Hollow is a pretty significant location for Voldemort.**

 _I highly doubt he would have a Horcrux lying about the place where he nearly died, Hermione._

 **I don't think those are the only reasons Harry wants to go. He's...never been there.**

 _Oh._

 **Have you been? I have heard there is a memorial. His parents are buried there.**

 _I'm aware._

 **You've been there?**

 _Yes._

 **When?**

 _Hermione... This is a terrible conversation topic and it's significantly souring my mood._

 **You're always sour. When?**

 _That night._

 **Right after?**

 _Yes. I was with Dumbledore when it happened. He received the news nearly immediately._

 **I'm sorry.**

 _That night was, to this day, the worst of my life, Hermione._

 **Okay. I'll leave it alone.**

 _Thank you. Be careful there. It is a pleasant enough neighborhood, but nowhere is safe anymore._

 **Okay.**

He didn't hear from her for awhile, but he felt the location on his ring and she was, indeed, in Godric's Hollow. His stomach burned as he thought of her seeing the destruction of the house, the gravestones. These things were his fault directly. If not for him... _Fuck._

 **Severus...**

 _Yes?_

 **This is... horrible.**

 _Yes. That...that is what I did to them._

 **You cannot blame yourself. It wasn't entirely your fault. You didn't kill them.**

 _I can, and I will blame myself. I may not have cast the curse, but I might as well have._

 **The symbol from the book, and the letter from Dumbledore to Grindelwald... It's on the grave here. It's Ignotus Peverell.**

 _The Peverell brothers were rumored to be the root of the story of The Three Brothers. That particular tale should be in the book you were given by Dumbledore._

 **Yes. It is. Harry saw Xenophilius Lovegood wearing the the symbol around his neck as some sort of necklace at Bill and Fleur's wedding.**

 _I will speak to Miss Lovegood. What is the symbol?_

 **It's a triangle, a line down the middle, and a circle. The line and the circle are contained within the triangle.**

 _I will find her._

Snape set out to find Filius. When he found him, he seemed quite frantic.

"Filius, I need to speak with Miss Lovegood. Can you fetch her for me, or do you know where I might find the girl?"

"Headmaster..." Filius pulled at his collar, "She's gone."

Severus narrowed his eyes at him, glanced around, and then gestured to the door to his office behind him. Once inside, he secured the room.

"What the fuck do you mean by gone, Filius?"

"She's fucking gone, Severus! She missed classes and that's unusual. I went looking for her, asking students... Nothing," His face was filled with worry.

"We will find her. In the meantime, keep up appearances that it is normal. Perhaps she left of her own accord."

"You and I both know that isn't true, Severus."

Snape, with his back to Filius and his hand on the doorknob, hung his head briefly, sighed, and whispered, "I know."

 _Hermione, she's gone._

 **Luna?**

 _Yes._

 **Severus, I think we're being followed here.**

 _By?_

 **Harry thinks it's Bathilda Bagshot.**

 _Do not follow her. Bagshot was killed over a week ago by the Dark Lord. Get out of there. Now. Seek out Lovegood's father._

 **Okay.**

Snape's arm burned. _Of. Fucking. Course. The beast has impeccable timing._

He apparated to Malfoy Manor and found himself alone with Voldemort. _Fuck me._

"Severus, how are you, my faithful servant?"

"I am well, my Lord. And you?" Snape bowed slightly.

"As am I. I am curious as to how things are going at Hogwarts. My understanding is that you have inspired quite a reformation," He smiled.

"Indeed, my Lord. I believe the school will please you."

"I am sure it well. Your record in pleasing me is quite astounding really," The smile stretched wider.

"Thank you, my Lord. I do, however, have an issue."

Voldemort's face dropped slightly, "With?"

"The Carrow siblings. In addition to being an absolute nuisance and horrendous professors, they are physically punishing the students. Every year. Ages 11-18."

Voldemort's face turned to one of disgust, "We both had instructed them not to harm them. Magical blood is too precious. If I am to be perceived as the merciful Lord that I am, the students must be largely unharmed after the school year." _Merciful? We must define that particular word differently._

"I quite agree, my Lord," Snape held his hands behind his back.

"I will deal with them, Severus. Thank you for informing me of their disobedience."

"Of course, my Lord. There is one more thing. I intend to stow the Sword of Gryffindor in Bellatrix LeStrange's vault at Gringott's. I caught three students trying to steal it. Bellatrix's vault would be, probably, the exact last place anyone would look for Godric Gryffindor's sword."

"I am sure the attempted thieves were punished?"

"Oh, yes," Severus' face darkened.

"I will enlighten Bellatrix of her new...deposit," Voldemort smirked, "You may go, Severus."

As he walked toward the steps, a flash of white hair caught his eye. He glanced down to the cellar. He saw a dirty and slightly thinner Luna Lovegood. She looked relatively unharmed.

"Lovegood, my Lord?"

"Yes. She is here in hopes her father will give me information I seek. He also has been too vocal in support of Harry Potter for my liking."

"Indeed."

"Don't worry, Severus. She is pureblood. It's just a threat. Daddy's little girl will get me what I desire," He said as he walked away with his back to Snape.

Snape glanced at Luna again. His face dropped and he nearly lost what little lunch he had eaten.

Snape arrived back at the castle. _Now to deal with that fake sword._

 **We're going to Luna's father now.**

 _Good._

He retrieved the fake sword, and apparated to Diagon Alley. He was, again, stared at. There were whispers all around him. _Fuck._ He straightened himself out and reminded the passers-by just who they were gawking at. People stepped out of his way in fear.

He strode into Gringotts and his robes billowed after him. Approaching the Head Goblin, he garnered significant attention from the other employees.

"Headmaster," The Head Goblin greeted him.

"Good afternoon," He said confidently, "I wish to make a deposit in Bellatrix LeStrange's vault."

The Head Goblin motioned for Snape to follow him. Once they were in a more private area, the goblin asked, "What do you wish to deposit, Headmaster?"

Snape pulled the sword out from inside his robes, "This."

The goblin looked at the sword quickly, and then narrowed his eyes at Severus. _He knows it's fake. Of course he does._

The goblin said nothing about the authenticity of the sword, "if you would accompany me to Madam LeStrange's vault?"

"Of course."

The ride in the terribly uncomfortable cart was less than five minutes. _Thankfully. My back is in no condition to sit in this for much longer._ He adjusted himself in the cart while the goblin took the sword inside. When he returned, he smiled, "Consider that a receipt of deposit."

"Lovely," Snape drawled. Snape apparated back into his office and, as he went to put his travelling cloak back on the coat hanger, his ring flamed with danger.

 _Hermione!?_

No reply. He felt for a location. _Lovegood's. Then the Forest of Dean._

His ring was silent. Calm. Then, it burned again.

 _Hermione!!_

There was no reply. She was still in the Forest of Dean. Within a minute, she connected with him.

 **Snatchers!**

 _Fuck. Fuck._ Snape slid his hands across his desk violently and threw everything off to the side. He pounded the desk with his fists.

 _I will come for you._

 **They're taking us to Malfoy Manor, Severus! They think it's Harry. I hit him with a stinging jinx, but they still think it's him.**

 _I will come for you._ He beat his fists against his desk again. _Fuck!_

 **Please come, Severus. Please.**

Her pleading undid everything inside of him. He apparated in a frenzy. His heart raced. _This is where it ends for me. This is where it ends._

He could hear her screaming from outside the mansion and quickened his pace. Her screams cut him like a thousand razor blades so much so that he nearly doubled over at hearing her. He could hear Potter and Weasley screaming for her and, as he walked up the stairs, he glanced down to the cellar. Potter and Weasley were screaming for her, and then at him.

Bellatrix was on top of Hermione and was carving her poisoned blade into Hermione's arm. Hermione was crying, screaming, writhing. Her neck was cut, but not deeply enough to bleed much. She made eye contact with him and he nearly vomited.

He straightened himself up and cleared his throat, "Well, well, Bella. I had hoped to talk to you about a deposit I made in your vault this afternoon, but this looks far more delightful," He said sadistically.

Bellatrix frowned, "Yes, well, this bitch stole it from my vault not hours after you put it there, Snape!" She poked Hermione under the chin with the blade.

"Bella, must I remind you that the girl has been promised to me?" He said and raised his eyebrow, "I am sure, as a man, I can use... other means... To extract information from her." Potter and Weasley knew what he had implied and Hermione screamed. _Good girl. I will get you out._ The boys screamed louder.

Bellatrix grinned crazily, "I suppose I could play with the boys, Severus. I have a hunch that the dark haired boy is Potter."

"If that is indeed a stinging jinx, which it looks to be, wait until it has worn off. We must be sure it's him before we call the Dark Lord. I have no intention of dying today." _Actually, I'm fairly positive I will die here._

"Bring me the ginger!" Bellatrix yelled.

She moved off of Hermione and Snape grabbed her roughly by the arm. _Don't stop screaming._

She obeyed, but probably not because she was really listening to him.

"Silence, you stupid girl!" He threw her roughly into the bedroom next to the living area where Bellatrix was. _Scream. Push me._

She did as she was told and he bellowed, "Silence!" And silenced the door from their side. They could hear Ron screaming, "Snape!!!"

He held Hermione's face in his hands as she collapsed against him. They slid down the door together and he held her, cried with her.

"Oh, my God," He whispered and rocked her back and forth. He examined her neck, the bruise on her cheek. Her trembling let on that Bellatrix had used the Cruciatus Curse. Blood was dripping off her fingertips. He pulled up her sleeve, but she yanked her arm away.

"Let me see," He said softly. He pulled up her sleeve and saw 'mudblood' carved into her forearm. Rage and hatred boiled inside his blood. His magic crackled across his skin.

"You will not harm Harry Potter!" They both recognized the voice. _Dobby._

"Stun my leg, Hermione, and then run. Get to Dobby. He can get you out of here. I will find you. I will come to you," He pressed his lips to her forehead in bruising force and pulled her to her feet.

"Do it," She raised her trembling arm and hexed his thigh. His leg buckled under him. She ran screaming from the room. _Run._

"Hermione!" Potter stuck out his hand to her as Snape limped after her quickly. She reached Potter's hand. Bellatrix chucked her knife at them as they disapparated.

"I'll go where the Snatchers found them! Find them, dammit! Spread out! Look everywhere!" Snape bellowed and disapparated.

He did not go to the forest. He touched his ring, followed it, and fell hard on a beach. When he looked up, Potter was cradling Dobby, and Ron was over Hermione, who was limp on the beach. The goblin, Ollivander, and Lovegood stood behind them. Dobby fell. Died. _Hermione._ He moved toward her and Potter saw him.

"Snape!!!" Potter screamed. All eyes turned to Severus. Harry was on his feet in an instant and charged for Severus. Snape propelled them all backward away from Hermione. He picked Hermione up with one arm and pulled at her bag with his free hand.

"You're going to be alright," He said quietly. _Please be okay. Please be okay._

A hand grabbed his shoulder, spun him, and a fist connected with his face. He fell away from Hermione.

He touched his jaw and glared at Potter, "Lovely, Potter. If you would be so kind as to fucking wait until I save your friend from Bellatrix's poisonous knife to kill me, it would be most helpful! She will die if you don't let me help!"

Harry staggered backward toward his friends and looked at Hermione in horror. _She's so pale. So pale. So pale. Fuck. Don't die, girl. Don't die._

The tears fell down his cheeks and his hands shook. He summoned both the uncommon poisons and common poisons antidotes.

"Open your mouth, Hermione. Just a bit. Please," He begged. He was aware of all the eyes on him.

He dropped both antidotes into her mouth, "Swallow, Hermione. Please, swallow," His voice cracked in panic and he clutched her to him. The combination of antidotes would wreak havoc on her body.

 _Please, please, please, please. Wake up. Wake up. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me. Please, don't leave me. Please, wake up. Fucking wake up._

She jerked in his arms and he gasped and pulled her closer. He picked her up in his arms. He turned to see Potter, Weasley, and Lovegood clutching each other crying. Ollivander was sitting on the beach with the goblin next to him half-unconscious from torture and exhaustion.

"We need to get her inside," Snape demanded, "I don't care what you do with me after. Just let me help her. Please," He begged.

The boys ran toward the cottage and opened the door for him as he carried Hermione's limp body. _Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay._ Luna stayed back to help the other two.

Weasley opened a bedroom door and he laid her down gently on the bed. He felt her forehead. She was sweating and burning up. _Good. The antidote is working._ Luna burst into the room. He turned her head and put the strongest healing salve on the cut on her neck.

He rolled up her sleeve. The teenagers in the room gasped at the wound, the word, and looked away. The boys wiped their eyes and Lovegood looked ill. Gritting his teeth, he applied the salve gently. Opening a bruising salve, he dipped his thumb into the paste and rubbed it on her cheek. Instantly, the bruising started healing.

He put his hands down in his lap and stared at her.

"Will she live?" Potter said weakly.

 _Yes. Yes. Yes._ "Yes," He said softly.

Potter had moved and Snape hadn't noticed. His wand stabbed into Snape's neck just under Severus' jaw, "I told you I don't care what you do with me. So go on. Do it. I'm as good as dead anyway now," He said weakly.

"Se... Severus," Hermione's voice was weak and she coughed. She winced at the pain. _The poison. The Cruciatus Curse._

Ronald blurted, "Severus? What in the bloody fucking hell is going on here, Snape!?" He moved toward Snape and Harry's wand jabbed into his neck even harder. Snape put his hands up and made no further movements.

"Harry, no," Hermione said and looked at him. _She looks so tired and weak. So very weak._

"I'm his Secret Keeper," She said. _Fuck me. I am so fucking fucked._

"What the FUCK!?" Ron bellowed.

"Tomorrow. We can talk tomorrow. Let me rest... Please... Don't hurt him... Trust me..." She said as a tears fell from her eyes closed, "Please..." She begged.

Potter and Weasley looked at each other; their faces somewhere between vomiting on him and killing him. _Preferably the latter._

Luna spoke evenly and as dreamy as ever, "Harry. Ron. Hermione has told us as much as she can right now. We must trust her, right? She is our friend," She looked from the boys to Snape, "She will explain everything tomorrow. Then, we can decide what to do with Professor Snape."

He glared at her. Potter and Weasley looked from Luna to Snape.

"A word," Harry spat at him, "Once you finish helping her."

Snape sighed and nodded.

"If you put your greasy hands on her, I'll kill you with my bare hands, Snape," Weasley growled. _I highly doubt that, you idiot boy._

Snape's face contorted in rage, but he said nothing. The door shut behind Weasley and Severus' hand instantly went to the top of Hermione's head.

"How are you feeling?"

"Horrible," She mumbled.

"I will give you Dreamless Sleep. You need rest. The antidotes and salves will do the rest. You must rest."

"Thank you. For coming..." She coughed again.

"Always," He said and a sad smile spread across his face, "I thought I lost you," He choked on the words and the smile disappeared.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of, Severus."

"Good," He said, "Take this." She did so as he helped to hold her head up off the pillow, "I must go speak with your...friends. You must rest," He said and leaned down to kiss her forehead.

He pulled the blanket over her body, "I love you, girl."

He walked toward the door and heard her sleepy reply, "Love you, Sev."

 _I am a dead man walking. I am fucked. I am fucked._


	47. Chapter 47

He walked down the creaking wooden stairs and saw the three sitting at the work table.

"Where are the others?"

"In two bedrooms upstairs resting," Luna said cordially.

"Whose house is this?"

"Bill's," Ron snapped at him.

"Keep them away, Weasley. The less people that know you're here, the better."

Ron rose from the table and fury painted the contours of his face, "I don't think you're in any position to make demands, Snape!"

"Listen, Weasley," Severus voice was deadly, "I can't tell you a fucking thing. Hermione must. I have no desire to have a conversation with either of you. Miss Lovegood, you at least have more than three brain cells. Regardless, I am in no mood to chat. I have to report to the Dark Lord that I couldn't fucking find you imbeciles. Do not stick even a toe out that door. I will be back in the morning," He turned to leave.

Potter stood and grabbed Severus' arm roughly, "Hang on!"

Snape pushed him backward hard, "Don't get too with me comfortable, Potter. I will return in the morning," He snapped at them, "If I'm still alive." His magic sparked across his cloak.

Harry's green eyes flashed in fear as he watched the magic move across Snape's body, "How do we know you will return?"

He shrugged and sneered, "You don't. She will know if I die. Don't fucking touch her. Let her rest. If you fuck up her recovery in any way, I will personally kill the both of you. Slowly. Painfully," The threat was so real they stepped backward.

He left the house and disapparated to the Malfoy's. Voldemort was furious. When Snape arrived, he closed in on him quickly, "Did you find them, Severus?" He hissed.

"No, my Lord. I searched much of the forest. I found nothing. Nothing. They must have gone somewhere else," Snape hung his head in defeat and submission.

Voldemort's Cruciatus Curse hit him and he collapsed to his knees. It was over as quickly as it had started.

"I am unsure how none of you here were able to find them!" He growled and cursed them sporadically. He hit Severus again and Snape bit his tongue hard and tasted blood.

With a loud crack, Voldemort disappeared. Bellatrix rushed up into Snape's face, "How the fuck did she stun you, Snape?"

"Well, Bellatrix, a knee to my crotch hurts just as badly as a well placed kick to yours," He spat, "And the girl is, apparently, competent in nonverbal magic."

Bellatrix glared at him, and stuck up her nose, "You're pathetic, Snape. Get out of my family's home."

"Gladly," He glowered and left immediately. He was back at Hogwarts in his office and collapsed in the chair.

"Severus..." Dumbledore's voice was quiet.

He looked at the portrait and then buried his face in his hands.

"Severus... What happened?"

"I am so fucked, Albus," He croaked.

"What happened?"

"Snatchers. They caught them. Took them to the Malfoy's. Bellatrix... She... She had Hermione. Carving that... That word into her arm. I couldn't leave her, Albus. I couldn't. The knife is poisonous. She was dying. I followed her when they escaped. I... I had to save her. Potter and Weasley saw me. I am exposed. I am fucked."

"Is she alive?"

"Yes," He wheezed.

"This can be navigated," Dumbledore said calmly.

"How?! I am fucked, Dumbledore! The boy has a direct connection to the Dark Lord's mind that he cannot control."

"Hermione told them she's your Secret Keeper?"

"Yes," He nodded sadly.

"Then it is protected. Your presence will be protected. Voldemort cannot access it."

"She didn't tell them until after I saved her."

"It matters not," Albus pulled his glasses from his face, "As soon as she uttered the words, your relationship to them, your presence, is protected."

 _...I... I got away with it?_

"You need to speak with your House Heads. They must be aware. This will be the catalyst that propels the war to our front doorstep more quickly. It is late. I will wake them. They must not be seen by the Carrows."

Snape said nothing. He was lost in his anxieties and thoughts.

Within 15 minutes, all four House Heads stood before him in their pajamas.

"Severus..." Minerva spoke first as they took in his broken posture, dirty, and disheveled appearance.

Albus explained. Severus heard... nothing. _I got away with it?_

"Severus?" Ponoma's voice was soft, but it broke him out of his trance.

He looked at her, at all of them, as if he was just noticing they were present.

"What do we do, Albus?" Slughorn asked.

"We wait. Severus must return to them in the morning. I am... afraid that things will start moving quite rapidly at this point. It is... all downhill from here, I fear," His voice was serious yet disarmingly calm.

They nodded and Albus spoke again, "Keep your private rooms warded heavily. When I hear from Severus, I will speak with each of you."

Slughorn spoke then directly to Snape, "We are with you, Severus."

Flitwick said murmured his assent. Pomona approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder. He shivered and she spoke comfortingly as he trembled under her gentle hand, "We will get you through this. We will win this, Severus." She patted his shoulder and moved away. The three left and Minerva stood in front of him.

He stood and limped around the front of his desk, his body quivering in the aftermath of the curse, "Are you still here so you can scold me?" He sounded like boy he had been when she first met him.

Her reply was so quiet he had to strain to hear her, "You saved her."

He looked at her face. She was crying. It undid whatever resolve he had left and he was sobbing. She approached him and wrapped her arms around him in a way he always wanted from his mother.

"You saved her, Severus. Sweet boy," She whispered to him.

She allowed him to cry for a minute or two before pulling away, "My boy, you saved one of my cubs, your lionness. It is something I will not forget. You had my loyalty, but now you have a life debt from me should you need it," She nodded and patted him on the hand.

"I just need you to make it through this with me," He said quietly with his head hung low.

"So we shall, my boy," She said, "Get some rest, Severus. You look like shite."

He snorted and she left him alone. _Not alone._

"Severus, she's right. You must rest."

"Mmm," He grumbled and climbed to his quarters.

 _There is no rest for the wicked._


	48. Chapter 48

_Hermione?_ He called to her as he stood waiting in his office. He had informed the Carrows at breakfast he would be gone for the day looking for the boy.

 **Hello, Severus. You can come now, if you're ready. We have been up for a couple hours talking. I've told them most everything now.**

 _About us?_

 **Yes.**

 _Fuck. I was lucky I survived yesterday. I'll be luckier if I survive today._

 **I believe most of the yelling and screaming is over. They have really tired themselves out.**

 _Excuse me for not being empathetic._

 **Come, Severus. I need you.**

 _On my way, love._

He knocked once on the door and pushed it open. He saw the four teenagers sitting at the long wooden table he had talked to Weasley and Potter at yesterday. He took an empty chair away from all of them. Weasley and Potter looked quite nauseated at the sight of him. Luna looked... _comfortable?_ She smiled at him. He narrowed his eyes at her, then looked to Hermione.

"How are you feeling?" He asked and searched her face.

"Much better than last night, but not well," She gave him a half-hearted smile.

Weasley's twisted his hands together and sighed. Snape glared at him.

Hermione stopped him from speaking, "If you have questions, ask them."

"How long have you been fucking her, you greasy git?!" Ron yelled and lunged for Snape.

Snape smirked, and slammed him back into his seat quite hard with a nonverbal, "Fucking? Nearly 10 months. With? Over a year."

Ronald swallowed hard and went green and Hermione glared at him, "Don't be crude."

Snape shrugged, "He asked," and leaned back into his chair.

"Don't ask crude questions. Either of you," She snapped at Harry and Ron.

"Dumbledore asked you to kill him?" Harry didn't look at him.

Snape said lowly, "Yes, but I am sure you were already told that."

"I wanted to hear it from you," He said through his teeth.

Snape said nothing.

Ron spoke again, "Is my sister, okay?"

"Look at me," Snape demanded and Ron's eyes met his just as they had when he was a student.

He entered the boy's mind and showed the red-head what he did for his sister. Pulling out of his mind, he hissed, "Satisfied?"

Ron swallowed hard, "I... Er... Yeah."

"How could you keep all of this from us, Hermione?" Harry blurted out.

"I didn't want to, but it was necessary. The world needs to hate him. You needed to hate him. We still have to appear to hate him. Don't you get it? I had to protect his position to protect you. He fed me loads of information I've used for us, for you. I needed him as much as he needed me. When I agreed to become his Secret Keeper, revealing that vow was only to be when absolutely necessary," She said and wiped stray tears from her eyes.

Severus stared at her, and then became painfully aware he was being watched as he watched her. He met Luna's light blue eyes. He felt himself blush.

"It feels like betrayal, Hermione," Ron admitted. _It's not betrayal, you arse. It's for your own fucking safety._

"Who else knows about you and him?" Ron asked.

"In which context?" Snape answered instead with a cautionary tone in his voice.

"The Secret Keeper bit."

"Dumbledore was told immediately after we took the vows. McGonagall, and the other House Heads. That's it," Hermione said.

Harry tapped his fingers on the table, "I think I speak for both Ron and myself when I say I'm angry with you, Hermione, for a lot of things at the moment."

Her head dropped, "I understand. I am sorry. To all of you." _Don't apologize for their childish emotional responses._

"I get you not picking me, but... him?" Ron said.

"You don't have to understand. It isn't any of your business either," She said and anger flashed behind her eyes.

Ron went to speak again, but Snape spoke a warning, "Move on, Weasley."

"Her relationship with him is the smallest of our problems with this. I love you, Hermione. I have since I was 11. We both love you. But we will need time to process this, and make sense of it all." _Because you're both largely unintelligent and emotionally stunted._

"I understand. I hope that we can still work together despite how I've made you both feel," She said quietly.

"Oh, we aren't separating. We will move forward as a group, but individually, we'll have to process at our own pace. We'll come to accept it in time, to understand in time," Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape, "At least... most of it." _Charming._

Harry glanced at Hermione and then looked directly at Snape, "You loved my mother? That's why you've done all of this? That's why you became a spy? You did this to atone for their deaths, which you inadvertently caused?"

It stung, but Snape did not hesitate, "Yes."

Harry stared at him, looking over his face, "You've been doing this for years."

Snape said, "Yes."

"How?"

"When a Slytherin sets his mind to a task, he achieves that goal by any means necessary."

"It has nothing to do with your house. I don't like you, Snape, but this... You're a total prick... Fuck," Harry tugged at his shaggy hair, "You're probably the bravest fucking person I've ever known," He said and the green eyes stared into the black.

Snape said nothing, but the emotion on his face was plain as day. He would not cry, but he looked profoundly moved. _Sensitive. Mostly understanding. Like his mother. Lily._

"What's the next Horcrux? Do we have any idea?" Ron said.

Hermione spoke up, "I think we should look into Bellatrix's vault. She was absolutely panicked when she thought we had been in there. I guarantee there's one in there."

"That would be unsurprising," Snape said and steepled his fingers, "The goblin, Griphook, he will be able to let you know for sure if it is worth going or not. If it is, get him to take you. You'll have to bargain. Goblins are greedy, so be prepared to pay a heavy price."

Harry nodded, "The Deathly Hallows. They make a master of death."

 _The what?_

 **The symbol. Luna's dad. The Elder Wand, the Ressurection Stone, and the Invisibility Cloak.**

"We have the Cloak. I have a hunch that Dumbledore's wand was the Elder Wand. That was laid to rest with him," Harry said.

"Ollivander will be able to tell you for sure," Snape said coolly, "Be kind to the old man. You have no idea what he endured, nor do you want to."

Ron snorted and Snape's eyes pierced him, "Snape telling us to be nice?!"

"Leave the jokes to your twin brothers, Weasley," Snape drawled.

Luna said, "I think the Ravenclaw Horcrux might be Rowena Ravenclaw's lost diadem."

"What is a bloody diadem?" Ron questioned in exasperation at Luna's word riddles.

"It's a tiara, Weasley," Snape sneered. _Uncultured swine._

"The word 'lost' does not make me feel confident in finding it, Luna," Harry groaned.

"If the rumors are true, and they usually are in our world, the diadem is in Hogwarts somewhere," Snape's voice sounded far away.

"We'll need to focus our efforts on Bellatrix's vault and what may or may not be in there. We go back to Hogwarts last. We will not be able to leave without the final battle..." She looked hesitantly at Severus who was lost in his thoughts and was scratching his chin slowly.

Harry, Luna, and Ron agreed.

"Professor Snape?" Luna's voice broke him out of his trace, "I have a question."

"Ask then, girl."

"You love Hermione."

"That isn't a question, Miss Lovegood," He hissed. Ron and Harry were staring at him wide eyed.

"No. It isn't," She shrugged and skipped away from the table outside into the garden.

"Bloody hell," Ron said, "Good thing we did the enchantments."

"I must return to the castle. The Carrows are surely enjoying themselves too much," Severus breathed.

"Let's go talk to Griphook, Ron," Harry said.

"Do your best not to get yourselves killed," Snape scowled.

He moved away from the table, and Hermione followed closely behind him. She held onto him tightly.

"You saved me, Severus. At great risk to yourself and to your position," She said quietly in awe.

"Yes. You are the most important person in the world to me. My debt to Lily comes second now, although I fully intend to repay it," He kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer.

"I love you," She whispered, "Thank you."

"I thought I lost you," He stuck his nose in her messy hair, "Don't do that to me again. Please."

"I love you."

"I love you, Hermione. You take my heart wherever you go. Take better care of it, will you, girl? You'll either kill me or get me killed," His voice was quiet.

She smiled, and pulled his face down and kissed him softly. Gently. Lightly.

He touched her cheek with his thumb and opened the door, stepped out, and closed it behind him.

He almost apparated, but he heard Luna's voice behind the door.

"I never imagined Professor Snape could be so tender. He must really love you, Hermione."

"He is a lot of things people wouldn't imagine, Luna. He loves me more than I will probably ever know."

 _The sneaky girl spied on them. At least it was her, and not the boys. Bloody hell. I'm going soft._


	49. Chapter 49

"Got these ones for disrespect, Headmaster," came the voice of Amycus Carrow. Holding their collars, he shoved Neville Longbkttom and Seamus Finnigan to their knees. Alecto pushed into the room between the boys dragging Dean Thomas by the invisible magical bindings around his wrists.

Amycus grabbed Dean by the back of his neck and shoved him down next to Finnigan.

"Disrespect?" Snape drawled as he looked over the three boys.

"Oh, you know," Alecto snickered, "We won't win, Harry Potter will defeat the Dark Lord - the usual," She giggled.

"How very irritating," Snape sneered, "Leave these ones to me."

"Enjoy, Headmaster," Amycus smiled.

Snape stood and leaned his hands onto the desk. His fingers gripped the edge of the table tightly, and his head hung. _Fucking Gryffindors._

He slammed the book on his desk closed and half-slid and half-threw it off the desk into a glass cabinet and the glass shattered loudly. He saw the students before him jump and shrink into themselves.

He walked slowly, so slowly, around the front of his desk. Leaning back into the desk, he crossed his arms and stared down his nose at them, "Would one of the three of you care to enlighten me as to why you cannot stay. Out. Of. Their. Way?" His voice was dangerous, deadly, and cold.

Neville looked up at him with confusion on his face, "...Professor Snape?"

"You heard me, Mr. Longbottom. The Carrows are significantly irritating, but, when left unprovoked, they will ignore you and focus elsewhere, on other... misbehaving... students," He stared at Neville.

Dean and Seamus looked at Neville and Seamus spoke loudly, hatred on his face, "They're beating students! 11-year-old students! Girls! What kind of man are you to allow this to happen at 'your' school?"

Snape closed in on him, grabbed a fist full of his shirt, and yanked him to his feet. His nose was probably an inch away from the boy's face.

"What kind of man am I? I am the sort of man who calls off the Carrow dogs. I am the sort of man who provides injured students with medicine, healing salves, and apologies for the behavior of my staff. I am the sort of man who reports to the Dark Lord that the Carrows are disobedient of him, and of me, and he punishes them. Because. I. Tell. Him," Snape dropped him, "Get up!" He snarled at the other two.

Seamus stared at him, his temper flaring, "You're also the sort of man who kills his boss, who takes the Dark Mark."

Snape stepped toward him and cornered him against the bookshelf, "Oh, yes, Mr. Finnigan. I am that as well. But do keep your eyes completely open. All of you. All. Of. You. Would be dead if not for me."

Seamus looked away from him, but his eyes came back to Snape's, "What are we supposed to get out of this, Snape?"

"What you are supposed to get and what you will get," He sneered, "are two entirely different things. Your Gryffindor desire to be noble and righteous will cloud your ability to see things clearly, to look at what could be and what is," He took a step back.

Dean Thomas asked, "Why are you doing this, Professor Snape? Why are you telling us any of this?" His hands were balled into fists.

"Because, you foolish boy, it is my job."

"What are we supposed to take away from this?" Neville repeated Seamus' question.

"Asked and answered," Snape snapped coldly, "Get out of my sight. Now. Run along back to your little hideout," He turned his back on him.

The three boys took a collective shocked intake of breath, a gasp.

Snape looked over his shoulder and gave them a cold smirk, "Oh, yes. I know."

The boys fled from him. _Idiot boys. Foolish. Stay out of their God damned way._

"Do you think letting them see such morality in you is wise, Severus?" Dumbledore questioned.

"If they tell anyone, nobody will believe them. Besides, either way, whether I am exposed or not, I am fucked," Snape's voice was tired.

"I believe you can survive this, Severus. As much as it pains me to admit any short sightedness, I believe the allies you have formed will ensure you come out of this war," He looked at Severus. _How the fuck does a portrait's eye twinkle?_

"Yes, I am sure that was tremendously painful for you," He grumbled.

 **Severus, Griphook alluded to Bellatrix having objects of interest to us in her vault.**

 _What was his price?_

 **The Sword of Gryffindor.**

 _Impossible._

 **Harry is contemplating agreeing.**

 _Of course he is. The boy is a fool._

 **I have another option. You... won't like it.**

 _Do I ever like these plans of yours? I will come tonight. It is curfew. I will come after making a sweep of the corridors. We will discuss a plan of action._

 **Okay. I will let the boys and Luna know.**

Severus didn't respond. He cared little for whatever the teenagers thought of his arrival.

He walked the halls and passed each Head of House and the Carrows prowling the dark corridors. He made his way to his office and disapparated to Shell Cottage, knocked once, and entered. He had interrupted an argument, so he stayed silent.

"How do we know we can really trust him, Hermione?" Ron was frustrated.

"I trust him. He saved me, Ronald, and you saw it."

"I know what I saw, but how do we know we can really trust him with all of this?"

"Maybe she's right, mate. I don't like him either. Snape... He loved my mother. Knowing what we know now of him, what he's doing... I believe he would do anything to repay his debt to my mother, and to keep Hermione safe," _Was that Potter? Is it an impersonator?_

He stepped out into the sitting room, "Indeed, I would, Mr. Potter," His voice was smooth, but intimidating.

Weasley jumped at the sound of his voice. Luna merely looked at him the way she did everything else in the world - strangely. Harry stood awkwardly in greeting. Hermione's face softened, relaxed- _my girl._

He sat next to her, with several inches between them, and spoke directly toward her, "What is this plan you have? I am sure it is as perilous as all the others to date..." His voice was quiet.

She pulled out a small bag from the pocket on her sweatshirt, "It's Bellatrix's hair."

The plan dawned on Severus' face, on Potter's, on Weasley's, on Lovegood's. Severus stared at her.

"No," Harry spoke the collective response, "No. It's too far, too risky."

Snape's jaw was twitching as he stared at the floor. _No. No. No._

"Harry, it is the only way we can get into her vault. Gringott's is the most secure bank any of us have ever encountered," She insisted.

 _No. No. No. No. No. No._

"'Mione, we can't do that. Gringott's is bound to have loads of full-proof security methods," Ron said candidly.

Severus looked at her. His eyes pleading. She wasn't looking at him. She was defending her plan to Potter and Weasley. _I can't lose her. She has a death wish. I can't lose her._

"Severus, please, surely you must see reason in this," She turned to him and her eyebrows shot up when she saw the look on his face.

"You very nearly died days ago," His voice was acerbic, "And you are asking me to support a decision that puts you in just as much, probably even more, danger."

"Severus, I'm fine! You saved me."

He sneered, "Do not be nonchalant with me! I had to risk everything, my position, my life, all of your lives, to save you. I had to imply I was going to rape you! I risked everything to save your life, and now you're have the audacity to throw that in my face like it's trivial?! Like it's nothing?!" He was outraged.

"I am not being nonchalant, Severus!"

He sighed, ran his hand through his hair, "Hermione, please!" He looked at her, his face begging for her resignation, his hand subconsciously touched hers - all attempts at self-containment around people thrown to the wind.

"I can't fucking take this shit!" Ron snapped and lunged at Snape.

He managed to grab Snape's robe and twist it into his fist before Snape rose to his feet and towered over Ron. Magic sparked across both men.

Harry tugged at Ron's arm, "Ron, no! He's trying to help us!"

Rob tore his arm out of Harry's grasp, "He's fucking Hermione, Harry! You're okay with that? He's a slimy bastard and he always has been. He'll slither back to whichever side wins!"

Snape stepped forward and Hermione grabbed his arm, "No!"

He looked to her, to her hand, and calmly peeled her hand from his body, "Do it. Fucking do it, Weasley. Give me a reason," Snape growled. His body was tense, poised.

"Severus, please," Hermione whispered. He didn't acknowledge her.

"Listen to them, Harry!" Ron jerked a hand at the pair, "It's all "Severus" and "Hermione" now! You saw how he looked at her, how he touched her."

Looking at both men's faces, it was indiscernible which conveyed more hatred.

"Ron, we don't have to like him. We don't have to like him!" Harry tugged at Ron's jacket.

"You're a fucking coward, Snape, you know that? You skulk around with your sarcasm and bitterness like you're better than everyone... But you're not. And deep down, I think you know that. You're a fucking coward. You think by fucking Hermione, by manipulating her into trusting you, that you can get to us? You joined the Death Eaters. You got Harry's parents killed. The only reason you switched sides was because you were hot for Harry's mum..." Ron never got to finish his rant because Snape's magic involuntarily exploded Ron back into the wall and he fell to the ground.

Severus descended upon him like a predator on its prey. His wand was drawn and under Ron's chin, "If you ever speak ill of Lily Potter again, I will kill you, Weasley, and I will thoroughly enjoy it," His capacity for wrath was on full display. Nobody in the room moved.

Severus moved his left hand to Ronald's throat and squeezed just enough to make a point and jammed his wand harder under the boy's chin, "And if you ever speak ill of Hermione again, I will kill you. More slowly. And more painfully. Than. You. Could. Ever. Imagine."

He searched Ron's face, "I am many things, boy, but a coward is not one of them." He released his grip on the boy's throat and retracted his wand. He stood over Weasley for a moment, and then turned his back.

"Expe.." Ron's voice came from the floor.

"Protego!" Snape bellowed and slashed his wand in the air. Ron slammed back into the wall again and his wand flew to Snape's hand.

He moved to grab Weasley again, but Hermione jumped in front of him, and pushed her hands against his chest.

Harry kneeled by Ron, who was trying to stand and continue the confrontation, "Ron, stop! You can't beat him! It's not about your stupid pride!" _Gryffindors._

Snape smirked at Weasley, who roared in response. He twirled Weasley's wand in his fingers. Hermione glared at him and continued to push him away from Ron.

"Are you two quite finished?" Luna's voice was more serious than ever, "We have much to plan, and you are wasting time arguing and fighting like children. Ron, you cannot beat Professor Snape. You don't have to like him. Like Harry said. But, if he's treating Hermione properly, their relationship is none of your business. I don't recall Hermione butting into your snog-fest with Lavendar Brown," There was legitimate anger on the pale girl's face. _Oh, my._

Ron shoved Harry off of him, stormed out of the house, and slammed the door behind him. Harry's chest was heaving. Hermione went to bring Ronald back, but Harry held up a hand, "Let him go!" _Yes, please, and let him stay gone._

Hermione stared at Harry and tears filled her honey eyes. _Why cry over him?_

She sat down next to Severus and wiped her eyes, "It can't ever be easy, can it? We can't all just get along, not even for anything but the cause."

 _I'm sorry._ Snape looked at her, "My presence makes things difficult. I can leave," and he stood.

Harry shook his head, "No. We need your help," He swallowed hard. _Probably swallowing his pride._

Severus looked at Hermione, "I want you here, Severus."

Luna hummed her agreement, "Your help has been most useful. I can't imagine that changing."

Harry spoke again, "We don't have to like each other. We don't like each other. I respect and admire what you're doing, what you've done. We are working to achieve the same end."

Snape glanced around the room, rubbed his hand down his face, and then sat.

 _Yes, Potter. Come Hell or high water._


	50. Chapter 50

"Harry, would you mind if we took a walk out in the garden for a minute or so?" Hermione gestured between the two of them.

Harry looked between them with surprise, "Sure, yeah. Go on then. I'll try to find Ron." Luna decided to follow Harry.

Hermione walked toward the back door and Severus followed her. She slid the glass door shut behind them and charmed the area around them to be totally private.

"Are you okay? I'm really sorry about Ron..."

She touched his arm and he jerked. He shook his head violently, "He... He called me a coward." _Coward. Coward. Coward._ He heard all the voices all throughout his life saying that same word over and over.

"I'm sorry, Severus. You're not a coward. You're not. Ron has always been hot-headed. He flies off the handle and then feels guilty about it later. This is all a bit overwhelming for everyone, the transparency," She reached for his hand, but he pulled away again. Her eyes changed from being filled with empathy to being filled with concern.

"Severus?"

He didn't look at her. _Don't._ His body trembled.

"Severus... I'm sorry about Ron. I really am. I truly appreciate you not retaliating. I know it must have been very difficult to show the restraint you did, especially with what he was saying. You are the better man for it."

His jaw twitched. _Don't._

The air between them seemed suffocating. She stared at him while he stared at the glass. Her stillness was disarming. _Don't._

"Don't," He choked out, "Don't do this. Don't take that and become her. Don't. I can't lose you.

"You have a better idea?"

"It isn't better. It just doesn't put you in any danger," He ground his teeth.

"Then we can talk about it together, Severus. We need your help."

He didn't look at her, didn't even come close to looking at her. _It hurts._

"What is it?"

It appeared as if he wasn't even breathing. _It hurts._

"Sev?" His eyes trailed up her body slowly to meet her gaze. His teeth were chattering slightly, a physical manifestation of panic and hurt.

"It...Hurts. What he..."

She put her hand over her mouth, "Oh, love," She grabbed his hand and he allowed the affection this time. She cradled his hand in hers, "I'm so sorry. Ron's an idiot. He's an idiot. He's a good person, but he can be an absolute arse. He'll come around and apologize. He didn't mean it," She whispered to him.

He grimaced, "Yes. He did. Much of that, I have been called before," He shifted uncomfortably, his resolve cracked only slightly. He became painfully aware that they were being watched. Glancing toward the house, he saw Luna and Potter talking in the kitchen. Weasley was looking out of the back door. He didn't look angry anymore, more so ashamed. _As he fucking should be._

"Don't pay him any mind, Sev. Focus on me, okay? You're here to help me, to help Harry. Harry and I will deal with Ron. Trust me on that." _I do. God, I do._

He nodded, but he looked so small and injured. Only to her. To the rest of the people here, he looked like Snape, but perhaps only more tired than usual. She reached up and kissed his cheek. He leaned into her touch just barely, and when she moved away, his eyes were swimming in emotion. He pulled his hand away and the mask was back, his eyes occuluded, his posture upright.

Harry walked out into the garden and Snape watched his every step intensely. Luna hopped out next, and Ronald followed slowly behind. His head was down and his metaphorical tail was very much between his legs. Snape's black eyes blazed.

The stood in a relative circle, with Weasley standing the most directly in front of Severus.

"Listen, Snape..." Weasley started.

Severus' head turned slightly to the side, the way a wolf stared at a potential meal, deciding whether to kill it now or let it go on believing it had escaped only to hunt it down later. Hermione moved beside him. She approached Weasley quickly, pushed him firmly in the chest backward, and then heaved her hand back and slapped him across his cheek. The smack of her palm on his face was like a firecracker.

 _Lioness._ The boy rubbed his reddened cheek, "Bloody hell, Hermione, I was trying to apologize!"

"You deserved that, Ronald," Luna's dreamy voice came from Snape's other side.

Severus looked at her. _What is it with this girl? She trusts me so easily?_ He stared into her eyes and saw no judgment, but, despite her general demeanor, she was not stupid. Her behavior toward him was one of careful consideration, observations, and logical deduction. Whatever she was deducing, however, was baffling to Severus.

Hermione was staring up at the Weasley boy while her magic sizzled across her skin, "If you ever put your hands on him again, Ronald Weasley, if you ever call him coward again, if you ever insult Harry's mother and his reason for changing sides, if you ever imply that he has manipulated me again, if you ever betray our friendship and the respect between us again, Severus Snape will be the least of your worries. And I assure you, should you do any of that again, he would most certainly be a very real worry for you," She said.

The air around them was still. Eyes shifted nervously between Hermione and Ron, and Severus. Snape kept his features schooled, but his heart was pounding. _I love you, Hermione. I love you._

"Have I made myself perfectly clear, Ronald?" Weasley actually looked terrified. _Good. He should be. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Hermione Granger._

Ron nodded, and Hermione stepped away, "I'm sorry, Snape. I can stand here and say we're all tired and stressed, but no one else did what I did back there in the house. There's no excuse. Didn't mean it, shouldn't have said it. Guess I'm a bit more jealous than I imagined, and a bit more because it's you. It's a lot to wrap my head around - you really being on our side and all. I'm working on getting used to the idea of having you around. Anyway. I am sorry," He looked at Severus with uncertainty on his face.

 _Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. Jealous. No. Don't, Snape, don't, "_ Yes, as you can imagine, your presence in my life is undesirable as well. I suppose we can bond over that," His voice was cold, but not dangerously so. _He stands no chance. She's mine._

Weasley smirked, "Guess so," and they all made their way back into the house.

 _For some reason, I feel a summoning would be more pleasant than breathing the same oxygen as Weasley._


	51. Chapter 51

When they made their way back into the house, Hermione stumbled over the step into kitchen. Snape caught her and looked at her face carefully. She was normally graceful. Her eyes looked bruised underneath, she was pale, and she looked frail.

"You have drained yourself, you silly girl. All for me," He said lowly to her.

"What do you mean?" Harry's voice filled with concern.

"Hermione nearly died. She was poisoned with a knife that usually kills its victims quite quickly. I have witnessed the power of that particular blade firsthand as you witnessed with Dobby. The antidotes I gave her had to be stronger than the poison, but that doesn't mean that, just because they saved her, they weren't just as hard on her body and magic. The confrontation took too much out of her," He felt Hermione's forehead with the back of his fingers. She was clammy.

"So, what does she need?" Ron asked as he watched Hermione sway on her feet.

"Rest," Snape said, "I should take you up to bed so you can rest, Hermione."

Hermione grinned devilishly, "You can take me up to bed and we can do something else other than rest!"

Snape blushed furiously, "Bloody hell, Granger!"

Ron and Harry erupted in laughter, "Look at his face, Harry! Look at his face!!!"

Snape glared at them. His blush made him ridiculously less intimidating though, and they right kept on laughing. He turned back to Hermione in defeat and sighed, "Woman, you must sleep."

She pushed away from him slightly and swayed against the wall, "No, don't you remember?"

He narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you remember when your magic was gone? Don't you remember what we did that made it come back?" She sounded drunk.

"Fucking hell, girl," He said and covered her mouth with a finger. He could feel the heat of embarrassment all over his body.

The boys continued to howl, and even Luna began to giggle. _Lord have mercy._

"Please, Hermione. Don't do this. Let's just get you upstairs."

"No. I will stay here and listen to the plan, Severus!"

Snape pinched the bridge of his nose, "Yes, I am certain that you will add valuable contributions to the conversation... as you have done twice already."

"Oy, let her stay!" Weasley sniggered, but he let up a bit when Snape's eyes flashed to his.

"Please? I'll behave," She pouted.

"No. You won't."

"Please! I won't talk!"

He raised an eyebrow, "Fine."

She sat on the couch next to him, closer than he would have liked given the situation.

"Yes, I... erm... Let's just move forward," Snape said as he regained his composure, "I believe that we can gain entrance into the vault. It's going to involve some unsavory spells and a few Unforgivables, though."

"I'm listening," Harry said intently as he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at Snape. Ron and Luna were quiet and focused.

"Potter, you and I will go. I will be unable to find a Horcrux quickly. For whatever reason, you are able to find them," _I know the reason, and I am so sorry, boy,_ "Do you still have that infernal Invisibility Cloak in your possession?"

Harry nodded and Ron said "Why can't I go?"

"It's going to take more than one person to keep this one home," He jerked a thumb toward Hermione.

As if on cue, Hermione slumped against his shoulder. Ron snorted. Snape sighed, his neck flushed again, and he attempted to remove her, to push her over to the other side so she could sleep against the armrest and not him. _Shove off, Granger._

She growled and slapped his hand quite hard, "Stop, Sev. I'm tired," She curled up on the couch with her head on his thigh.

Snape stared at her in exasperation. His body was stiff in discomfort at the public display of affection. His jaw twitched and he was barely breathing. _God, please, no._

"It's like she's drunk, Professor Snape," Luna said lightly.

"For our kind, magical depletion has a comparable effect to inebriation," He nodded and looked back to them, "She just needs rest. Her magic will be weak, but she will be back at full strength within a few days."

Hermione groaned in her sleep and grabbed at his left hand, pulled it to her, and let it rest on her shoulder. _Hermione, damnit!_

"Christ, Hermione," He said dangerously and he tried to move his hand away, only to have his knee slapped in protest. _You're embarrassing me, woman!_

"Just leave it, Snape," Harry said, "It's fine."

"It's rather cute, actually," Luna smiled.

He looked at at a loss for words. His body was tightly wound and tense, jaw flexing, and his fingers trembled on his free hand nearly imperceptibly. _I can't do this. I can't be this._ Harry noticed his fingers.

"It's fine," Harry assured him, "Just let her be. She's quiet this way."

Severus sighed, ran his shaky hand through his hair, and continued, "We'll take Griphook with us. I'll disillusion myself, you'll have the cloak," he pointed to Potter.

Harry nodded, "Yes, but Griphook won't help us unless we give him the sword."

"Yes," Snape said, "That would be where the Unforgivables come in."

Ron understood first, "The Imperius Curse?"

Snape's eyes moved to the floor, "Yes."

"We'll use that on Griphook to get us into the bank," _Very good, Potter. So glad you have learned to pay attention._ Hermione's warm body so close to him made his heart flutter. He wished so badly to share this moment with her in private. _Insufferable war. Friends. Life._

"Yes, but Griphook doesn't have access to a vault that is as secured as the LeStrange's vault. Whichever of us is not controlling Griphook will need to use the Imperius Curse on the Head Goblin. He got in before," Snape said. _This has to work._

"Before?" Luna asked. _Leave it to the Ravenclaw to catch me._

"I put a fake Sword of Gryffindor in Bellatrix's vault."

Harry looked confused, "Why?"

"Because your friends were trying to steal it to give it to you, one of them being your sister," He looked at Weasley, "And your girlfriend," He looked back to Potter, "As it was the fake sword I had on display, and they had taken notice of it, I had to hide it somewhere where they would not look. I had to keep up the appearance that I'm working against them, that I am taking something helpful away from them. I put the fake sword in her vault and gave you the real one," He looked back to Harry.

Harry's green eyes brightened in realization, "It was you!" _Yes._

Snape nodded, his eyes downcast. He was embarrassed at his patronus, at Hermione's head being in his lap, uncomfortable that he was being seen so intimately with her.

"So, we'll control them. We walk in, get into the vault, find the Horcrux, and leave?" Harry said.

Snape sneered, "It never goes that smoothly, especially where you are involved, but yes, in theory, that is the plan."

"People remember that they were Imperiused," Ron added.

"Yes, and that is where we move to the unsavory spells I mentioned earlier," Severus' voice was mechanical, "Memory charms are risky, especially when you're trying to modify memories. I do not want to risk that as modified memories can be undone. We must wipe them entirely and permanently."

Ron swallowed, and Harry's face was set.

Luna said, "Yes."

Snape looked at her curiously. _This girl is much more than I have ever given her credit for._

"It is dark magic, yes, but this war is built upon dark magic. We cannot expect to win without getting our hands dirty," She said slowly, "I agree with his plan," She looked at Harry and Ron.

Harry nodded and Ron did as well.

"There is one more thing," Severus said, "I cannot use my wand to cast the spells. I have no problem doing all of the memory charms to spare you, but if someone, like the Dark Lord, were to test the last spells I have cast with my wand..."

Ron said, "Right," And he reached into his robe without hesitation.

Luna stopped him, "It isn't that simple, Ron. It isn't like letting him borrow an umbrella. Wands are different. The wand has to allow him to use it and, considering you just used yours to try to kill him..."

"Well, how do we know whose he can use?" Harry asked.

Luna said, "We already know," And nodded toward Hermione.

Severus didn't need to follow their gaze. He knew it as well as Lovegood had. His wand would, at the very least, humor her. Hers would do anything for him, but it would certainly let him know if it didn't approve.

Snape waved his wand over her and bewitched her sleep so she wouldn't stir.

"She's going to kill you, Snape," Harry warned.

"Of that, I have no doubt," He agreed as he slipped his hand around her wand and pulled it out of her pocket. It grumbled in response to his fingers. He pushed his wand back where hers had been.

"You're sure about this, Snape? If this goes south..." Harry started. _I am not sure. I am never sure. Not anymore._

Severus looked at the sleeping woman in his lap, and Harry stopped mid-thought when he saw the look on the man's face as he watched Hermione sleep. Snape subconsciously moved her hair out of her face.

"This is how she stays out of it," He said quietly, "I have to keep her safe. This has to work." His occuluded mask dropped briefly in his emotional desperation.

The room was silent and filled with tense apprehension.

 _This has to work. This has to work. This has to work._


	52. Chapter 52

Severus moved out from under her and rose to his full height. Ron moved back from him. It was habit, born out of years of intimidation, to fall away from this dark man.

Snape's black eyes looked over Hermione's form, and he turned on Weasley and Lovegood, "When she wakes, she's going to try to leave."

They nodded in understanding.

"Do. Not. Let. Her. Leave," He said, "She needs rest. Tell her that she will fuck it up royally if she shows up. Tell her whatever necessary to keep her in this house. Understood?" His face was stony.

"Yes, sir," Luna said, "We won't let her leave, will we, Ron?"

Snape's eyes looked into the dark blue, "Will you, Weasley?"

Ron shook his head quickly, "Absolutely not."

Severus' mouth barely moved, "Good," He looked at Harry, "Get your cloak and bring the goblin."

Harry disappeared upstairs and returned in a moment with Griphook grumbling behind him.

"Snape!" Griphook jumped at the sight of him. _Always the jumping._

"Griphook," He drawled.

"You're a traitor!"

"Indeed. As are you."

"Excuse me!" The goblin puffed up in rage.

"Don't play stupid, Griphook. Goblins don't make a deal that isn't traitorous. The Sword of Gryffindor? Really?" He arched his eyebrow.

"I will inform the world of your true loyalties," The goblin sputtered.

"No, you won't, I'm afraid," He kneeled down, "Imperio!"

The goblin's face changed from anger to neutrality. He took a final look at Luna, Ron, and Hermione's sleeping form.

"Take care of her," He said, "And yourselves. Do try not to get yourselves killed, or all this will be one giant waste of time. I hate having my time wasted."

Harry stood next to Severus, and they walked out of the front door together. Griphook followed plainly behind them.

"Are you prepared, Potter?" Snape said without looking at him.

Harry swallowed nervously, "Yeah. Sure."

He looked at boy for the first time in a long time. _He's too young._ His shaggy hair flipped up in the back, his face was pale and gaunt, "Chin up, boy. What's the worst that could happen?"

"We die," Potter said softly.

"No," Snape's dark humor was gone, "She dies."

He put his hands on the shoulders of Potter and the Goblin, "Cloak, Potter." Potter obeyed, He disillusioned himself, and they were gone.

They reappeared in a dark alley in a now disused section of Diagonal Alley. Potter was breathing hard.

He commanded Griphook walk several paces ahead of them out into the alley.

"Quietus! Muffilato!" Snape hissed, "Relax, Potter. Where is that Gryffindor bravery?"

"Laying on the couch at Shell Cottage," Potter whispered back, "You know she's the compass. That's why you picked her as your Secret Keeper."

 _Oh, yes._ Snape said nothing, and continued moving forward. Harry walked next to him. Griphook, under Snape's direction, drew no attention to himself.

At the entrance of the bank, Snape hesitated and put his arm in front of where he knew Potter to be. _Fuck. This is insane._

"Where's that Slytherin determination?" Potter quipped.

Snape growled, running his thumb over the delicate vines on the thin wand he held in his hand. _Here._

He moved forward again and directed Griphook to the front desk. Potter's hand rested lightly on Snape's elbow for guidance.

"Sir, I believe we have a problem," Griphook, via Snape, told the Head Goblin.

The Head Goblin peered down over his podium at Griphook, "We have been looking for you, Griphook. Where have you been? You have caused quite a stir! What kind of problem do you speak of?

The goblin was suspicious. _They always are._ Potter's hand dropped off of his elbow and he felt the boy move around him.

The Head Goblin stepped down and moved toward Griphook, and Snape heard "Imperio!"

 _Good boy, Potter._

"Come, let us talk, friend!" The Head Goblin spoke.

They followed the goblins in silence to a cart and rode to Bellatrix's vault.

"It isn't far," Snape said. Potter's anxiety was radiating off of his body. _Relax, Snape. Relax. Relax._

The cart came to a halt, and the goblins stepped up onto the platform. The wizards followed. Snape grabbed the Head Goblin's leathery hand and push it against Bellatrix's vault door. The many locks on the other side began to separate.

The vault opened and the reflection of the gold inside hit them like the break of day. The goblins stood to the side just inside the door. Harry moved in toward the vault, and Snape followed him as the door shut behind him.

"Potter," Snape hissed, "Touch nothing except the Horcrux. This gold has a Gemino Curse on it. Any piece you touch, except the Horcrux, will split and double infinitely."

Harry took off the cloak, and Snape made himself visible again. Potter stood completely still, the cloak balled up in his hands with his eyes were closed.

"Is it here, Potter?"

Harry's green eyes opened, "Yes," and his eyes moved to a cup on the highest shelf away from them.

 _Of fucking course._ "Lovely," He narrowed his eyes and moved around the other side of the massive pile of gold in the center of the room. He stared up at the cup, "Do you see the sigil?"

Harry looked closely, "Hufflepuff."

"Indeed," _So there are ones in each..._

"How do we get it? You could probably hoist me up," Harry suggested.

"I'm not Weasley. You won't stand on the backs of giants with me, boy," He said sharply, but he smirked, "But you will be hoisted."

Snape took the cloak from Harry's hand and Harry looked at him in bewilderment, "How do you mean?"

"Levicorpus!" Snape said quickly, and Hermione's wand stung him in response after complying.

Harry Potter hung in the air by his ankles. _Justice, James._

"Fuck off, Snape," Harry spat, "Just get this over with."

Snape sneered, "Language, boy," but his sneer turned to focus he dangled Harry closer to the cup. Potter reached out and tucked the cup safely into his chest. Snape released him gently and the boy landed on his feet.

"Cloak," Snape said curtly as he threw it at him.

His arm began to burn, "Fuck! Potter, we have to go. Now."

Harry looked panicked, "You go! Don't make him wait, Snape! I'll get myself out."

"I'm not leaving Lily's son in here, you fool! Let's go!" Snape disillusioned himself again.

He pushed Potter ahead of him as his arm burned again. Usually, there was more time between summons. Potter demanded the goblins move the cart faster. They had to slow their hurry in the lobby of the bank as the goblins couldn't let on that anything was wrong. Both men were breathing hard. Snape hissed at the pain in his arm. As soon as they were outside, he apparated them to an alley by St. Mungo's.

Harry's vision blurred at the sudden apparition. Snape turned on the goblins.

"Obliviate!" He hissed to one. The memories of an entire lifetime wound themselves around Hermione's wand and his hand.

Potter surprised him and did the same to Griphook. Once the memories disappeared into the air, he pulled Potter to him with both fists, apparated the two of them again to Shell Cottage, dropped Potter from his grasp, and disapparated again.

He reappeared just outside the gate at Malfoy Manor and tucked Hermione's wand deep within his robes.

"Snape!" Voldemort screeched at him. His entrance into Severus' mind was brutal.

Snape seemlessly fabricated an interrogation of Ginny Weasley. Snape held her head back by her red hair and dropped the Veritaserum into the girl's mouth.

"Where is Harry Potter?" His false memory spoke.

He felt Voldemort listening intently for several questions, and then he violently pulled out of Snape's mind.

"Did you learn anything, Severus?"

"No, my Lord. I had thought she would know where they might hide since her brother is with Potter. She knows nothing," _It's truth enough. She does know nothing._

"Then you shouldn't have been late," The pain came quickly. It lasted longer than any time before. Spit flew from his mouth involuntarily as he convulsed. His nerves were engulfed in flames, shredded by razor blades.

It could have been days. Hours. Minutes. Seconds. When the curse lifted, Snape was nearly unconscious on the floor. _Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake._ Voldemort's attention moved elsewhere. He recognized the scream of Alecto Carrow next. _Stay away. Stay awake. Stay awake._

"I should kill all of you. One of you should have given me Harry Potter by now. I should kill every last one of you," He said, and then he screamed so inhumanely that Snape, even in his semi-conscious state, rolled over and lifted his head to see what had happened. _Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake._

Voldemort had dropped to his knees. He looked to be in pain, his slitted eyes wide, and he was bent over slightly at the waist. _The cup. The boy killed it._ Voldemort didn't look at any of them. His eyes were unseeing. _Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake._

He called to his snake and she moved to him quickly, "Come, Nagini. The boy knows our secret, but he does not know of you. I must keep you close," and then he was gone.

The Death Eaters around him groaned, moaned, and cursed against the black wooden floor. Some managed to disapparate immediately. Snape pulled himself up, closed his eyes, and then disapparated.

He landed hard on the beach, knocking the wind out of himself. The torture and aftermath was so heavy that he couldn't lift his head. The waves washed up over his body. _Stay awake. Stay awake. Stay awake._

"Severus!" _Hermione. Hermione. Hermione._


	53. Chapter 53

"Luna! The tub!" _Tub?_

Someone was in front of him. Maybe beside him. There were hands under his arms hauling him to his feet. He could see shapes, hear mumbles, and his feet dragged on the sand. There was a loud ringing in his ears.

His head was hanging and he was on hardwood now, then his feet were hitting a step, then another, and another, and a couple more. His vision was blurry. The ringing was constant. He could hear muffled voices around him. Everything hurt. He opened his eyes again. The floor was tiled. The room was brighter. He winced. The hands under his arms dragged him over the edge of something and he was dropped down into ice water.

"WOAH!" He heaved himself out of the water, his chest rising and falling quickly. Heavily. He looked around him. Weasley. Potter. Lovegood. Granger.

 _Granger._

 _Hermione._

 _Hermione._

"Hermione," His voice was hoarse.

Her hands were on his face instantly, "Severus... What happened? Harry said you were summoned while you were at Gringott's." _What? Gringott's?_

He looked puzzled, and then his eyes snapped to Harry's, "You destroyed it."

Harry nodded, "Yeah. Yeah. We did."

Snape's eyes went wide, "He knows. He knows you've been hunting Horcruxes."

The room was silent, and then Hermione touched his cheek, "Severus, did he discover you?"

He looked at her. _Did he? Did he?_ "No," He shook his head slowly. The lucid moment faded

She sobbed briefly and then composed herself. His teeth began chattering, "I'm so sorry about the tub, Sev. It was the only thing I could think of to help the nerves..."

He just stared at her. He felt concussed, delirious. _Has she always been this beautiful?_

"Severus?" Her brow furrowed.

"Mmmmm?" He sank back down into the tub. _She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,_ "You are so beautiful."

There was a collective gasp of shock around him that he, in his current state, didn't understand.

"Snape, are you okay?" Harry crossed his arms.

He looked at Harry. _He looks so like his father. But he doesn't. His face is softer, features less sharp. His eyes. Those eyes._

"Come here," Snape whispered to him.

Harry's eyes opened in surprise, but he kneeled by the tub closer to him.

Snape looked at his face more closely. _Lily._ He could see her in his face after all those years of refusing to look.

"Your mother would be so proud of you," He said softly, his words slightly slurred.

The green eyes filled with tears, "She would?" Ron's hand came down on Harry's shoulder.

Snape looked up, "Did I say something wrong?"

"Harry, he's delirious," Hermione said, "He did this with me once before. It's a side effect of the Cruciatus. Makes them loopy. He means everything he's saying. This is Severus, and I assure you he's genuine. He's just... not so defensive. He's... He was the same to me, but about different things."

Luna whispered, "I've read it's similar to someone having a very high fever."

Harry looked at her, and then back to Snape. _Lily._

"Are you sure he isn't drunk?" Ron asked.

Hermione sighed, "I have only had one experience with him being drunk, but it was not this pleasant."

Luna said, "We should leave Hermione to tend to him."

"My mother would be proud of you, too," Harry said as he looked directly into Snape's dark eyes. _Fuck._

That sobered Severus. Any side effects of the Cruciatus, except the exhaustion, disappeared immeditately. In the tub, sat a shivering and totally vulnerable Severus Snape. His black clothing was soaked and clung to his body. Snape sucked a huge intake of breath and held it. The sobs began to wrack inside of him. Severus looked at him and struggled to control himself.

The three teenagers filed out of the bathroom and closed the door behind them. The sob he'd been holding escaped loudly from his mouth. Hermione clutched his soaking body to her and he clung to her.

"Come on, Severus," She said, "Let's get you to bed. You can't go back to Hogwarts tonight. You're not strong enough."

He nodded against her chest.

"Will anyone come looking for you there?"

Snape remembered the screams of Amycus and Alecto Carrow. No. Death Eaters licked their wounds in private, "No. We don't take care of each other."

"I'll take care of you," She said and helped him stand. She magicked his clothes dry, gave him a little warming charm, and began to help him unbotton his frock coat. She folded his coat over her arm, and then untucked his white shirt to make him more comfortable.

He stared at her the entire time she worked on his buttons. She took his hand and walked him to the bedroom she was staying in. Potter was sitting against the wall. When he saw them, he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

"I just... wanted to see if he was okay."

Hermione tugged Snape into the hallway. Now in full mental awareness, Snape felt embarrassed and awkward. Harry looked at him and, having never seen him so informally dressed, his eyes widened.

"I am," He said stiffly, "Potter..."

Harry looked at his face. Neither man was sure of what to say, how to address what just happened, how to reconcile it with the hostile relationship they had for years.

"Thank you, Professor," Harry said and looked at his feet.

 _Lily's son._ Severus reached his hand out and did something so uncharacteristically Snape that Hermione nearly collapsed in shock.

He put one finger under Harry's chin, titled his head up so he could look in his eyes, let his hand drop, and said softly "I have a name, Harry. You'll do well to use it. On occasion."

Harry's mouth dropped open and he looked at Hermione, then back to Snape.

"Okay," Harry nodded and wiped his nose again, "I'll let you rest," and as he moved to the stairs, he turned before he stepped down.

"Thank you," He said sincerely. _Lily._

Snape looked at him curiously, thoughtfully, and said, "Thank you."

Harry's lip trembled and he walked down the steps and out of sight. Hermione pulled Severus' hand. He transfigured his clothing into pajamas and slipped under the covers.

Hermione did the same and curled against his body. There was a comfortable silence that fell between them.

"I love you, Severus," She whispered.

"I love you, Hermione," His tired rumble came from behind her.

 _I love you._


	54. Chapter 54

Snape woke early, as usual, and he struggled to remember where he was. He saw Hermione, lying on her back, sleeping soundly.

He looked at her and his eyes made his way down her body. He saw her left arm laying on the comforter. He saw the word. The scar. She would bear it for the rest of her life. It was a cursed wound. It might fade over time, but it would never go away... no matter how he tried.

 _I'm so sorry, Hermione._

His fingers rubbed the scar lightly. He got lost in his thoughts. How much he loved her. He didn't sense her wake up, and when he heard her breath hitch, he jumped slightly. When he looked at her face, she was crying. _Oh, Hermione. I'm so sorry._

"It's hideous. I'm hideous. That label will follow me, be branded on me, for the rest of my life."

He moved down the bed. Looking into her eyes, he kissed the scar, kissed the word that he hated so much. _I love you._ He pulled back, sat up cross-legged and leaned on his left elbow. His eyes dropped to their arms. On hers, the word 'mudblood' and on his, the Dark Mark.

"You told me the first time you saw this that it didn't define me," He looked into her honey eyes with the golden flecks, and his thumb stroked the scar, "This doesn't define you either."

She cried and nodded, "Thank you. Thank you."

He hugged her to him, but jumped when a knock came at their door.

"Snape, we gotta talk," Weasley's voice was loud.

Snape summoned the door open and Weasley's face dropped as he looked at Hermione's tear stained face. He frowned, "I'm sorry, 'Mione. It's just... he'll have to leave soon, and we need a plan."

Weasley stood there in gray pajama pants and a white tank-top.

Snape nodded, "We will be down in a minute," He said firmly.

"Yeah, alright," Ron said and walked away down the hall.

"We should dress."

"No," She shook her head, "Let them see you human."

He grimaced, "Hermione..."

"You have to let them see that you're human, or they won't ever fully trust you or believe in you, that you're for real."

 _I see your point. I hate when you're right._ He sighed and stood. He walked out the door and she followed him.

Harry and Ron both stared at him. He was concealing his arm as best he could. Luna was the only one who didn't seem to notice any difference in his appearance. _Of course she doesn't. The girl exists on a different plane._

He sat on the couch and his body language let on that he was self-conscious, but Hermione spoke to distract them, "What do we want to do?"

"We need to look for the diadem. It has to be the next Horcrux," Harry said.

Snape scratched the back of his neck with his right hand, "It has to be in the castle, but I have absolutely no idea where to start."

"Where all the lost things are of course," Luna said and her voice was dreamy. _Yes, of course._

Ron sighed, "Bloody hell."

"The Room of Requirement," She clarified. _Fuck. That actually makes sense._

Snape nodded, "That is a fair suggestion."

Ron asked, "But how do we get into the castle, Snape?"

"Aberforth Dumbledore. The brother," Snape said.

The four people around him gasped.

Harry said, "I didn't even know he had a brother."

"The man had a lot of secrets."

"How can he get us in?" Ron was quite focused, more focused than usual. _He knows what going back to the castle means._

"I am uncertain why everyone at Hogwarts thinks that I have become less intelligent and less aware when I became Headmaster. He has a tunnel that leads from his house in Hogsmeade into the castle. It leads directly to the little hideout all of Dumbledore's Army spend their time in," He sighed. The conversation had distracted him enough that his conscious attempt to hide his left arm lapsed and the Dark Mark was visible.

Harry and Ron stared at it, mouths slightly open, and there was a small amount of trained fear on their faces. Severus frowned, pulled his arm into his body, and breathed a heavy sigh.

"Did you think he didn't have it?" Luna asked. _Good Lord, she is paying attention._

"No...It's just..." Harry stumbled for words.

"It doesn't matter. He needs to leave," Hermione changed the subject, "We will go to Hogsmeade tonight. We need to get Ollivander somewhere safe first. Probably St. Mungo's. He's still weak, but he's on the mend. Doesn't want to leave his room though, or talk to anyone. Poor man," She said sadly.

Snape nodded. _Tonight is the end._ He transfigured his pajamas into his robes and looked significantly more intimidating.

"Remember... You hate me," He looked at all of them individually, "I will do what I can."

They nodded. He stood to take his leave and Hermione stood with him.

"Be careful, Severus. Take care of yourself," Harry said seriously.

"You too. All of you."

He walked out of the door and Hermione followed him. He enveloped her into a hug and stuck his nose into her hair. _Almond. Shea._

"You must survive, Severus. You must," She was crying, "For me."

"Anything for you," He said quietly, "Anything. You must make it through this, Hermione."

"I will. For you."

He wiped his eyes and looked at her, "I love you."

"I love you," She said.

"I love you," He repeated.

"I love you."

And he was gone. He was gone. She would see him tonight. On the opposite side of the battle field.

He landed in his office and looked at the desk with emotional devastation painted all over his face.

 _It all ends here._


	55. Chapter 55

Sorry. I tried to use the book's version of McGonagall's confrontation with Snape, and (for once) I liked the movie version better!

He sat at his desk. The clock ticked. He stared at the blue flame flickering in the jar on his desk. _Fidelity until the death. Well, here we are._

"Screech," He said quietly. He scribbled four notes and handed them to the bird, "Each Head of House."

Screech flew off immediately apparently sensing the urgency and tension. The House Heads filed in quickly, quietly and stood before him. He moved around the desk, leaned back, and sighed.

"Severus...?" Minerva's voice was trembling.

"Harry Potter will return to Hogwarts tonight."

The faces before him froze in fear, in realization that this might be the last night of their lives. _I am so sorry. I am so sorry._ He closed his eyes.

"When?" Flitwick choked on the question.

"I am not sure as of yet," He answered, "You all should stay. Until I know," Glancing at the clock, he finished, "It won't be long."

They stared at him, pale faces and eyes full of fear. _I am so sorry._ His stomach burned. There were quiet and tense minutes between the five adults.

 **We're leaving to drop Ollivander off at Saint Mungo's now. We will go immediately to Hogsmeade.**

 _His house is directly across from Hog's Head._

 **What's your plan?**

 _Still working that bit out._

"They will be in Hogsmeade within minutes. Go to your houses. I will call an assembly for all students. The students... are they prepared? You have been preparing them in secret as I suggested?" His eyes went back and forth between them. _Please say yes._

All four of them nodded. There were tears in their eyes. They could die. Their students could die. Children. _I'm so sorry._

"Hide the young ones. Any child that doesn't wish to participate. Hide them in the panic bunkers in your common rooms," His voice was robotic.

They nodded, "Go," He said. They did, but their eyes lingered on his. The unspoken gratitude for each other flowed throughout the room, "Be safe."

They repeated his words back to him. All of them. Each house. And then they were gone. He was alone. Staring out the window to the grounds.

 **We're here. We made it to his house. Did you know there were alarms?**

 _Yes. Caterwauling Charm._

 **Now they know?**

 _Now they know._

The Carrows burst into his office, and Amycus spoke first, "Harry Potter has been spotted in Hogsmeade."

"You are certain it was him?"

"Yes. Potter. Lovegood. Weasley. The mudblood," Alecto said. _Her scar._

"DON'T say that word," He growled and she shrank, "Call an assembly. Get the students into the Great Hall. When they're in, call the Dark Lord - tell him to rally his full strength," Snape looked between their faces.

 **We're inside the castle.**

 _Okay._

They turned and left. He heard the bells calling the students to assemble in the Great Hall. He stood at the top of the stairs and watched them walk in silence. Their faces were serious, hardened, prepared. _They know. Good. So many of them have chosen to fight. Hogwarts is their home._

Snape walked slowly between the houses toward the front of the hall. His hands were in his pockets as his cloak floated slightly behind him.

 **Harry's in there.**

 _Fuck._

 **He's going to confront you.**

 _Of course he is._

 **He said to tell you he doesn't mean it.**

 _Wonderful._

He stepped up, and turned slowly to face the crowd. The Carrows stood behind him on either side smirking.

"Many of you are surely wondering why I have summoned you at this hour," He said. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Potter's in here. Fuck,_ "It's come to my attention that, earlier this evening, Harry Potter was sighted in Hogsmeade."

The students broke out in whispers. Each house. Except for Gryffindor. _Fuck. Fuck._

"Now, should anyone - student or staff - attempt to aid Mr. Potter, they will be punished in a manner consistent with the severity of their transgressions," _Fuck._ He found the eyes of each House Head, "Furthermore, any person found to have knowledge of these events who fails to come forward," _Fuck, "_ Will be treated as," _Fuck,_ "Equally guilty."

The students were silent, "Now then," He stepped down and began to walk slowly between the houses. He towered over the students, "If anyone here has any knowledge of Mr. Potter's movements this evening, I invite them to step forward," He stopped. _Fuck,_ "Now."

There was a silence. Then footsteps. Potter stood in front of him. Wrapped in a Gryffindor cloak over his street clothing. The students erupted in shock around him. He met Harry's gaze. _Lily. Lily._ Potter set his face like James. _It's just an act. It's just an act._

"It seems, despite your exhaustive defensive strategies, you still have a bit of a security problem, Headmaster," His voice was cold, masculine in a way it had never been before. The hall doors swung open behind him. _Hermione._ The Order walked in and spread out before him.

"I'm afraid it's quite extensive. How dare you stand where he stood?!"

 **It's an act, Severus. Breathe. It's an act.**

"Tell them how it happened that night, how you looked him in the eyes, a man who trusted you, and killed him!"

 **It isn't real, Sev.**

"Tell them!"

He was paralyzed. _Oh, God._ Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Minerva move, and he drew his wand. She pushed in front of Potter.

 **Severus.**

He heard the Carrow's sniggering behind him. _You'll not have her._ A million thoughts raced through his mind. He met Hermione's eyes over Minerva's shoulder.

 _I can't fake this anymore._

He pushed into Minerva's mind. She allowed him.

 _Take Alecto. I'll handle Amycus._

She nodded nearly imperceptibly.

He turned on a dime and slammed Amycus back into the wall with as much hatred and magical force as he possibly could summon. His Gryffindor counterpart did the same with the sister. The students gasped. Froze.

"Potter!" He snapped, "Get the fanatics!" He gestured to his house.

Ron ran to Potter's side and called his brothers to him help. In confusion, they did what they were told, lost in the adrenaline and shock of the moment.

Severus stood over Amycus' unconscious form. _Fuck you. Fuck. You. You won't touch another student here._

"Wipe her memories," Snape told Minerva, and he pointed his wand between the younger man's eyes, "Obliviate."

The Order had the Dark Lord's student loyalists bound and gagged on their knees. Their eyes on Snape, rage and bewilderment in each of them. Snape walked to the doorway on the right of the front of the hall to a long closet that had been disused for decades, "Put them here. Now."

He levitated the Carrows to the back of the closet, as the Order ushered the fanatic children in behind them. He slammed the door shut, and made sure no spell would ever open that door without his express permission. No communicating. No escaping.

The students stood in stunned silence. Snape looked over the crowd. Potter stared at him, started clapping, and they joined him, the energy catching. _Fuck._ His eyes searched for Hermione.

Minerva silenced them, "As you can see, the tide has turned a bit and things were not as they appeared to be," She gestured to Snape, "We only have an advantage so long as Voldemort believes Professor Snape is still on his side. Do you understand? You say nothing. Nothing."

A wave of loyalty swept over the student body and they verbalized their agreement, their promise, their understanding. Their hope now cemented, and the students of Hogwarts rallied to their Headmaster, united under their school crest - true Slytherins, Gryffindors, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaws.

He looked at them, emotional, vulnerable, "Take defensive positions. All over the castle. Spread out, but go nowhere alone. They will look for isolated people. Go. Now!"

The students moved quickly, and the Order surrounded him. Minerva stepped in front of him, then Potter, then Weasley, Lovegood, and finally Hermione, who clutched his forearm.

"We have no time for this," Minerva said, "Trust us."

Lupin was feral, "He killed Dumbledore."

"You know nothing," Snape sneered. _You never did._

Lupin reached for his wand and four wands were on him instantly in response, and none of them were Severus'. _Poor choice, wolf._

"If you trust no one else, you must trust me, Remus, and I trust him."

Lupin stared at Harry, thought for a long moment, and then he lowered his wand. _Good dog._

The people whizzed around them. The Order moved away from him, trailing after Lupin, who had stalked off, and went to take positions that would serve them well both offensively and defensively.

Hermione turned around and crushed herself into him, and he squeezed her tightly to him. _I love you._

"We need to go to the Room of Requirement. Now," Harry said.

Snape nodded and they moved forward. Longbottom, flanked by Thomas and Finnegan, stepped in front of Severus. He looked intently at Snape's face, and then at Luna beside Severus.

"You're serious?" He asked her.

"Oh, quite," She smiled.

Longbottom stared into the dark eyes, "Now it makes sense," He said and moved aside. _Gryffindors truly can be so dense._

Snape stepped past him. Hermione slipped her hand into Severus' as they moved. They stopped in the door's archway as Minerva bellowed, "Pierototum Locomotor!"

The statues jumped down off the walls. Dozens of them. Stone shields engraved with a house crest. Axes. Maces. All stone. _This is it._

"Hogwarts is threatened!" McGonagall informed the silent soldiers, "Man the boundaries! Protect us! Do your duty to our school!"

He looked at Hermione, at Harry, at Ron. There were tears in all of their eyes. Ginny Weasley appeared out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look at her and noticed that she had replaced Lovegood, who had gone with Neville to blow up the bridge. She met his gaze steadily. She nodded. He nodded. Her arm hooked onto Harry's. They walked briskly up the main stairs.

 _Bloody hell. I might just make it out of this._


	56. Chapter 56

They stood before the Room of Requirement and, as the door formed, Draco Malfoy stepped out from a dark part of the corridor to their right.

"You have something of mine, Potter," He growled and his hand shook. His eyes were wild and moved quickly back and forth between each person, and settled on Snape for longer.

Snape looked at Harry in confusion and Harry asked, "What's wrong with the one you've got?"

Draco was still staring at Snape, trembling, "It's my mother's. It's powerful, but it doesn't quite... understand me, you know?"

Snape spoke, "Draco..." His voice was hoarse, filled with empathy. Aside from the wealth and arrogance, Snape had very much been a boy so similar to the one before them, desperate and losing his mind.

"What have you done, Severus?" Draco asked.

"The right thing. What you've always wanted to do."

The boy blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay, "I don't want to do this. I don't want to be this. My father..."

Snape stepped through the group of kids in front of him. His wand was still tucked in his cloak. Draco's arm lowered. He was unwilling to harm this man, this man who had protected him, who had spared his soul at great cost to his own.

Severus glanced at Harry, whose wand, or Draco's wand, was out, but was held loosely in his hand.

"There is so much that is lost in this war. So many people fallen through the cracks. Casualties in this war that are greater than death," He said and white light flashed across all of their faces. They looked out the window behind Draco and saw the shields rising around the castle.

Draco turned as well, and then looked back to Severus, his lip trembling.

Snape spoke again, clearly, slowly, "There is a boy who lived. We know his story. We all do," He touched Harry with his pointer finger, "Dumbledore spoke to you on the Astronomy Tower about how, years ago, he knew a boy who made all the wrong choices," He moved his finger away from Potter, "That wasn't the Dark Lord he was remembering," His finger pressed into his own chest, "It was me," Snape said. Draco was crying.

Snape took a step forward, "You, Draco..." He pointed to Draco, "You are the boy who had no choice. From the moment of your birth, evil was expected of you, but it was not inside of you. You were molded into an arrogant, prejudiced, brat of a boy. Of that, there is no denying," A small sob escaped the boy's mouth, "All your life you have had no choice. Until now. What choice will you make?" Snape's eyes narrowed. He could hear the girls behind him sniffling. _Please, Draco._

Draco looked at Snape, and then his eyes moved to the people behind him. He dropped his head, "I'm so sorry," He said.

Harry stepped up next to Snape, looked at Severus and then nodded. _Lily, "_ Will you join us, Draco?" The boy offered his hand. _Oh, Lily._

Draco stared Harry's hand, probably remembering the first time friendship had been offered and how Potter had rejected it all those years ago. He put his pale hand firmly in Harry's and squeezed. _Good boy, Draco. Good boy._ They made their way into the Room of Requirement. Snape walked next to Draco. The boy had the distinct air of relief for the first time in his entire life. His moves were confident, smooth.

"Find it, Potter," Snape demanded as the group stared at the enormous and seemingly endless piles of lost things all over the place.

Harry closed his eyes, inhaled, and held his breath. His eyes snapped open and he moved quickly to a table and began to rummaged through the disorganized mess. He pulled out a tiara, jeweled, crowned with a raven. _Most definitely it._

"Let's go," Snape said, and they moved toward the door.

"I'll use the sword, but we'll need something to finish it off. This is... This one is stronger than the others," Harry was pale.

Draco looked thoroughly confused. Snape nodded, "I have an idea." _This is a terrible idea._

The doors to the mysterious room were held open. Snape stood on the inside the room to the right of the frame. He closed his eyes and summoned, from pits of his soul, the fire of his darkest feelings - jealousy, inadequacy, guilt - and used it as fuel. A stream of flame erupted from his black wand that quickly consumed the room. _Fuck._

"Strike it, Potter!" Snape called. He heard the boy draw the sword and slam it down onto the tiara, and a blackness appeared from the locket behind him that he couldn't see, but he knew all the same that it was there. The darkness within the smoke threatened to consume them all. Hermione then kicked the crown hard into the room toward Snape's Fiendfyre as it raced toward him. The crown exploded as it met the flames and he snapped the flame off from his wand with great difficulty and was bent over the waist panting.

He was pulled back by his arms and fell onto the stone corridor floor as the doors of the Room of Requirement slammed shut. Snape looked at who had pulled him from the room - Draco and Ron. He nodded at them and they hauled him to his feet. Severus was sweating profusely and trembling. _One more dead._

His eyes snapped to Potter on the floor leaning against the wall and they closed in on him and kneeled around him, "It's the snake," He said.

Severus' face dropped as Harry continued, "It's the snake. She's the last one." _No... Harry... She's not._

A tense silence settled around them, but Draco spoke into it, "What the bloody hell was that?" And Ginny nodded her confusion along with him - neither of them knew anything of this hunt.

"A Horcrux," Hermione said, "A part of Voldemort's soul. It's how he's been able to resist destruction. As long as a even a small part of his soul still lives, he won't ever truly die," At the mention of the Dark Lord's name, both Draco and Severus recoiled.

"We have to find the snake, mate," Ron said.

"We must go to my office first," Severus' voice was distant. _Fuck, I can't do this._

They looked at him and Harry asked, "Why?"

Snape shook his head, "It is the only way," He said quietly and looked down the corridor. _It is the only way._

That response only furthered their confusion, "Please," He said. _I'm so sorry._

They nodded and the group ran toward his office. _I can't do this. I can't tell him that he must die. He's just a boy. He's just a boy. There's no other way. Lily, oh, Lily. I am so sorry. I have tried so hard._

They dodged several explosions on the way, and moved quickly between corridors. When they arrived, Severus pulled out the pensieve and enlarged it. The tip of his black wand rested against his temple, and he extracted the most terrible information he had ever possessed. _Lily._

The memory floated down into the basin. All eyes were on him. He met the green eyes of Lily's Potter's son, "I am so sorry, Harry." _I am so fucking sorry._

Snape moved toward the stone wall next to the book shelf that had contained the pensieve. As he moved past Hermione, she touched his arm, and he jerked away as he choked on his emotions. Reaching the cool stones, he sat against them and leaned his head back. _I am so sorry._

He could see out of the corner of his eye as each student put their head into the basin. The irony of the deathly quiet that surrounded him was not lost on him. He held his breath and waited as tears fell silently down his pale and clammy cheeks.

In unison, each former student pushed away from the basement and fell onto the floor in a circle around the pensieve breathing hard. On most faces... Shock, grief, anger, nausea, disbelief. On Harry Potter's... Understanding. Knowledge. An answer. Acceptance.

 _I am so sorry._


	57. Chapter 57

Ginny crawled to Harry and clutched at him, crying into his shoulder. Ron put his arm around Harry's shoulders and his face radiated disbelief. Draco scooted on the floor until he sat next to Severus against the wall. His face was green. Hermione sat staring at Harry. The tears poured out of her eyes. _My sweet girl. I am so sorry. I am so sorry._

Draco pulled at his hair with his hands and grimaced. Hermione moves along the wooden floor to Severus. She sat next to him, but did not touch him. For that, he was grateful. His body and mind threatened to crumble then and there. _I am sending her son to his death. It's over._

In a moment, Harry stood. Ginny stood with him, her hand in his, and hear head on his shoulder. Ron was up next, then Hermione, then Draco. They stared at Harry. Severus did not move. He made no attempt to stand or even make eye contact. His eyes, while they dripped tears down his face, were unseeing. _Forgive me._

Harry moved away from Ginny and over to him. He kneeled in front of the black-haired man. The green eyes pierced Snape's. There was an understanding, a forgiveness there that Severus had never known previously.

"Potter..." Draco's voice cracked - a friendship that had just been made, a real friendship, Draco's first, was ending already.

The boy hung his head briefly, his shaggy hair tangled, "I knew. I think I've always known." _No. I'm so sorry._

Snape's eyes never wavered from the boy, and as Harry moved back to meet them, Severus saw, within those green eyes, the forgiveness and loyalty he had longed to see since he was 16-years-old. _I am so sorry._

Harry stood, "I am ready," He said and his voice didn't waver. _Brave boy. Beautiful boy._ The boy looked around him at his friends, and then looked down at Severus, "Are you with me?" _Lily. Harry._

Snape rose to his feet, towering over everyone in the room. He stepped forward to Harry and put his left hand on the boy's thin right shoulder, "Always."

Harry swallowed hard, and then walked from the room. They followed after him, Ginny's hand in Harry's. He glanced at Hermione.

 **I'm not angry with you, Severus.**

 _I'm sorry._

 **I love you.**

 _I love you._

Her hand found his and squeezed it tightly. They moved back toward the entrance. The shields were gone, but the battleground was eerily still and quiet. Neville, trailed by Luna, Dean, and Seamus, cut them off, "Harry! What's the plan?" _What plan? What the fuck kind of plan could we have? All plans have been shot to shit, boy._

Harry looked at Neville, the boy he could have been. A scream came from inside the Great Hall. Ron and Ginny paled. _Molly._ The youngest Weasleys raced into the hall to the sound of their mother's voice. _No._

The group followed. The hall was lined with injured students and staff, and as they walked further into the hall, they saw the dead. _No. No. No._

Snape's eyes moved up the floor, avoiding any bodies, to the cries of the Weasley family. On a cot between them was Fred Weasley. His eyes were open, but would never see again. The ghost of his last smirk was etched upon his pale face. _No._

Hermione kneeled by Ginny and held tightly to her. The family wept together. _I am so sorry._ Severus looked down the row of cots. _Nymphadora. Lupin._ His stomach churned. _Lupin. Their child. Orphaned._ No matter how much he and Lupin had disliked each other, Severus took no pleasure in the wizard's death. _I am so sorry, Remus._

Draco whimpered beside him. Neville wiped his face on his sleeve. Luna's tiny hand covered her mouth. Seamus and Dean looked ill. Snape looked to Harry's face. He was staring at the couple. His face was set, and he turned from the group and walked out toward the main entrance. Severus walked after him, "Potter!"

Harry stopped in his tracks, but did not turn to look at him.

"Where are you going?" _Lily._

Potter didn't answer. He didn't move. Snape approached him, moved around him, and looked into his face. Grief. Agony. Hatred. Rage. Fear. Love. All of these things colored the young man's skin.

"I never meant for any of them to die for me," He whispered.

"For you?" Snape said lowly. Harry's eyes met his, "Yes, you are the boy the prophecy spoke of, but this..." Snape pointed into the Great Hall, "Is bigger than you. Bigger than all of us." _Come on, Harry. Be strong._

Harry shook his head and his jaw twitched quickly. Snape spoke again, "This is war, Harry."

Harry nodded and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He looked into the face of the older man with an expression of understanding and acceptance on his face.

"I am with you, Harry Potter," Snape said seriously and his black eyes never left the green. _Until the end, boy. Until the end._

Harry swallowed. The Gryffindor group and Draco walked out into the hall in search of them, and stopped when they saw the moment passing between the two men. Neither blinked nor moved. Harry nodded at him. Snape inclined his head and stepped back, finding Hermione's eyes.

 _I love you._

 **I love you.**

Harry turned to his friends and looked at Ron and Ginny. He began to cry. Ron and Ginny hugged him tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," Harry's voice sounded so broken. Hermione stared at Severus. The other three Gryffindor boys patted the broken trio on the backs, shoulders, and offered words of comfort and encouragement. Neville's arm was around Luna and he held her close to him.

Severus moved between Draco and Hermione. His hand rested in the small of her back. Draco narrowed his eyes, looked at Severus' face in shock, and then felt the cold glare of Hermione Granger on him.

Snape felt her bristle and looked down at her and, following her gaze, realized Draco had seen. Severus stared at the boy as he processed what he'd just seen, and Hermione's magic sparked under his hand. They waited for his response.

Draco merely sighed, shrugged, and said, "That is not the strangest thing that I've seen tonight." Severus smirked, and Hermione relaxed under his fingertips.

Harry pulled himself back from the group, "We need to kill the snake," Harry said.

He reached into Hermione's bag and withdrew the Sword of Godric Gryffindor, and handed it to Neville. The boy took it, his face confident and his eyes ready.

"Where is he, Harry? Look inside him," The determination in Ron's voice was heavy.

Harry did as requested. They waited in a moment of apprehensive silence. The green eyes opened and went straight to Severus'.

 _Well, fuck._

"He's in the Shrieking Shack. He's sent Lucius to get you. He is looking for you," Snape's face lost what little color it had to begin with. Draco swallowed hard next him.

"That cowardly fucker is hiding in the Shrieking Shack?!" Ron bellowed.

Harry silenced him, "He doesn't need to come to me. He knows that. He knows I will come to him."

 _This is it._

Severus stared at the floor and dropped his hand from Hermione, "You stay here," Harry told Luna, Neville, Ginny, Seamus, Dean, Draco, and Ron.

Ginny opened her mouth to protest, but Harry held up a hand, "No, Severus will meet him. We," He looked at Hermione, "Will go with him. When it's over... Whatever happens...When it's done... When I do what I have to do... He will have my body carried back here," Harry shivered, "To rub it in your faces. To humiliate you. To break you. Do not let it," Harry said firmly, "The snake will be with him if we haven't managed to kill it," He looked at Neville, "Kill. The. Snake."

Neville nodded, "Just stall him, Snape. Give us time."

"I don't know what's going to happen in there, Severus," Harry said as he searched the man's face.

Severus said weakly, "He thinks that I am the master of the Elder Wand." Dumbledore had told him, back when he asked Severus to kill him, "That was Dumbledore's intention - that I be the master. That I be the master and shield you from any further targeting. But it is not me. It was Draco. Now, it's you," Severus' eyes settled on Harry's. Snape began to move toward the courtyard, "This is my fate."

"I'm going with you," Draco said and he would not be talked down.

"Severus," Hermione said in a breathy voice.

 _My whole heart,_ "Hermione..." He felt dizzy and ill. His body trembled as she hugged him, and he realized she was trembling just as badly. She pulled away, looked deeply into his eyes, and kissed him softly. _I am so sorry. I am so sorry._

"You should not come. If this is what I think it is, I have no desire for you to see it."

"I'm coming with you," She said, and disillusioned the three of them.

Snape stared at where he knew they were standing, sighed, and moved down through the courtyard to and through grounds.

Lucius appeared in front of him, "Severus. Where have you been? I have been looking for you."

"Watching," He glanced over his shoulder.

"Listening to the children scream, Severus?" Lucius' voice was cold, "I know that is your favorite song."

Snape swallowed and refused to allow his stomach to empty its contents. _Weasleys. Ron. Ginny. George. Percy. Bill. Arthur. Molly... Fred,_ "Indeed."

"The Dark Lord requests you meet him in the Shrieking Shack," Lucius' face dropped.

"Lovely," Snape eyed the Death Eater. He was disheveled, broken, and defeated. _Pathetically weak as always. So much potential. So many resources. All wasted on a lust for power no matter the cost._

Severus stepped past him. Glancing over his shoulder, Snape saw the elder Malfoy sit back on a boulder and then bent over at the waist with his hands on his knees. He couldn't tell for sure, but he assumed the man was either vomiting or crying. _Fool._

Snape walked quickly to the Shrieking Shack and made his way through the dingy tunnel under the Whomping Willow. He could have apparated, but felt it was unnecessary to rush to his certain death. Harry, Hermione, and Draco stopped several steps before the entrance to the actual shack. Snape paused just outside the frame. Voldemort was, as of yet, unaware of his presence.

Severus hung his head, looked over his shoulder where the three were hiding, and then took a deep breath.

 _Lily - if you require my life to set this right, it is yours to take._


	58. Chapter 58

Severus Snape stepped into the Shrieking Shack. The rickety old floor creaked under him.

"My Lord. You have requested me?" Snape held his shaking hands behind his back.

"Yes, Severus. I have a question," The serpentine face looked at him and then Voldemort turned back to the window.

"Yes, my Lord?" Severus kept his voice even, but his eyes flickered to the giant snake at Voldemort's bare feet.

"Why doesn't this wand work for me?" Voldemort asked Snape, but it wasn't really a question. He already knew the answer, even though his deduction had led him to the wrong person. The serpent hissed at Severus as Voldemort's fingers caressed the Elder Wand.

"You have performed extraordinary magic with this wand, my Lord. There is no wand more powerful."

 **Draco has left. He is going to his father, to tell him Harry is preparing to head to the forest to meet Voldemort. It will draw him away from you. Stall. Please, stall.**

"No, Severus," Voldemort's voice was icy, "I am extraordinary. With this wand, I have only performed my usual magic."

"When the boy comes, it will not fail you. I am certain of it," Snape said. His voice was low.

"Three wands have failed me in my quest to kill Harry Potter, including this one. It does not answer to me," Voldemort was growing impatient.

"That wand answers to you. Only you," Severus said.

Voldemort shook his head and his pale face hardened, "No. It cannot answer to me because it answers to someone else. The wand was Dumbledore's, and you killed Dumbledore, Snape."

"My Lord, allow me to seek the boy. I know that I can bring him to you."

 **Lucius is coming. He's in the tunnel.**

"I do not need Harry Potter brought to me. He will come to me if his own accord," Voldemort hissed, "You have probably already figured this out. You are a clever man, a strong wizard, but only I can live forever. You have been a good and faithful servant, Severus," Voldemort turned on him slowly.

 _Fuck._

Voldemort hissed to Nagini, who then lunged at Severus. Severus turned his body and hunched his shoulder to shield the blow intended for his jugular. The snake's fangs sank deeply into his trapezius muscle, down to the bone of his shoulder blade, the snake dragged the fangs in his body as she pulled off of him. She scraped the very bottom left side of his neck, missing his throat almost entirely, but crushed his collar bone, tore his flesh and muscles to shreds and away from the bones. Severus screamed as he fell to the floor. His blood was spilling from him in what seemed like rivers. The snake coiled again for a second attack. Snape attempted to turn away from Nagini. It burned. Badly. _It burns. It burns._

Lucius appeared, "My Lord," He panted, "Potter is heading from the castle to the forest to meet you."

The snake froze. Voldemort froze. A moment passed. _Oh, God._

"Then let us meet him," Voldemort smiled. He noticed Malfoy staring at Snape and added softly, "I regret it." _No._

Malfoy nodded as he met Snape's eyes, "Nagini, come," Voldemort said, and they were gone.

Hermione's scream filled his ears as he rolled onto his back. The three rushed to him.

"Put pressure on it!" Hermione commanded, and Harry's hand pushed down on his wound.

"FUCK!" Snape's scream was unlike any they had ever heard. His body jerked under Harry's hand and his legs moved erratically.

"Hold him still!" She yelled at Draco, and Draco pushed down on his chest to keep him from moving.

Snape's screaming intensified. The burning grew worse. He writhed under them.

"Severus? Severus! Stay with me, love," _Hermione._

She was pouring something warm into his mouth. Then, she was dropping something where Harry's hand had been. It stung. He cried out. _Hermione._ Something else was in his mouth now, something sour, bitter. His eyes rolled back into his head and he convulsed.

"Severus, please! Please, stay with me! Focus on my voice," She commanded. _Yes._ There were tears pouring down her face. _Hermione._

"Hermione," He gasped and he lifted his head just barely and looked at his left hand. His elbow was bent and his hand was in the air over his stomach. It was contracted and shaking uncontrollably. There was blood gushing from him.

Hermione was dripping more liquid onto his shoulder and neck. Then, one that tasted metallic, like iron.

Snape's consciousness drifted. _Lily._ His eyes snapped to Potter. His reached with his right hand and grabbed Harry's jacket, "Look at me," he commanded with all the strength he could muster.

The green eyes found the black, "End this," Snape growled.

Harry nodded and looked at Draco and Hermione. They stared at him. Each person knew what came next for Potter. Harry stood and cast his patronus and sent it to McGonagall. He summoned Minerva, and Poppy, to the shack for him.

Harry looked at Snape once more, "Thank you. For everything."

Snape choked on his spit, "I am with you, Harry Potter," He groaned. Harry was gone. Snape whistled in agony, tears streamed down his face. _Lily. I am so sorry, Lily. I tried so hard for so long to keep him safe._

Hermione's face was over his, "Draco, keep the pressure there," She instructed. Draco obeyed immediately.

Severus looked at her. _So beautiful. So kind, "_ Hermione." _Hermione._

She sat back, having done all that she was capable of doing. Her hands were covered in his blood. He could feel the antivenin in his blood now waging war on that snake's toxic venom.

"How bad is it?" He jerked as he looked at her.

She began to cry and grabbed his right hand into hers. He looked at Draco, whose hand was pressed into his neck hard, "That bad?" Draco grimaced and tears slipped down his cheeks.

Snape screamed again as the antivenin surged to the wound. Minerva appeared with Poppy in tow. They descended on him and McGonagall pulled Draco away. Snape's entire left side contracted painfully. He cried out and his back arched off the floor.

Hermione recited what she'd done, what she'd given him. His consciousness went in and out. The room was blurry, fuzzy, dim. _Lily._

Minerva slapped his cheek gently, "Stay with us, Severus!"

He swallowed hard and gritted his teeth, "I can't believe I'm going to die in this shitty shack after all," He groaned and arched again.

Minerva stroked his hair. Hermione held his right hand tightly as Poppy worked over him. His hand squeezed hers as he jerked on the floor, as he spit in pain, as he cried. He could see Draco in the background with his bloody hands in his white hair, tears running down his face.

"You're not going to die today, Severus," Poppy said firmly, "But I do need you out," He looked at her confused.

The world began to fade to black. The voices above him became muffled and distant.

 _I have failed. I am sorry._

Severus Snape knew no more.


	59. Chapter 59

When he awoke, he had idea who or where he was. The room he was in was bright white. People were talking around him, but he was struggling to hear what they were saying. His eyes fluttered as he commanded them to focus.

The bright green robes. _St. Mungo's Healers?_ _Why..._

The pain washed over him violently and he cried out loudly.

"Professor Snape! You're awake!" The woman closest to him said happily. _Give me something, you wench!_

He grimaced as his eyes adjusted to the lights. She moved to him and allowed him to sip from a small vial, "That will help with the pain a bit. I'm sure you've already guessed that you're in St. Mungo's. You stable now, but unfortunately, your wound is quite severe and you will be staying with us for several weeks at least."

The pain potion made him less focused, unable to think clearly. _Why am I here? Why does everything hurt so badly?_

"Are you feeling at all up to seeing anyone? You have had quite a crowd of people waiting to see you."

 _What?_

"How long have I been here?" His throat was dry and raspy.

"Oh, only for a few hours now, Professor. That venom wears off medicine like nobody's business. We can't keep you under for long."

 _What the fuck is going on? Venom? Why can't I remember anything? She's drugged me. This is a nightmare._

"Are you feeling up to visitors?" She smiled at him.

 _Visitors? Who would be visiting me anywhere?_

He shrugged with his right shoulder and winced in pain that even that small movement caused him. She nodded and walked out of the door.

 _What the bloody hell is going on?_

The door to his room opened and the bright light from the hallway blurred his vision again. There were people. Probably a half dozen people. He blinked furiously to be able to tell who was in front of him.

He saw her face. Her beautiful tear stained freckled face. His heart soared. _Hermione._ No other faces came into focus.

She moved to him quickly, sat at his bedside, and took his right hand into hers. She was dirty, blood smeared on her face and in her hair. She was crying. He looked at the people behind her. They were too. _Why?_ His eyes widened as the memories came back to him. He clenched his jaw.

 _Dumbledore._

 _The Dark Lord._

 _Horcruxes._

 _The war._

 _The snake._

 _Harry._

 _Harry._

 _Harry._

"Harry?" He rasped as panic rose inside him. He searched her face desperately.

She moved away from him and looked to the crowd of people and he followed her eyes. They moved backward out of the room, and Harry Potter stepped forward.

Snape looked at him. He struggled and grunted in pain, but managed to sit up and hung his legs off of the bed clad only in hospital pants. Adjusting his sling painfully, he breathed deeply. The healer moved toward him and reached out, "You really shouldn't be moving, Professor," He slapped her hand away from him. Hermione shot her a look. The healer held up her hands and left, leaving Hermione, Harry, and Severus alone.

His eyes never strayed from Harry's. He pushed off the bed, swayed and wobbled - pain meds, pain, emotions. Hermione moved toward him in case he fell, but knew him well enough to know that he needed to do this on his own.

Neither green eyes nor black eyes blinked, "Come here, boy," Severus' voice was thick with emotion. _Harry._

Harry walked toward him slowly and looked up at the man he had spent so many years hating and mistrusting, and the man who had spent so many years sacrificing for him relentlessly.

Snape's eyes moved over his face. He swayed again and Harry grabbed his right bicep and steadied him. Severus put his hand behind Harry's neck to keep himself still, and stared into his face. His mouth dropped open slightly.

The face was so like his father's, but less sharp, gentler, like his mother. The eyes. _Her eyes._ It was him. Snape's eyes moved to his forehead. He brought his hand around and pushed the boy's dark bangs out of his eyes. He gasped. The scar that had once been so prominent against his nearly flawless skin had shrunk, paled, and blended more with the rest of his forehead.

Snape met his eyes again and Harry spoke, "We did it."

Three words. That's all the boy said and Snape fell back onto the bed and Harry held him in a seated position. The room was spinning. He was crying in spite of himself and Harry's forehead was against his. Hermione's hand was on his back in comforting circles.

"We did it," Harry repeated, "We did it. We did it."

Severus whimpered as Harry pulled Snape's face into his jacket being mindful of the massive wound on the left side of his body.

"Lily," He whined and clung to Harry's jacket.

"We did it," Harry whispered, "We did it for her."

Hermione talked soothingly into his ear, but he heard nothing that she said, and instead, only recognized her tone. _Hermione._

Harry pulled back and looked at him, "You look like hell, Severus. You need to rest. I'll be here. Every day. Annoying the piss out of you," He smiled.

Snape's eyes were puffy from crying and heavy from pain potions and exhaustion. He swallowed.

"We still have much to do, and more to talk about, Snape, so don't take your time in here," Harry said as he stepped back.

 _I thought it was done._ Snape raised his eyebrows and croaked "What do we have to do?"

Harry looked at him, "Life. We have a lot of living to do. Get some rest."

The door swung closed behind him, and Hermione kissed his shoulder, "Lay down, love," She said softly.

He did gingerly and he stared at her face. She moved slightly away from him and he gripped her wrist tightly.

"What's wrong?" She asked, "Does it hurt?"

"Don't leave me," His voice was broken.

She smiled and waved her wand over her body. She was clean now, changed into pajamas and grabbed the blanket by his feet. Hermione expanded the bed and she crawled up next to him, pulling the blanket over both of them, and curled up against his side.

"I thought I lost you, Severus," Her voice shook.

"Me too," His voice was one of quiet disbelief.

"I love you."

"I love you."

 _We did it. We did it. We did it._


End file.
